Love Among The Ruins

Just one work: Excellent!!!

Re: # 14
Temporal and Sajal thank you for welcoming me to chowk! you are right sajal sometimes we get lost in the mechanics of our daily life that we neglect delicate emotions and our intrinsic needs. Temporal thanks for your positive feedback. :)

Re: # 6
thanks :)

Zainabsiddiqiue, Urstruly, miriamk, qawali, Kyle:
Wow! thanks for your positive and detailed comments. It`s an encouraging for a first timer like me!! thank you all :)

Re: # 4
Beejay: trying to keep track (snicker, snicker)

Re: # 12
Ballukhan jee, no I am not related to Salim Durrani.

I really like this images in this poem and some of the more abstract turns of phrase. Like others, I was fond of ``virgins dreams``, but my favourtie line is ``Writing feverishly on still water.``

Sheema,
Welcome to chowk!
I loved the poem, simple,expressive and touching.

It is easy to lose yourself in the daily grind of life along with whatever you deeply care for.

Emotions are very tricky especially love either it is there or its not.

sajal

Good job.

I liked the concept of ``Virgin dreams``
and the next line reminded me of a Qawali by Nusrat:
Naqsh bar-aab naheen, weham naheen, Khaab naheen

It left me wanting a couple more lines to paint the imagery of the ruins, like a kitchen, an altar of sacrifices (not necessarily virgin)
: o )

S(h)eema are U related to Salim Durrani the cricketer???

sheem ji
Adab araz hey
naik tamanao key bad arz hay keh
Aap kii poetry kaa naa sir hay naa pair
sheem babe
your poetry is headless and tailless.....
God knows ,how come you dared to write such a meaningless garbage?
Sorry,but,this is my opinion.
Even though I encourage you to write more G

sheems:

first a welcome to chowk…hope to see more of your poems here!

over all you have been precise and concise…there is not much that can be deleted here without altering the thrust…always a good sign from a first timer...

some lines i really enjoyed:

Where did it all end? I do not know - the insertion of end was a good touch...

Too busy - interesting repetition

…. children yet to be born
The stale remnants of virgin dreams
Of flickering hope
Writing feverishly on still water

good use of images and metaphors

lve

t

touche

sheema:

nice to have you on chowk.

i enjoyed reading this. you’ve written with a simple honesty—no pretense here at all (always a plus in my book). there are some expressive and moving lines in here. hope to read more from you soon.

rgds
m

Sheema,

simple & beautiful poem. The feelings and emotions are expressed quite delicately. And most of all I did not feel cheated, as when I feel while reading some poems that are just prose written in staggered manner.

very well written. a pleasurable and fluid read. :)

A BEAUTIFUL COMBINATION OF FEELINGS AND LANGUAGE ESPECIALLY IN THE SECOND STANZA! THE MESSAGE THAT IT GIVES ME IS THAT WE MUST NEVER LET OUR DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS MAR THE BEAUTY OF OUR PRESENT AND THAT IT IS NEVER TO BE OVERLOOKED BUT TO BE ENJOYED.

Different people read poetry differently. I like this poem, which is apparently about a broken relationship, in which one party was blind-sided, and she is now trying to find her way back. A bit too melodramatic and also a little too pessimistic at the end! However, everyone has own style. Pay no attention to hecklers, if any. On second thoughts, DO keep track of them and pay them all back (and then some) in their own currency, when THEY get around to writing theirs! Yeah!

Or too busy stifling my screams
In our daily rituals

These lines are expressive of the nature of many women`s lives.Hopefully, they will wake up and live their lives bravely rather than give up, unable to recognise the chances that life may offer, without sinking further into despair as this poem seems to suggest.

Of children yet to be born
The stale remnants of virgin dreams

...bibi toba karo...kevin gallan kerdi ho...

wellbutrin may do you good, i`m not being mean, it`s a sincere piece of advice