Parents and the Pill

[I will not answer the question as to why I am on the pill. I’m not done dancing with the Chowk crowd here.]

My wife has an ABCD (American Born Confused Desi) friend. By the way, I mean no disrespect by that term ABCD. It’s just that the term is so commonly used.

She mentioned to my wife that she’s been on birth control pills since high school. Once she told my wife that she started taking it because of irregular periods. But she forgot she told her this, so another day she told my wife that she started taking it to improve her skin. When my wife informed her that she had told her differently before, she confessed that it was because she had been having sex from early on (which of course almost all ABCD girls do), and did not want to get pregnant. Carrying condoms around was inconvenient, and not considered classy.

An experienced chowkie girl would have covered up this lie without batting an eyelid – “Oh, I started taking them for BOTH those reasons”. But this ABCD girl was not as good.

And amazingly enough, the exact same story was repeated with another ABCD friend she has, who is married to an Indian guy who was born & brought up in India.

No sane doctor would prescribe the pill for an extended period of time just for cramping, painful, or irregular periods unless the situation is VERY bad.

A few times may be. But not for any extended period of time.

Here’s a quote from a Medical Source:

“Cramping, painful and irregular periods are often due to a deficiency of progesterone and an excess of estrogen. So estrogen-alone birth control pills -- as are the most commonly prescribed pills on the market now -- often compound the problem.
That`s why some women have intolerable estrogen-induced side effects when they are on birth control pills like:
• Weight gain
• Mood swings
• Breast tenderness “


Just thought I’d share this with you.

``I have become very used to be being a sexual being (sexual being has nothing to do with sex but more with awareness of one’s own prowess) and when I would go home to NJ, I was asexual.``

this was like an unforgivingly-maddeningly-lethal shot hiding in a pint-load of ``chasers-uppers-downers`` ... in-your-face and simple... reminded me of a writer Bad Girl`s article published here long time back ....

and by the way fuck is just a Fuck - a word with a crystal clear, well-defined meaning unlike words like Gesture or Come etc. so whoever is hurting i say get over it... there is really no need to bring in ur judeo/christian accursed BS to condemn the innocent word and its usage...

cheers

Tahmed,

My post is easily translatable.

The writer makes it clear that the theme of this particular piece is about COMMUNICATING about her sexuality. She has also made it clear that she is breaking taboos so beloved to the conservative desi community. She is not using euphemisms nor is she abiding by rationales that as Azadeh Moaveni writes, perpetuate the masks/lies about sexual agency-which is about power over one`s body (reproduction, health issues, etc.). When she uses the word ``fucking``, it is quite intentional-a symbolic gesture of using language as skillfully (the writer is being humorous and collaquial) as she discusses the silence around sexuality.

HP,

We all know that we`ve seen chowk articles and interacts that have stated misogynist ideas. terminology, etc.-usually by male interactors. Why the big bahana when a woman uses language for very specific purposes? And why cant desi women curse? Not everyone`s interested in being Sita.

Re: #9 by Farhaan

[You get marks not only for good expression but also for being brave, honest and bold.]


Another brave, honest and bold girl:





Here are some rave reviews:

RUSSELL JACKSON in Scotsman.com

AS A dress, it left little to the imagination. Bollywood star Sofia Hayat arrived at a glittering movie premiere last night in a gown low-slung not at the front, but at the rear.
The daring young actress was at Leicester Square in London for the UK premiere of The Interpreter.
The film stars Nicole Kidman, who brought a touch of glamour to the opening.
Kidman plays Silvia Broome, a translator at the United Nations headquarters in New York.
She arrived with the film’s director, Sydney Pollack, but the Academy Award winner Sean Penn, who plays a special agent in the film, was unable to make it.

Here’s an entry from a blog:

Some classy broad named Sofia Hayat steals the ass-light from Nicole Kidman at the UK premiere for her new film, The Interpreter.

If “fucking with someone” is trash talk, then trash talk too has a place in literature. If Zahra wants to use strong, loose language to speak her mind … so be it. I hardly see any need for sermons by the grumpy mr etiquettes over this.

tahmed (#2), one should leave it to you to drag world peace into this (wtf??). I hope you feel better soon. May be you should cut back on google searches and get off the arm-chair for now. ``Worrying about future of mankind`` has a time and place … this happens to be neither one of ‘em …

Ajeya:36

Your ``critique`` proves the adage that a picture is worth a thousand words. Now I do not feel so good to have rankled your foreskin on that other board. I assure you I meant no harm. You have elevated your self-esteem and I think there a chance of that old-fashioned male-bonding here.

Please post a few more thousand-word critiques here with the caveat that `` less, is more``.

May Bhagwaan raise India`s GDP by another trillion and may your clotheslines recede faster.
As I have always maintained nothing makes those across the hindukush drool and growl more than the rumour of wealth and smell of women.

Shoresahib: Good to see you on chowk (even though you chose not to support my very well reasoned post against the use of the term containing the dreaded f-word) (sattar2: this ``well reasoned postt`` is an example of something that is called a ``joke``. :-) i am telling you this since my previous remark about ``world peace`` that you found annoying was also a joke that you obviously missed in #37.)

Anyway, coming back to the subject: Far be it from me to protest against people having responsible sex in the privacy of their bedrooms, just as I would never protest against people enjoying a responsible discharge of any other bodily function in the privacy of their loos. All I am protesting is this reference to it as if it is some kind of an achievement. Every living creature - including not just birds and chicken and monkeys and hyenas but also earthworms and what not - do it routinely. I dont hear them making a big deal about it. Why cant people me modest like all of God`s other creatures. I can understand Senator Bob Dole getting excited about it on TV - but then for him it is indeed an achievement. And I can understand newly-potty trained kids gloating about their achievements on the potty skills. But why do we Pakistanis think it is such a major accomplishment?? We all know that 135 million Pakistanis did not come out of a testtube or grow under a rock. (Although I agree there are some people like Romair and Sattar who probably came on a meteor from outer space). Anyway enough said.

I rest my case (for now), yer honor.

Zehra,

If you have any guts, why dont you just come out frankly and tell your parents that you are dating? What is the need to play all these games with your own parents? If you dont want to tell them anything out of respect for them or to maintain privacy, that is your choice. But it seems like you are dying to tell them that you are getting it on, but do not have the courage to do so in an open way. Hence all this beating around the bush (no pun intended) with birth control pills.

Your dad is not f*cking with you. It is you who is f*cking with both your dad and mom. Your desi parents know a lot more about you than you think. They came here, worked day and night to give you a good life and they care about you. They have lived in the US all their lives and they are not stupid or naive. Given your overall behavior, they are well aware that you are not exactly a shrinking violet. However, they are decent enough to respect your privacy and not make you uncomfortable. You should learn to respect their feelings and not make them needlessly uncomfortable by hinting that you are sexually active.

Saminasha: Thanks for the explanation which certainly is crystal clear. And wow!! That para. of explanation was all compressed into a single sentence. No wonder ``yeh ganga ram ki samajh maiN na aye`` (at least until you explained it).

I have no problem with the subject matter or her writing style - I think Ms. Rizvi has done a fine job here. It is exactly for this reason that I am taking exception to the places where I think she has made compromises to trash culture by throwing in the f-word unnecessarily. Did Shakespeare have to use the f-word?? or Hemingway?? or any other great writer or artist?? Only freak rap stars (before they die of drug overdose, homicide) and certain cheap chowk posters do this to get attention that they lack the ability to generate any other manner.

Pay per use or gratis??

Ref Ajeya #36

[Some classy broad named Sofia Hayat steals the ass-light from Nicole Kidman at the UK premiere for her new film, The Interpreter.]

`Classy`? Are you sure? Aren`t the first two letters unnecessary?

tahmed … further more …

... and if you keep track of which trashy expression you heard at what point in your life, you need to get out more often. I kid you not. And don’t trivialize the author for “merely satisfying her physical pleasures” (re #2). If done right, it is known to rid a man of his delusions of self-righteousness.

And ponder over this too … you are the same self-righteousness idiot who once thought that I was “trying to pick up women (!)… on chowk (!!)… by starting rumors about them (!!!)”. Your comments made me wonder at several levels about your own outlook. What mental sickness one must suffer to come up with such asinine claims? … to this day I wonder about you. This etiquette talk sounds hypocritical coming from you.

And making “well-reasoned” jokes … is one way to butcher them. If a joke is funny, it comes across as such … even without “claims of reason”! Look at hamidm here as an example … and give me a break. No google searches for you over the weekend …

zahra,
i havn`t read such a dirty piecc in my life.
Don`t show people your uncontroble thouughts.
next time ,you would write sex with father.
i wonder how chowk managment pass it on.

This is indeed a personal perspective. I think it all depends on your closeness and understanding with your parents. Both respect and open communication have their own standing. Personally, I would not have any issues discussing the pill syndrome with my parents, provided I was taking one.

I agree with HP`s point on the choice of words and the context. Still, it boils down to one`s style. Each person has his or her own style(language, dress, outlook...).

I did not see any element of boldness in this write-up. It`s just an approach by an outspoken or extrovert.

HP - No, I dont think an obgyn`s the only option left, but I do think its the best option if you cant talk to your kids about sex because then you know your child is getting sound advice that they`ll be least likely to discount - but, as i said, if you have a moral problem with your child`s sex life, then that is of course something you need to address by yourself. But there is no gurantee that your child will grow up to hold the same moral values as you even if you`ve drummed it into their heads all their life.

Romair - the increased hits are courtesy all the old men on chowk. Not to mention the young(er) ones who dont have much to say about the issue at hand but are very happy to jump in nevertheless.

Tahmed - No, Shakespeare and Hemingway never used ``fuck`` when they wrote... but it might interest you to know that both of them pushed the envelope in other ways. More to the point, ``fuck`` is a term that doesnt belong to the realm of trash talk [it did long ago but not now]. Had Shakespeare or Hemingway [a man who made much ado out of his career as a bully and a drunk btw] lived today, they would definitely have used it - as do any number of their modern equivalents.

(just talking to meself)

* a duck is a duck (as linked in #31)

* but a duck by any other name is or is not a duck...depends where one digs up the sanad (reference)

* and it is apparent here a duck is a duck for some only if it quacks