Why Not Adopt

Re: # 29
hi irum, i was wondering if i could email you about your post from last year.
thanks!
zehra
springstudy2003@yahoo.com

Very well put indeed. Good for you, Ghazal!

How often is religion and its limitations are being observed by us Muslims when it comes to acquiring the things we deem important, for instance, College Education in the west, a good job etc, etc.... we don`t even bring up the mehram, na-mehram, and all such issues, when it is something which we really want. I am sure none of these things have any value compared to the reward an adoptive parent receives, in this world and the hereafter!!

If uttering a couple of words can make a man and woman mehram for each other in Islam,
then I find it hard to believe that a lifetime devoted to loving and caring for a child cannot do the same.

Ghazal,

I could not have found your article at a more opportune time. My husband and I have been married for five years, and after 4.5 years of infertility treatments (and $60,000 later) we are still childless. It`s taken us a long time, but we are now very excited about the prospect of adopting a child from Pakistan or Afghanistan. The trouble is that we are here in the States, are US citizens, and are finding little or no information re: how we can locate a child over there. YOu said you have run into some difficulty re: visa requirements, I may be able to help you, if you`re interested as we`ve been researching all the angles for several months now.

I wish you all the best. Thank you so much for bringing this issue to light.

Salaam,

Iram

Ghazal,

I could not have found your article at a more opportune time. My husband and I have been married for five years, and after 4.5 years of infertility treatments (and $60,000 later) we are still childless. It`s taken us a long time, but we are now very excited about the prospect of adopting a child from Pakistan or Afghanistan. The trouble is that we are here in the States, are US citizens, and are finding little or no information re: how we can locate a child over there. YOu said you have run into some difficulty re: visa requirements, I may be able to help you, if you`re interested as we`ve been researching all the angles for several months now.

I wish you all the best. Thank you so much for bringing this issue to light.

Salaam,

Iram

asifm: Common sense and basic decency is enough and you dont need to be a PhD in muslim literature to do the right thing. Just as you dont need a GPS or even a compass to find your way to the bathroom in the morning.

``I have seen it happen twice and both times the way the adopted child was handled by the relatives of the deceased was tragic. One of my own cousins told me that once I adopt, I should not expect her and the rest of the family to love my adopted child the way they love my biological children.``

May God give you strength and wisdom to the rest of us....

---

asifm

Those alims probably are reading some other quran.

Just adding my 2 cents on this taught. Infact adopting and caring an orphan is Highly rewarding. There are many ayats in Quran which shows that how important this is. And how much unworthy act of becoming heedless to orphans. But there are imporatnt things to keep in mind religiously. I don`t know, who were Alims who speak on this issue on this program(Not mentioning Amir Liaquat). But the issue of Mehram and Na-Mehram is right as same is seen in case of Hazrat Zaid (RAW) example, he was not mehram and Purdah was observed from him by the household of our Prophet (SAW). Also Nabi (SAW) married his divorced clarifying further issues on adaptation. But this problem can be solved religiously Look at the answer http://www.islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=11928 and http://www.islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=386
The other details are also available at
1. http://www.islam.tc/cgi-bin/askimam/search.pl?query=adopt&limit=20&order=DESC&sort=date&where=question
2. http://sunnipath.com/resources/Questions/qa00000265.aspx
3. http://sunnipath.com/resources/Questions/qa00004292.aspx
4. http://sunnipath.com/resources/Questions/qa00003681.aspx
5. http://sunnipath.com/resources/Questions/qa00000221.aspx
The beauty of Religion Islam is that it is really very easy to practice for those who want to do it. It provides solutions to every question. Religious quotations are fine to include in articles but needs validated approach to represent them. May Allah reward you & your family for such taught and actions.

#23 Finally, the writer shows up. I was wondering what was going on with this orphaned board, and perhaps it should be put up for adoption. :-)

Hi. I was surprised to read so many comments on my article, I didn’t even know it was posted until Shehlah emailed me. I am so glad to hear that so many people agree with me. It re-enforces my belief that our generation is more compassionate than our parents’. I am sure we will bring about a positive societal change or at least raise children who will be driven to do so.

There is a lot of concern about when to tell the adopted child that he/she is adopted. I think this issue is as complicated or simple as you want it to be. I personally know two couples who have adopted daughters and the girls have always known they are adopted. It has never been hidden from them. Just like growing up our biological children know they came from “mommy’s tummy” adopted children should be told instead “they came from a special place but not from mommy’s tummy” and the details can be filled in by each family as desired. The key I think is never to keep it a secret or to be secretive. I saw this child on TV saying I am the only adopted child in my family and people ask me how does that feel? And I say its no different, I love my family!

Shehlah yes I know I am very lucky to have a husband who is with me on this issue, but the visa requirement stops us from adopting right now. InshAllah once we are back in Pakistan, its one of the first things we plan to do.

I loved Navedhaqqi’s comment. He’s hit it on the head, if you compare the life of a child in an orphanage as compared to in a proper family, there is really nothing to consider anymore.

I am also concerned about the case one of the readers mentioned: what if the adoptive parents die, what happens to the child? I have seen it happen twice and both times the way the adopted child was handled by the relatives of the deceased was tragic. One of my own cousins told me that once I adopt, I should not expect her and the rest of the family to love my adopted child the way they love my biological children. That was an outrage! The only way I see is to constantly speak out against attitudes like these. One of these days people will begin to loosen up. After all a lot of what is acceptable now used to be blasphemy once.

Again thanks for the good luck wishes everyone, I do hope we are able to realize our dream.

Ghazal

Very well written Ghazal. I agree with each and every word. It was as if you described all that was in my heart. Lets try to propogate this spirit.

A refreshing and positive approach. All our best wishes are with you.

``The other day an older gentleman told me he had wanted to adopt a little girl but could not do so because being a Muslim he felt it was not an option open to him and his wife.``

Is this religious thing related to the Zaid and Zainab episode? Is it still taken seriously in Muslim societies?

Thanks for initiating discussion on a socially relevant issue like adoption. World would be a better place if the fortunate amongst us devoted a little time and some resources to uplift the cause of the under-privileged. It goes without saying that the most needy of all unfortunate people are the orphans, children whose life is scarred with the feeling of being unloved and uncared.

It is a good thing that western nations have taken up adoption in the way they have. Perhaps, it is `cool` in these societies to adopt children from poorer Asian and African countries. The case of a Swiss boy of Indian origin who was inducted in the Pope`s guard comes to my mind. Without the support of his Swiss foster-parents he could not have done as well as he did. Even the `Page 3` crowd makes the right noises in this context, Sushmita Sen has an adopted child and many more claim to be wanting to do so.

For those of us who can`t adopt a child, yet would like to do something, there are organizations that can help us in this direction. These NGOs allow you to sponsor as many children as you would like by donating a certain amount to their cause. They encourage you to participate in their social activities as well. Some have directed programmes where you would get a chance to meet the child who is benefiting by your compassion. If you must know, donations to most of such organizations are tax exempt :-) Infact, it is a good idea to contribute to only those organizations which have been exempted from tax by the govt, this means the govt. has done the necessary screening and your donation is going for the right cause.

is it jus tme or did the article start off with the husband talking and then 3 paras later - it was the wife
maybe i am just hallucinating. anyways dont want to go back and reread
adoption is good
adoption of stray cats even better

I think today`s Pakistani society is more averse to the concept of adoption than our grandparents. I know of a good couple of cases of adopted boys and girls around the time of partition and beyond... even cases of servant`s children being raised as their own and later being given a share in the family wealth too. Raising your brother`s/ sister`s/ relatives`s children was all too common also. Did we have bigger hearts then? I dont think it was as taboo then as it is now. Are we scared of legal implications now? Maybe it all stems from the ``joint-family`` system of yester years in which everyone was just enveloped into one large family - no questions asked. Today`s nuclear set up means deeper financial implications coupled with our increasing class consciousness and stupid prejudices which is making adoption in our society more and more difficult.

So ghazal it will be tough to raise such a child today... but do set an example and share it with us.

Wonderful article, Ghazal. You`ve articulated the case beautifully and I hope lots of people read this. Insha-Allah, more power to you and your husband.

What the world needs now is love, sweet love . . .