Corporate Environment

#4

Those who don`t write themselves should be the LAST to advise others. It just makes them look SO foolish!

That should be left to the hypocrites - preach to others but never practice oneself!

Before lecturing others on how to write funny, maybe you should try doing so yourself! I recommend writing i-logs (like I do) which require NO editorial review! If you need to learn how to write a pointed and witty i-log (which can still hit people harder than a virtual kick in the tummy (and other vulnerable spots)) you should refer to my i-logs (before I change my mind and delete them)!

khurram:

nice to see you back.

i like the idea behind your writing. satire or lampooning can be a powerful tool. although this read fine on a structural level, i think perhaps more lampooning was in order to drive the point home.

hope to read more from you.

miriam

Khuram, you have tried hard and this reads smoothly. But I will have to agree with Bee Jay. Too many cliches and I think you are being too polite about the subject.

thanks yaar
it`s really nice to get such positive remarks. thanks for your suggestions. i will definitely try to improve my writing skills and will definitely try out some suggestions that you have mentioned

Khurram,

From the ruling elite, you change your focus to the corporate elite. Nice read, but not as fresh as the first time. Here is why.

I think you are overusing this technique of (“ghisaa-pitaa”) terms like Nalaiq, Jaahil, etc. which in reality, distracts from the point that you are trying to make. You may just consider using simple names (don’t use “Beej”, though (there is nothing simple about that)) and put side-by-side with the way you have written NOW and compare. I BET it will read better (and more credible) with simpler names.

You may also wish to temper the irony part of your write-up with more of simple humor. I think you have good potential (Note: I am only a janitorial reader.)