Fauzia’s Rejection

Well done, writer! ;)

I love it.
Well written!
You go Girl!!!

Simple and very effective - three cheers! :)

pity how only a john could love her for who she was...on second thoughts, johns are pretty cute ;)

good for fauzia!

Anokhi,

It would be nice to read about those rare progressive desi single men, their mas and aunties who could care less about the circus and nonsense around lookism...

how come every act of freedom by a ``desi`` woman involves running out into the world and sleeping around?

or maybe that`s just a metaphor women use and that a regressive desi single man like me cannot understand.

and you should also realize the ``mas and aunties`` are themselves women and encourage this behaviour.. ``saas bhi kabhi bahu thi``

You have insightfully captured the pathology ailing the desi community when it comes to the choosing of mates (especially from the perspective of those who aren’t willing to sacrifice themselves at the altar of matrimony). And you have done it with subtlety to boot (well, maybe not so subtle in some places ;)). A great read!

Terranova,

What you ``brothas`` dont seem to understand is that a woman`s self determination over her body (reproduction, physical labor, strength gained during practicing sport, martial arts, dancing, etc., ability towards combat, AND sexual pleasure) is a significant as her intellectual development. Controlling and patriarchical language blows the stench of bs over this very obvious and powerful reality.

So rather than even try to change her society, she runs out on the situation. Stories like this do not encourage people to face reality but rather how to avoid it.

And before you jump all over me thinking that I`m just mad the character went off with a gora: I really couldn`t care. It`s not the act, but the reason that is usually given that I get annoyed at.

It seems the ultimate justification is that ``oh well, pakistani men are jerks``

Good one!

It truly shows the color of our culture in this aspect but I believe that slowly and gradually the numbers are changing.

My mom tells me that some of the aunties are so pathetic in this regard that even if they don`t have a son they go out to see girls. ``Bus nazar main rakhlen larki..rishta tu chayye he hota hey aksar``

very fast..

the begining reminded me of a gita mehta short-story (i forget which one..amrita? the one in which a gujju woman is in NY and her husband visits).

arranged marriages should be illegal..

While the situation described here does occur, is it always the men who are jerks? Don`t desi women want partners who are settled abroad, with a big bank balance, big house and a great car? Are you saying women (especially the desi variety) aren`t superficial? I agree with the author in that desis should go after Johns and Janes. Janes are hardworking, usually have a career and moreover, make an effort to stay attractive instead of letting go.

Ms. Sha:

Re: #8

Nicely said, really. The wholistic view of a woman you outline is appealing.

Re: #5
These ``rare progressive desi single men``…where are they? I’m not being facetious at the expense of our desi men many of whom I respect and admire. But honestly, doesn’t it seem that for the most part the progressive desi man is proving to be an elusive myth?

I mean there are desi men who consider themselves progressive (and would take great offense at being thought of as otherwise) but there always seems to be a road block. And doesn`t being ``progressive`` imply continuously moving forward and embracing new ideas and thoughts....? A little disheartening really :).

Terranova,

Please suggest how Fauzia might ``change`` her society. Also include examples of how you change your society.

Secondly, this particular society is constantly congratulating itself on its patriarchical values and how they are ``superior`` to the other cultural values.

Thirdly, part of a woman`s self determination is her ABSOLUTE right to choose where she will nuture herself. I guess thats what so frightening to some....

Kabuliwallah,

Most ABCD women I know have bought themselves cars, houses and have big accounts, thanks to their professional careers.

MiriamK,

Thanks!

Some of my cousins and friends have lovely husbands who are extremely supportive, encouraging, dont buy into the looks/color nonsense and are a lot of fun. They exist. :)