Fauzia’s Rejection
A Bismil May 18, 2005
#113 Posted by sajal on May 19, 2005 2:12:36 pm
The Beauty Of A Woman
The beauty of a woman
isn`t in the clothes she wears,
The figure that she carries,
or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman
must be seen from in her eyes;
Because that`s the doorway to her heart,
the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman
isn`t in a facial mole;
But true beauty in a woman,
is reflected by her soul.
It`s the caring that she cares to give,
the passion that she shows;
And the beauty of a woman
with passing years only grows.
© Maya Angelou
The beauty of a woman
isn`t in the clothes she wears,
The figure that she carries,
or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman
must be seen from in her eyes;
Because that`s the doorway to her heart,
the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman
isn`t in a facial mole;
But true beauty in a woman,
is reflected by her soul.
It`s the caring that she cares to give,
the passion that she shows;
And the beauty of a woman
with passing years only grows.
© Maya Angelou
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#114 Posted by temporal on May 19, 2005 2:18:36 pm
sajal:
no i have to go and look for that ghungroo-mangal sut`r poem
be right back;)
no i have to go and look for that ghungroo-mangal sut`r poem
be right back;)
#115 Posted by echoboom on May 19, 2005 2:29:07 pm
Another view from those who cherish their superior civilisation
But westernised-whiners & hamburger-hooked in any field always try to glamourise by fancying themselves to be intellectuals. First sign of age creeping-up & decay setting-in.
To be an odometer reader & to be at the steering wheel are two different experiences. Smart women read men & drive men &-- win; stupid women read manuals & try to become mannish--and lose.
Men are possessive territorial protective; they,as husbands, brothers, fathers, policemen, firefighters, or soldiers; will continue to protect, possess, and guard women & children whether the women & children want it or not.
Women will continue to nurture, preserve, accomodate, compromise & love men who exhibit above manly attributes.
[exceptions like hijraas, khusraas, pimps & semen-gutters do not make the rule]
Men will always serve women under the illusion that they (men) are masters. Such is the divine distribution of design & desire.
Arranged Marriages -Its Rationale
- By- Chandra M. Ganju
[MashaAllah]
Chandra Ganju is a lawyer by profession and currently works in the department of Children and Family in the state of Florida. She moved to United States ten years ago and has been living in Florida ever since. She is deeply interested in spirituality and likes to write mostly about issues concerning women and society as a whole. She also has taken up writing plays in Kashmiri language recently. She is concerned about the decline of Kashmiri language and hopes that her plays will revive the interest of younger generation in this rich language.
She has two beautiful children and a loving husband and she believes in enjoying life to the fullest.
....................................................................................................................................
I was on my lunch break when one of my friends asked me if my daughter who is 21 years old and in college, has a boyfriend. I said, no. Taken by surprise to hear my outright answer, my co-worker said: ``Come on, your daughter, as far as I know, has been raised here in America. I find it impossible to believe that she has no boyfriend.``
Without waiting for my answer, another co-worker of mine said, ``Well, she is from one of those countries where they marry their children without their consent.`` Turning to me she said, ``You have arranged marriages in India. Don’t you? You people marry without any love or dating the person you marry.``
``That is weird``, said the first co-worker. ``How can you marry somebody you don’t date?`` I gave a sarcastic look and smiled to myself. I felt sorry for their lack of general knowledge and poor analysis. Before forming any opinion about any culture, religion or country one should do complete homework read and try to understand with open mind.
``Yes``, I said. ``We definitely believe in arranged marriages, I have had an arranged marriage and my daughter will be married the same way. I feel arranged marriages are a great way to lower the alarmingly high rate of divorces in the world.``
What is an Arranged Marriage?
Arranged marriage does not mean to be tied to somebody without your consent. It involves a lot more than getting two people to spend rest of their lives together because their parents think it is good for them that way. Arranged marriage prevents us from having intimate physical relationships with ten people before we find the right partner, that too if we are lucky. Marriages are not contracts you make today and break tomorrow. It is a union of two souls, two individuals, two families, and two cultures. This cannot be done just by meeting some body at a club or at a beach and by dating for days together.
Marriage is based on lot of factors. Economic, educational, social, cultural, and most of all romantic compatibility is very important too. In arranged marriages loving and caring parents or family friends or relatives help in looking for compatible match, keeping in view all the requisite factors.
After matching compatibility of education, family, profession, the boy and the girl meet each other to look for their mutual liking and understanding. If they like each other then they agree to take final wows. They don’t have to worry about family background or economical background . Parents and family friends have already taken care of it. Then two sets of families also meet and get to know each other’s life style. So after all this work out, possibility of any unknown factor creating marital discord is minimal.
Western Vs. Eastern
While in western culture, marriages fall apart even on the next day of wedding because of several reasons, in eastern culture couples usually stand with each other through thick and thin. Divorces really are the last resort when everything else has failed. In short, arranged marriage is not a forced marriage but a well thought and a calculated move.
My marriage like many others was arranged. My husband was an engineer and I was a lawyer. So educational compatibility was met. My parents and my husband’s parents are well-respected families in society and well-educated and cultured people. So social and family compatibility were met too. We both are from Kashmir, speak same language and eat same kind of food, cultural compatibility was met too. Mutual liking and understanding was well talked and discussed by us.
It would take a lot for this marriage to go wrong. Even today after 23 years of our marriage, it seems I met my husband yesterday and fragrance and freshness of our first meeting is still there.
My friend said: ``Wow! That makes sense. This is not the arranged marriage that I was thinking about. This happens in some classes of western societies also. Friends or families arrange our date. There is always somebody who helps you to meet some body. I agree with the fact that all factors should be explored first before we give out ourselves and wind up with babies without fathers.``
But westernised-whiners & hamburger-hooked in any field always try to glamourise by fancying themselves to be intellectuals. First sign of age creeping-up & decay setting-in.
To be an odometer reader & to be at the steering wheel are two different experiences. Smart women read men & drive men &-- win; stupid women read manuals & try to become mannish--and lose.
Men are possessive territorial protective; they,as husbands, brothers, fathers, policemen, firefighters, or soldiers; will continue to protect, possess, and guard women & children whether the women & children want it or not.
Women will continue to nurture, preserve, accomodate, compromise & love men who exhibit above manly attributes.
[exceptions like hijraas, khusraas, pimps & semen-gutters do not make the rule]
Men will always serve women under the illusion that they (men) are masters. Such is the divine distribution of design & desire.
Arranged Marriages -Its Rationale
- By- Chandra M. Ganju
[MashaAllah]
Chandra Ganju is a lawyer by profession and currently works in the department of Children and Family in the state of Florida. She moved to United States ten years ago and has been living in Florida ever since. She is deeply interested in spirituality and likes to write mostly about issues concerning women and society as a whole. She also has taken up writing plays in Kashmiri language recently. She is concerned about the decline of Kashmiri language and hopes that her plays will revive the interest of younger generation in this rich language.
She has two beautiful children and a loving husband and she believes in enjoying life to the fullest.
....................................................................................................................................
I was on my lunch break when one of my friends asked me if my daughter who is 21 years old and in college, has a boyfriend. I said, no. Taken by surprise to hear my outright answer, my co-worker said: ``Come on, your daughter, as far as I know, has been raised here in America. I find it impossible to believe that she has no boyfriend.``
Without waiting for my answer, another co-worker of mine said, ``Well, she is from one of those countries where they marry their children without their consent.`` Turning to me she said, ``You have arranged marriages in India. Don’t you? You people marry without any love or dating the person you marry.``
``That is weird``, said the first co-worker. ``How can you marry somebody you don’t date?`` I gave a sarcastic look and smiled to myself. I felt sorry for their lack of general knowledge and poor analysis. Before forming any opinion about any culture, religion or country one should do complete homework read and try to understand with open mind.
``Yes``, I said. ``We definitely believe in arranged marriages, I have had an arranged marriage and my daughter will be married the same way. I feel arranged marriages are a great way to lower the alarmingly high rate of divorces in the world.``
What is an Arranged Marriage?
Arranged marriage does not mean to be tied to somebody without your consent. It involves a lot more than getting two people to spend rest of their lives together because their parents think it is good for them that way. Arranged marriage prevents us from having intimate physical relationships with ten people before we find the right partner, that too if we are lucky. Marriages are not contracts you make today and break tomorrow. It is a union of two souls, two individuals, two families, and two cultures. This cannot be done just by meeting some body at a club or at a beach and by dating for days together.
Marriage is based on lot of factors. Economic, educational, social, cultural, and most of all romantic compatibility is very important too. In arranged marriages loving and caring parents or family friends or relatives help in looking for compatible match, keeping in view all the requisite factors.
After matching compatibility of education, family, profession, the boy and the girl meet each other to look for their mutual liking and understanding. If they like each other then they agree to take final wows. They don’t have to worry about family background or economical background . Parents and family friends have already taken care of it. Then two sets of families also meet and get to know each other’s life style. So after all this work out, possibility of any unknown factor creating marital discord is minimal.
Western Vs. Eastern
While in western culture, marriages fall apart even on the next day of wedding because of several reasons, in eastern culture couples usually stand with each other through thick and thin. Divorces really are the last resort when everything else has failed. In short, arranged marriage is not a forced marriage but a well thought and a calculated move.
My marriage like many others was arranged. My husband was an engineer and I was a lawyer. So educational compatibility was met. My parents and my husband’s parents are well-respected families in society and well-educated and cultured people. So social and family compatibility were met too. We both are from Kashmir, speak same language and eat same kind of food, cultural compatibility was met too. Mutual liking and understanding was well talked and discussed by us.
It would take a lot for this marriage to go wrong. Even today after 23 years of our marriage, it seems I met my husband yesterday and fragrance and freshness of our first meeting is still there.
My friend said: ``Wow! That makes sense. This is not the arranged marriage that I was thinking about. This happens in some classes of western societies also. Friends or families arrange our date. There is always somebody who helps you to meet some body. I agree with the fact that all factors should be explored first before we give out ourselves and wind up with babies without fathers.``
#116 Posted by temporal on May 19, 2005 2:29:15 pm
sajal:
nice poem...there may be a typo in this line must be seen from in her eyes;
the poem (retrieved from the i-logs;)) depicts the plight of sub-continental women:
ghulami
waq`t ki lehrouN ka toh`faa
ghung`roo hO ya mangal sut`r
zanjeeraiN haiN donouN hee
ik azli ghulami ki
slavery
gift from the waves of Time
ghungroo or mangal sut`r
living symbols are they both
of eternal slavery.
and one other thing in context of fozia...hundreds of thousands of fozias also succumb to the practice of dowry...
lve
t
nice poem...there may be a typo in this line must be seen from in her eyes;
the poem (retrieved from the i-logs;)) depicts the plight of sub-continental women:
ghulami
waq`t ki lehrouN ka toh`faa
ghung`roo hO ya mangal sut`r
zanjeeraiN haiN donouN hee
ik azli ghulami ki
slavery
gift from the waves of Time
ghungroo or mangal sut`r
living symbols are they both
of eternal slavery.
and one other thing in context of fozia...hundreds of thousands of fozias also succumb to the practice of dowry...
lve
t
#118 Posted by sajal on May 19, 2005 2:45:52 pm
RE# 116
Temporal jee, I have one more, how about this?
The strength of a man
isn`t seen in the width
of his shoulders.
It`s seen in the width
of his arms that circle you..
The strength of a man
isn`t in the deep tone
of his voice.
It`s in the gentle
words he whispers...
The strength of a man
isn`t how many buddies he has.
It`s how good a buddy
he is with his kids...
The strength of a man isn`t
in how respected he is at work.
It`s in how respected
he is at home...
The strength of a man
isn`t in how hard he hits.
It`s in how tender
he touches...
The strength of a man
isn`t in the hair on his chest.
It`s in his Heart,
that lies within his chest...
The strength of a man
isn`t how many women he`s loved.
It`s in can he be
true to one woman...
The strength of a man
isn`t in the weight he can lift.
It`s in the burdens
he can carry...
© July 15, 1999
Jacqueline Marie Griffiths
Temporal jee, I have one more, how about this?
The strength of a man
isn`t seen in the width
of his shoulders.
It`s seen in the width
of his arms that circle you..
The strength of a man
isn`t in the deep tone
of his voice.
It`s in the gentle
words he whispers...
The strength of a man
isn`t how many buddies he has.
It`s how good a buddy
he is with his kids...
The strength of a man isn`t
in how respected he is at work.
It`s in how respected
he is at home...
The strength of a man
isn`t in how hard he hits.
It`s in how tender
he touches...
The strength of a man
isn`t in the hair on his chest.
It`s in his Heart,
that lies within his chest...
The strength of a man
isn`t how many women he`s loved.
It`s in can he be
true to one woman...
The strength of a man
isn`t in the weight he can lift.
It`s in the burdens
he can carry...
© July 15, 1999
Jacqueline Marie Griffiths
#119 Posted by temporal on May 19, 2005 2:59:00 pm
sajal bibi:
kyun tung kar raheeN haiN aap?:)
achcha paRhiyay:
mar`d ki taaqat
mar`d ki taaqat
teen* alfaaz ko
dohranay maiN
nehaaN nahiN
mar`d ki taaqat
(aur aurat ki bhee)
achchay insaaN
bun nay maiN hay
mard ki taaqat
zul`m maiN nahiN
pyar o ad`l
barabari
aur haqooq ki
ja`ez taqsim
maiN chupi hay
*talaq
kyun tung kar raheeN haiN aap?:)
achcha paRhiyay:
mar`d ki taaqat
mar`d ki taaqat
teen* alfaaz ko
dohranay maiN
nehaaN nahiN
mar`d ki taaqat
(aur aurat ki bhee)
achchay insaaN
bun nay maiN hay
mard ki taaqat
zul`m maiN nahiN
pyar o ad`l
barabari
aur haqooq ki
ja`ez taqsim
maiN chupi hay
*talaq
#120 Posted by sajal on May 19, 2005 2:59:11 pm
Be Good To You
Be Yourself ~ Truthfully
Accept Yourself ~ Gracefully
Value Yourself ~ Joyfully
Forgive Yourself ~ Completely
Treat Yourself ~ Generously
Balance Yourself ~ Harmoniously
Bless Yourself ~ Abundantly
Trust Yourself ~ Confidently
Love Yourself ~ Wholeheartedly
Empower Yourself ~ Prayerfully
Give Of Yourself ~ Enthusiastically
Express Yourself ~ Radiantly
Author Unknown
Be Yourself ~ Truthfully
Accept Yourself ~ Gracefully
Value Yourself ~ Joyfully
Forgive Yourself ~ Completely
Treat Yourself ~ Generously
Balance Yourself ~ Harmoniously
Bless Yourself ~ Abundantly
Trust Yourself ~ Confidently
Love Yourself ~ Wholeheartedly
Empower Yourself ~ Prayerfully
Give Of Yourself ~ Enthusiastically
Express Yourself ~ Radiantly
Author Unknown
#121 Posted by temporal on May 19, 2005 3:07:02 pm
miriam #107:
in a lighter mood last month while discussing women`s empowerment with friends we all agreed that education is the long term solution and should be the weapon of choice...but for countries like pakistan...in the short term all guns in the public domain should be snatched from mullahs and non-mullahs alike and handed over to the women...that would be effective empowerment and effective deterrent in the short term...
now if wishes were horses:)
lve
t
in a lighter mood last month while discussing women`s empowerment with friends we all agreed that education is the long term solution and should be the weapon of choice...but for countries like pakistan...in the short term all guns in the public domain should be snatched from mullahs and non-mullahs alike and handed over to the women...that would be effective empowerment and effective deterrent in the short term...
now if wishes were horses:)
lve
t
#122 Posted by sajal on May 19, 2005 3:12:08 pm
Re: # 119
Temporal jee,
Men and women have their own respective strengths which should be appreciated. I dont believe anyone is inferior yet in our society as I said in one of my earlier posts # 88 that women derive their strength from their men.
So I believe then the burden to be strong lay much more heavily on men at which they are failing marvelously. Won`t give up their strength yet won`t let a woman have some strength either. How dare she! The inferior one!
Temporal jee,
Men and women have their own respective strengths which should be appreciated. I dont believe anyone is inferior yet in our society as I said in one of my earlier posts # 88 that women derive their strength from their men.
So I believe then the burden to be strong lay much more heavily on men at which they are failing marvelously. Won`t give up their strength yet won`t let a woman have some strength either. How dare she! The inferior one!
#123 Posted by temporal on May 19, 2005 3:25:56 pm
sajal:
achcha aik last post?...daikho bhaee...equality kay buhat say maanay haiN...
the equality i am discussing is ... to give u an example...as it is understood in law...the murderer gets the noose if he is proved to be guilty of the murder...the law judges the murderer on the act...not on his her sex, religion, nationality etc...
baat buhat lambi ho sakhti hai...laikin aap samajh gaeen hoNgi...
t
ps: and from #88 correct me but i get the impression that you think women derive their strength from men..is that so?..and if it so let me register a strong protest
both men and women derive their strength directly and equally from the same source.
achcha aik last post?...daikho bhaee...equality kay buhat say maanay haiN...
the equality i am discussing is ... to give u an example...as it is understood in law...the murderer gets the noose if he is proved to be guilty of the murder...the law judges the murderer on the act...not on his her sex, religion, nationality etc...
baat buhat lambi ho sakhti hai...laikin aap samajh gaeen hoNgi...
t
ps: and from #88 correct me but i get the impression that you think women derive their strength from men..is that so?..and if it so let me register a strong protest
both men and women derive their strength directly and equally from the same source.
#124 Posted by echoboom on May 19, 2005 3:32:23 pm
Sajal:118
All poetry & spin-doctoring aside.
`` YooN naa thhaa, meiN neiN faquat chahaa thha yooN ho jaaey``.
once the creeping shadows of age loom, then every `man` starts looking like a nice `boy`
and vice-versa.
Ugly and old men with money & beautiful young women with mammaries, in the west, always seem to be attracted to each other, are applauded & put on magazine covers.
Marxist intellectuals may disdain & sneer at these successful ones, but such glaring truth just cannot be denied. No one has to decide the other`s happiness index; not in the least the marxist/progressive/liberal pen-pushers... the losers on EVERY front.
A whole cosmetic & advertising industry for westernised-women is a living proof that: Maya Angelou ghaas khaati hai.
A whole pornographic & violence industry for men is a living proof that westernised-scum men are really putting their money where perhaps it should not be: According to that poor miserable Anonymous (perhaps khusra) poet...with a small `p`.
Of course the have-nots & downtrodden in the looks-books department have their Maya Angelous: Misery loves company.
Of course the ones who are poor and powerless have their Deepak Chopras: To teach them how to get shafted by the system & savour every minute of it.
All poetry & spin-doctoring aside.
`` YooN naa thhaa, meiN neiN faquat chahaa thha yooN ho jaaey``.
once the creeping shadows of age loom, then every `man` starts looking like a nice `boy`
and vice-versa.
Ugly and old men with money & beautiful young women with mammaries, in the west, always seem to be attracted to each other, are applauded & put on magazine covers.
Marxist intellectuals may disdain & sneer at these successful ones, but such glaring truth just cannot be denied. No one has to decide the other`s happiness index; not in the least the marxist/progressive/liberal pen-pushers... the losers on EVERY front.
A whole cosmetic & advertising industry for westernised-women is a living proof that: Maya Angelou ghaas khaati hai.
A whole pornographic & violence industry for men is a living proof that westernised-scum men are really putting their money where perhaps it should not be: According to that poor miserable Anonymous (perhaps khusra) poet...with a small `p`.
Of course the have-nots & downtrodden in the looks-books department have their Maya Angelous: Misery loves company.
Of course the ones who are poor and powerless have their Deepak Chopras: To teach them how to get shafted by the system & savour every minute of it.
#125 Posted by abysmal on May 19, 2005 3:46:39 pm
dear readers,
Thank you for your comments and criticisms. I take them all in good faith. What is important is not how the story is written or it`s literary merit, but what it stands for. Fauzia`s character is based the ugly truths of our soceity. I have extracted bits and pieces of Fauzia`s experience from my own life and the lives of women that I know. This story is just a fragment of these experiences. I`m working on the next chapter. It may offend some readers and their sensibilities but I have to get the stories and experiences of these women out in the open, in my own way, however amateurish and blase it may seem.
Thank you for your comments and criticisms. I take them all in good faith. What is important is not how the story is written or it`s literary merit, but what it stands for. Fauzia`s character is based the ugly truths of our soceity. I have extracted bits and pieces of Fauzia`s experience from my own life and the lives of women that I know. This story is just a fragment of these experiences. I`m working on the next chapter. It may offend some readers and their sensibilities but I have to get the stories and experiences of these women out in the open, in my own way, however amateurish and blase it may seem.
#126 Posted by rahul_capri on May 19, 2005 4:34:12 pm
Desi girls are generally skeptical of dating. If someone loathes arranged marriage, they should get out a bit more and take some chances.
I am aware of someone from the subcontinent who married a white guy who was her highschool sweetheart, is divorced now, and says that is was a mistake to marry out of her culture.Just wanted to make the point that stereotypes aint correct.
I am aware of someone from the subcontinent who married a white guy who was her highschool sweetheart, is divorced now, and says that is was a mistake to marry out of her culture.Just wanted to make the point that stereotypes aint correct.
#127 Posted by miriamk on May 19, 2005 5:09:43 pm
Sajal
#108
Thank you for the compliment. And nice quotes by the way. I think I liked Margaret Young`s best.
Three cheers indeed :).
ShoreSahib
#111
Much obliged!
Temporal
#121
No doubt education is first and foremost on the list. I`m just not sure if it`s enough on it`s own. As for the guns? sigh....does this have to turn into an ugly gender war? I read somewhere (or was it heard) that `feminism is this radical idea that women are people too` (paraphrase). On a daily basis I don`t face the kind of resistance many desi women face. I have supportive people in my life and have been fortunate to do what I enjoy as far as education and career. So, I know I speak from a priveleged position when I`m irreverent. I mean there are women out there with ``real`` problems who don`t have a voice (you know what i mean don`t you? poverty, abuse, etc.).
#108
Thank you for the compliment. And nice quotes by the way. I think I liked Margaret Young`s best.
Three cheers indeed :).
ShoreSahib
#111
Much obliged!
Temporal
#121
No doubt education is first and foremost on the list. I`m just not sure if it`s enough on it`s own. As for the guns? sigh....does this have to turn into an ugly gender war? I read somewhere (or was it heard) that `feminism is this radical idea that women are people too` (paraphrase). On a daily basis I don`t face the kind of resistance many desi women face. I have supportive people in my life and have been fortunate to do what I enjoy as far as education and career. So, I know I speak from a priveleged position when I`m irreverent. I mean there are women out there with ``real`` problems who don`t have a voice (you know what i mean don`t you? poverty, abuse, etc.).
#128 Posted by ZahraJ on May 19, 2005 7:32:49 pm
Re: # 126
Rahul,
Good points. Life is all about taking chances anyway :) Whether you marry someone within your culture or outside your culture, both involve risk and chances. You can be risk-averse or risk taker or both or none.
Rahul,
Good points. Life is all about taking chances anyway :) Whether you marry someone within your culture or outside your culture, both involve risk and chances. You can be risk-averse or risk taker or both or none.
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