I miss you

There`s a nice flow to the writing and the descriptions are vivid but the theme is pretty old and there`s no real depth. Good work though - hope to see you writing more.

excellent work!
hope to see some more good stuff .... try some poetry im sure ull do good..
and dont worry about the comments ... just consentrate on expressing ur feelings the way u want..

What a comment kaurasach, lolz!!!!! :-).i liked that.

Thank you Elusive:) i will try harder next time:))

My very candid opinion:

I have seen certain really good pieces stacked down in the unplugged section of Chowk which should have been there on the main page. And, sadly, they have been much better than this one.

Nevertheless,this short, piece by Mizz_Nadia , indeed echoes sentiments which majority of us have felt at some point in our lives and therefore, indeed most of us can relate to it.

But, frankly, the writing style is quite amateurish , but, there is definately room for improvement and i am sure that next time we will get to see, something, more descriptive and more polished from Mizz_nadia`s side.This is definately not your best piece Mizz_nadia but i am looking forward to reading something beter from you. I hope you won`t disappoint us.

All my regards and good luck.

** no offence intended- just an honest opinion- constructive critiscism my friend.**

Re: # 25

I appreciate everyones comment...neg and positive...really i do....what i didnt understand is why Nadia_Z Attacked so emotionally...she went OTT.

I am not a writer...i would like to be...and have alot to learn...i need to be told how i should improve...and not disheartened by someone who didnt criticise but instead blamed the Chowk for putting up my piece...i dont see any fairness in that...

Peace:)

Re: # 25

I appreciate everyones comment...neg and positive...really i do....what i didnt understand is why Nadia_Z Attacked so emotionally...she went OTT.

I am not a writer...i would like to be...and have alot to learn...i need to be told how i should improve...and not disheartened by someone who didnt criticise but instead blamed the Chowk for putting up my piece...i dont see any fairness in that...

Peace:)

Miss Nazia,

Please treat this as honest assessment:

``The twinkling lights faded out the cool soft breeze turned crisp and uncomfortable sending shivers down her spine``

Notwithstanding your writing skills this writeup doesnt cut with me. Perhaps crying in bed is such a woman thing. Perhaps I`m so comfortable with people around me that I dont miss the dead or the deserted. Or perhaps I`m just a heartless bastard :)

``Aila! This is turning out to be a self-assessment`` :))

But nahin, I`m not. So why doesnt it affect me like it does to others? Maybe, the void-the emptiness left behind from your beloved doesnt come out very clearly here. Or maybe I just dont like sad-melancholic stories. Or perhaps I`ve had my quota in Kafka.

Please please dont treat this as a review on your writing skills as such. From the few lines above it`s evident that I`m not qualified to judge your writing skills.

Cheers

woops!!... you know what, i just read it again and i have to agree with you... i dont know what i was thinking... it came out sans coherence... nevermind but keep writing...

cheers!

Re: # 20

``everybody has his/her own space to write ``

Oh really? then how come u have such a boot up ur behind about my piece?

``I am not made for chowk and I never have made clear cut Great Expectations either. It is my perceptions to analyze certain elemnts and react accordingly irrespective genderly. ``

Oh! you are not made for chowk? for one moment i actually thought u ran this place...u sure as hell sound like it from ur comments...
Ur perception sux..and ur analyzing is overflowing with criticism..
Ever seen a lil kid sulking and being stubborn over the fact someone else got the candy they wanted? thats what you are doing...sulking over the fact my piece which may not be a masterpiece in ur high mighty eyes..landed the front page...

Well get over it..and if u r heated and got a problem...start a forum or a discussion somewhere else...talk about seeking ATTENTION...Ur unprovoked attack does nothing but make u appear jealous...

I have not wrote for ur benefit so that u can splash your crass comments over..my first attempt at writing...I am pretty sure ur first piece wasnt oozing with talent...

Nice profound imagery Nadia. Nadia K thats is. Keep writing.
Take it easy Nadia....errr...Naida Z that is. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, you could at least try and live up to that saying. :)

Beejay # 18:

Your obvious irrelevant response is showing your composite biasness towards subjectless crap.

-And for your little information Artificial Intelligence is computational ability to make computer/machines achieve goals may be in human way.

-There is nothing to do with me of 100001 other chowkies acting humane or not. Beejay you must stick to my arguments fellow by the time.

-And if there are 100 nicks of each chowkie than you should give achievable solution to chowk staff to eliminate this habitual error if you are feeling control failures in the system.

-And there is nothing to do if you have observation that from past few months the rate of making new obnoxious nicks is beaming high. Fort that too make possible solutions.

-And by the way what this behavior is to do with this article and discussion.

-And you are again estimitating your built up analysis of my being gender conscious. Give me Examples for that and make a Histogram of my interacts if that you mean. It is needless to say that I interact where I feel of my choice as given the opportunity.
And what is ``Fairer Sex``, I am not familiar with this term.

-And Have I ever stressed the guidelines of chowk.com....No , Never and won`t like to be.
Like other principles of writing it might be to prevent abusive attitude. And these guidelines are not made to confine the writer to be a chowk-colored writer. everybody has his/her own space to write and follow and chowk guidelines are mere ethics to worth some morals.

-And btw you are marking [other] chowk.com writers and trying to split the issue for me. And for you kind information if chowk is a place for second rate writers than you yourself are degrading the credibility of chowk.com where you are claiming it as a serious place for serious ideas as well.

-The multinature of chowk due to its interactors should not be supported and you yourself not eligible to demand a policy for uncanny behaviors stressing towards impartiality.
There is a place in chowk.com called as ``Instant Publishing`` which can be a favourable place for budding writers to propagate, or tell me what is the purpose of that.

-Lastly Beejay I am not made for chowk and I never have made clear cut Great Expectations either. It is my perceptions to analyze certain elemnts and react accordingly irrespective genderly.

-Chowk for me is an activation of Ideas and Identities mainly relating India and Pakistan.
And it is a place to read, write and think.

-So I believe in freedom of expression constructively not to be showing respect towards ineffectivity and low baseness.

Chillax Nads! Is there something in the article which deeply affected you in any way?

;-)

Beejay:

You are again arguing with me to favor something which donot adhere for a front page article.
A piece of junk which doesn`t show the ability of writer to submit a centric theme, just pulling together few commotions of an artificial laid background manipulated in the form a dream.
And I tell you Dreams are not that predictable as it appears.

My intutitions are always devoid of naming conventions of the authors where a good entity speaks for itself. Secondly I am never gender conscious so as to separately discourse my ripostes. This act kills the sound way of perception and thrives dual standards.

And mostly I donot interpret any article as a computer code. Computer codes are priliminary objective to give you concrete results but layered up they are controlled by humans to make them viewable to interact in higher genetic way. May be this explains artificial intelligence.

And other point which you have raied that ladies are cruel to each other is again gender specific and it just only reflects your way of mentality.

I need not to give reasons to you but just to straighten out your piled up queries...

Mizz_nadia you are just defending your lonely piece which got published as not. Oh gash where you read me printed, or you are devouring my personal space as YOUR justification. And stop creating cinematography for seeking attraction.
I think you need attention of nice comments.

Re: # 11

Oh and what u wrote makes sense?..Come again...
If u r gonna criticise...can u do it in plain english so that it can be understood....

Peace:)

so many ideas in such a short piece?!!... but we were thrown out, locked out from where all the action and all the juice was... and by whom? me thinks narrator was getting in the way... behind the shades and closed-eyes - and the memories turning into dreams and dreams are creating their very own protagonist unlike a sad depressed protagonist that the narrator is busy creating.. who wins?

why the Time is pacing itself the same in the dream and in Reality? i say, kick out the narrator he probably was broughtup on watching State-TV....and go for the dreams ... coming in the way of what is Real... and take us there... there is a lot of interesting stuff happening there...

cheers.

Nadia:

I usually don’t like tear-jerkers for stories that I read (real life is bad enough) and I recommend grief counseling in sad situations! (As in “…paging Dr. LokRaj! Stop devouring all those mangoes and get your fanny over here at once!”)

But seriously Nadia, this one is a nice and touching story! Losing a beloved (at any time in life but especially at a young age) is devastating. From how you write it, it’s obvious that you have (at least) witnessed such devastation first hand. It shows.

Most of all, I like your genuine writing style! Ignore the hecklers. If they don’t like your stuff, ask them to go write their own!

nadia:

welcome!

miriam:

poignant yes...but...(ah life could be so simple without ifs and buts;))

found this boat floundered on bathos...had it remained in pathos that would have been better...my tuppence

lve

t

Yawn.

I think the editor(s) of leafyglad inn have gone for a long break and these pieces are publishing un-noticed.

Nadia, this was poignant….i think saying anything else would be superfluous.

head or tail is not needed here, the emotion narrated fills the air, its complete.

in other words, i liked it. :)

#2 how true... couldnt have said it better myself...

kaurasach: i think the same can be said for many relationships in life..

there is no head or tail of this story - only torso - ?????