Love Among The Ruins

#20 Posted by moonbeams on August 28, 2005 5:35:32 am

Re: # 14
Temporal and Sajal thank you for welcoming me to chowk! you are right sajal sometimes we get lost in the mechanics of our daily life that we neglect delicate emotions and our intrinsic needs. Temporal thanks for your positive feedback. :)

#19 Posted by moonbeams on August 28, 2005 5:27:59 am

Re: # 6
thanks :)

#18 Posted by moonbeams on August 28, 2005 5:26:05 am

Zainabsiddiqiue, Urstruly, miriamk, qawali, Kyle:
Wow! thanks for your positive and detailed comments. It`s an encouraging for a first timer like me!! thank you all :)

#17 Posted by moonbeams on August 28, 2005 5:19:50 am

Re: # 4
Beejay: trying to keep track (snicker, snicker)

#16 Posted by moonbeams on August 27, 2005 1:31:58 am

Re: # 12
Ballukhan jee, no I am not related to Salim Durrani.

#15 Posted by kyla on August 22, 2005 1:55:30 am

I really like this images in this poem and some of the more abstract turns of phrase. Like others, I was fond of ``virgins dreams``, but my favourtie line is ``Writing feverishly on still water.``

#14 Posted by sajal on August 18, 2005 3:06:43 pm

Sheema,
Welcome to chowk!
I loved the poem, simple,expressive and touching.

It is easy to lose yourself in the daily grind of life along with whatever you deeply care for.

Emotions are very tricky especially love either it is there or its not.

sajal

#13 Posted by qawali on August 18, 2005 11:09:58 am

Good job.

I liked the concept of ``Virgin dreams``
and the next line reminded me of a Qawali by Nusrat:
Naqsh bar-aab naheen, weham naheen, Khaab naheen

It left me wanting a couple more lines to paint the imagery of the ruins, like a kitchen, an altar of sacrifices (not necessarily virgin)
: o )

#12 Posted by ballukhan on August 18, 2005 12:12:19 am

S(h)eema are U related to Salim Durrani the cricketer???

#11 Posted by Zeena on August 17, 2005 8:13:32 pm

sheem ji
Adab araz hey
naik tamanao key bad arz hay keh
Aap kii poetry kaa naa sir hay naa pair
sheem babe
your poetry is headless and tailless.....
God knows ,how come you dared to write such a meaningless garbage?
Sorry,but,this is my opinion.
Even though I encourage you to write more G

#10 Posted by temporal on August 17, 2005 9:42:34 am

sheems:

first a welcome to chowk…hope to see more of your poems here!

over all you have been precise and concise…there is not much that can be deleted here without altering the thrust…always a good sign from a first timer...

some lines i really enjoyed:

Where did it all end? I do not know - the insertion of end was a good touch...

Too busy - interesting repetition

…. children yet to be born
The stale remnants of virgin dreams
Of flickering hope
Writing feverishly on still water

good use of images and metaphors

lve

t

#9 Posted by shobig_sifar on August 17, 2005 8:58:21 am

touche

#8 Posted by miriamk on August 17, 2005 8:26:23 am

sheema:

nice to have you on chowk.

i enjoyed reading this. you’ve written with a simple honesty—no pretense here at all (always a plus in my book). there are some expressive and moving lines in here. hope to read more from you soon.

rgds
m

#7 Posted by Urstruly on August 17, 2005 7:58:09 am

Sheema,

simple & beautiful poem. The feelings and emotions are expressed quite delicately. And most of all I did not feel cheated, as when I feel while reading some poems that are just prose written in staggered manner.

#6 Posted by catfischblues on August 17, 2005 7:18:17 am

very well written. a pleasurable and fluid read. :)