Adultery Anonymous

Re: # 45

Sure, but the specific examples Farzana discusses here are of those who fall in love even though they are married to other people. She notes the more common examples above.

amrita #44: adultery does not mean that a man is in love with more than one woman. On the contrary, it indicates the man is in love only with himself.

This is because clearly the man seeks to maximize his personal sexual enjoyment without regard to the miseries and difficulties it creates for his wife and children. I have seen this happen with people.

Re: # 39
DM - Cool. Btw, my feelings are about the same except I think these are individual choices rather than cultural.

And [this is more general] I dont think Farzana advocated adultery or tried to determine the amount of virtue in it - the article seems to question the sufficiency of the institution of marriage as a buffer against falling in love with a third person.

naqshbandi: polygamy is legitimized adultery.

Mahesh,
Joseph Smith Jr., the founder of the mormons seems to have had a huge number of wives, all loyal to him. Not much of infightings in the Mormons record. So you are being too conservative in choosing the number to be 4. I suggest 50.

Vivek, no I haven`t.

I suggest to make any form of relationship legal among a limited group of men and women.

I suggest the group size be limited to 4. The group could consist of anywhere from 1 to 4 men or women.

Increasing the size would lead to petty jealousies and breakdown of society.

DMji,
I do not think of adultery as a virtue but it is not a crime. It happens everywhere so we have to learn to live with it.

amrita, vivek:

I believe that a loving single parent family is preferable to a dysfunctional two parent family. Yes, adultery happens but it is another matter whether one should consider it virtuous.

Mahesh,
You left out bisexuality.

#34,

We should legalize polygamy and while we are at it legalize polyandry too. Why shouldn`t women have multiple partners? While we are at it we should legalize same sex relationships too.

To keep things from getting too complicated the only legal form of polygamy-andry should be the one where one limited group of men and women are wed to only that particular group. The men and women should not be allowed to have relationships outside this group. Otherwise we will have a situation where every person is connected to the other through only six degrees of separation in legal relationships.

Naqshbandi,
There is evidence of some women in almost every society having paramours throughtout history, so should we legalise the right of a woman to have multiple patners too?

DMji,
Adultery sometimes happens and is often not planned. Many people who have committed adultery also are loving family members. Then again, adultery has been taking place all through Indian history inspite of all the tall claims that Indians make about them being the ``living for the family`` type.

Re: # 34
No. You cant right a wrong by legalizing it.

sattar ignoring your offensive remark, i made the point that in every society concubines existed and performed a social function--otherwise why did they exist for so long. as for prostitutes--i have a lot of sympathy for them; they get a raw deal from society. in an ideal society they wouldn`t exist but since humans aren`t perfect they will always exist.

my argument is that isn`t polygamy with all its responsiblities better than adultery?

Re: # 32

DM - let me play devil`s advocate here. Is it in the greater interest to consign oneself to an unhappy marriage that sees, say, daily screaming matches, indifference, children who become pawns, etc or is it better to cut the chord once and for all and grab your chance at love when it comes up knowing that this might be your one chance to become a happier and perhaps kinder person in the process?

Dear Farzana:

It all depends upon what value system one follows. Let me explain:

There is the system which places a higher value on collective good over individual rights - the collective could be a biradari/jirga, ethnicity (e.g., quebecois, maratha), state or a supranational entity, such as ummah.

The second system is one that puts family above an individual and society; this is the system prevalent in most of Asia, including India and Pakistan. At its best, you see this system at work in Bollywood where brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers are competing to sacrifice themselves for others; at its worst one sees it in people killing their own to protect the family honour.

The third system is the Anglo-Saxon system where it is the individual uber alles. Here, all that counts is I, me and mine and everything else is secondary. This system seems to be the model now for the Indian Gen-Xs as well.

What you say in this article is valid only if you believe in this third model.

Children are undoubtedly the worst sufferers of their parents` adultery which leads to broken homes.Maximum patients of serious psychiatric illnesses, drug/alcohol dependence
and deliberate self harm come from broken families.