Two Poems: Attention Please and Say What?

..I thought being painfully elaborate wasnt needed.Anyway, I will be of help.``Sheer numbers``--a large populace holding on to some opinion, et al. Here, you and the people in the bus(or atleast, the poem`s version of them).That, I suppose, should be enough to get the statements connected with it.The rest is plain speak.

RE: attention please.


If sheer numbers might have made the situation look like the way it has....you are only an instance of the tragedy where sheer numbers always shriek at their being(im referring to the numbers there) good...or more alarmingly, at their being ``true`` cos of their shallow numbers, in a lotta cases...but underneath, you seem to be guided all the way, by an inherent-aversion-rising-most-probably-out-of-a-prejudiced-and-ignorant-view on veils and it is sad to note that you took a case of someone standing for their beliefs -which keep on silently but unvaryingly, proving themselves inspite of centuries and inspite of all the hollow bickers- in a way wherein u seem to sympathise with her in hidden tones (she might not even care a foot and like millions of her clan, might be proud of it and knows perfectly what she is doing!...showing her face to the person of profession so that she can apply or register or enrol or whatever else to a necessary document or for the Hajj Pilgrimage, for instance, only to please The Creator once again!..you must talk to some of those people in private and you probably would understand)....

And the sheer bad taste of your verses:

and I am wondering about the man
the photographer inside
the cubicle taking your picture
and the bliss he must be going through
for being the only stranger to see you
through the eyes of his camera


and the verses where you treated everyone else in remotely similar manner just reflects, even though i am not being personal to u here, that there is this foul of the mind, the dirt inside thats provoking the poet to draw out perversive conclusions of everyone-is-thinking-vulgar rather than taking the courageous step of trying to see the beauty of it all the way...coz there is sheer beauty in the way someone sticks to God and lives by his/her belief inspite of the whole world opposed and mocking!...and rightly so, the ones who have that beauty to see only seem to end up wanting to be a part of living that life themselves and The Benevolent Creator, of course, welcomes them towards Him...and like its happening with a lot of people ..all over the world(!)...anyone can experience it, if they are humble enough for themselves... inshAllah!

Re: # 23

Dude, which language is this?

extrem view of every thing is bad.. same applies to da veil observence...
nicely pointed out..

Fluid lines..doen`t require too much of brain waves...keep writing!

The opning seemed promising but rest of it just gets lost. Where? Im still looking. More later. Cheers.

Notes on “Say What”:

This one
Went over
(Way, way, over)
The nest
MY nest
Help
Please help
Gill
DR. Gill
Where
O where
Is the man
When
One needs him?
REALLY
Needs him!


(Fakhra: Please don’t form the wrong impression! I enjoyed both the poems! :)

Re: # 12

:)

Some ``Notes``:

[…and the bliss he must be going through
for being the only stranger to see you
through the eyes of his camera]

Maybe
It occurred to you
Or maybe
It did not
That
The man was
Doing a job?
Just
Doing a job!
O the “bliss” of it!

[she is not supposed
to be
looked upon by strangers
but it seems she had no choice
but to give in. She`s exposed,
now he knows, what she looks
like. And in my fury, I utter: ]

Exposed
Yes, exposed
All of her
Two eyes
One nose
A mouth
Maybe
A soul
Even
A soul
Wait
But wait
We shall never know
For the veil
THAT veil
Was never lifted
Except
Maybe it was
Through this poem!

[Can you veil yourself without the veil?
Reveal without being revealed?`]

Or drive?
Without
A license!

Fakhra
It has been long that i have been on chowk, and i just see your poems. I have to spend some time to understand your poems. I am very impressed of your artistic talent. It has been some time that i have spend time reading good poetry.

Muddat hui mar gia ghalib par aab bhi yaad aata hai
Wo har ek baat par kehna, yuun hota tu kia hota

Regards.

fakhra:

first you churn out the irony in the prose poem....then....you go for the jugular...

``Man is perfect``, undoubtedly, sir.
The phrase looks good in the museum
where people go
to see
to learn from the language of history
and history
speaks for itself.

...you are a devi(l) ms. hassan;)

lve

t

Re: # 6

Hain?

Very interesting poem....the realisation that a garment meant to ward of all possible ``attraction`` ends in its very nature attracting all of it in most global societies...shows the conundrum facing its backers.

Correction in the footnote:

Hypatia (Egypt, 370-415 A.D.) not B.C.

Re: # 4

Please use editors@chowk.com to send corrections after an article is posted.

Really interesting!

I loved the reconceptualization of the burqa as a ninja outfit as well as the other ironies. Smart narrative voice.