Hole walli Haveli

Interesting, is this fiction?

...he he...pretty good.

Hello Fatima Sahiba
beautifully narrated...loved the simplicity of the language utilized. I won`t ask whether its based on reality or not...but you captured the essence of childish revenge mingled with innocence quite well...write more.

Faiza Hussain

Fatimah:

...this is a repeat digression...mentioned it first on the saman thread...find longer stories straining on the monitor...khair...this yarn was entertaining...

....how did Manju the protagonist end up with Dadi?

...and found some of the dialogues a tad forced

baaqi sub khairiyat hay... ya ....thee...till Manju had to poop the party;)

lve

t

``Manju `` - i thought was a girl name....as is Fatimah....

In the story Manju is a boy........so chances are that it is a nonautobiographical/fiction.

i`ve seen simmilar plots in artsy films where adlterers are discovered in compromising situations.....and Fatimah gave it a twist with dentures.

=== Interact Removed ===

fatimah:

dentures, a dead dadi, a precocious boy, nirvana, and some good old-fashioned adultery. just the pick me up i needed at the end of a long day. thank you fatimah for the inadvertent smiles.

could’ve used some trimming. just gentle pruning here and there. keep writing.

rgds
miriam

Fatimah,

I find this story very sensitively written and touching! The closeness between the Dadi and the young character and the attempt by the young character to hang on to a bit of her Dadi (and associated memories) is heart-breaking, especially the part about carrying the dentures in a cookie jar. The greed and cruelty that extended family members sometimes display towards the vulnerable senior members of the household is legendary, and well-captured. And to top it off, the “little” revenge the 12-year old exacts from the aunt for the hurts her Dadi had received appears like a case of poetic justice!

In the part of India I’m from, that particular building prototype is quite frequent (in fact, the “aangan” being large enough to accommodate a whole Mango tree would not be unusual). Perhaps the reason could have been that it would provide a certain degree of experience of the outdoors (a virtual necessity for such mundane activities like hair-drying) to the ladies without a loss of privacy.

Note:
[How selfish I thought, to leave me here, so I could live my life only to wait for that one moment of truth called death.]
I must say that these are not the type of thoughts I would expect from a “routine” twelve-year old! And like T stated, that part about being left with a dying Dadi all alone appears kind of unrealistic.

Finally from the i-log to the deserved spot on the front page. Loved it.

Hello Fatima ji...one more thing..

so why does the kid call his uncle, mamo, considering that the ``mamo```s mother is the kid`s dadi? shouldnt the mamo`s mother be the kid`s nani...just asking...i thought the story was very beautifully written...had a hard time tyring to sort out the relationship though..or is there some sort of irony hidden in this?
Take care.

Faiza Hussain

#10 Faizahusain

Although I can not speak for Fatimah, and do not know the exact explanation for what you ask her, in many extended families, it is not unusual for senior family members to continue to be addressed (by the next generation) just as they were being addressed by the intermediate generation – i.e., the address becomes a label rather than reflect the actual relationship. Therefore, the grandchildren would address grandparents using the same terms as their own moms/dads did – this can start initially by emulation and then it stays on.

An interesting flip – in many Irish-American families here, we see spouses address each other as “mom/dad” just like their children address them!

hehe...interesting revenge...nicely done!

A good suave read in canvas of urbanity. And more interesting to read as told by Manju :-) and I have seen the picnic spots Paradise Inn and Hawks Bay recently so can rehearse the funny gnomes observed. As I told my mate that I would visit Gadani/HawksBay . She gazed at me and said..``Kali Ho Jayo gi?`` I said..Phir kiya Hua Abhi Konsi..? She said..Phir Bhi.. But the thought of `Fair n Lovely` as pointed by her didn`t came in my mind. May be these are objects of interest of teen inclusives though it is a cosmetically ineffective ointment.

Well the story seems to belonged to a middle classs family with pervertions in relationships because of heritage and its effects on kins specially kids.

Thank you all for the interacts. Perhaps, I can answer questions at a later point. Right now, i feel that it will define the story more or only serve to demystify certain complex cultural nuances.

yes but i bet mumani jan had the last laugh - sicne the house was on her name

This was really quite lovely. Poignant and so well written.

Fatimah..a very good read! very fluid lines

keep writing

good piece of writting
it has flow and elements which can hold on different audinec... but for me very specifically the lines which touched were:

“Death comes,” she said to me. “It comes, like the only moment of truth in your life and you have no way of fighting it, because you know that your time is up. You accept it because you have no choice.”.

a very beautiful acceptance of death, which i think lost somewhere but even these one line is carrying the criude reality which MAY be teh author reflect via crude dynamics of relations; could be very good mataphor;
If i may comment on this story then its about teh acceptance and living with death

only my perception not a judgement

take care all of you

Hilarious :)

Thoroughly enjoyed this simple and mirthful story.

Thanks

Oh God this was hilarious.. haha.. I bet Dadee chuckled from heaven puttin her dentures to good use.

the very first piece i got to read at chowk.... very interesing and well written!

Interesting piece. Sorry, but I couldnt help but notice a few flaws. For example... how are dadi and chotte mamoo related to eachother? Initially it seems it should be chote chacha... and you have bungled on the title to be used for an uncle... Then some explanation comes by way of `chote mamoo moving in after the death of Manju`s father and his elder brother.` Of course dadi is alone so, your mother`s brother, your chote mamoo moves in with her, ostensibly to take care of her. But towards the end, the mumani refers to dadi as chote mamoo`s mother.
Hello Fatimah! Please give the story a stronger premise by redefining the relationships.
Tariq Siddiqi.

P.S. I enjoyed the climax, thoroughly. No puns intended.

So I happened to read the explanations given to the wrong titles used in relationships now(BEEJAY, July 15)... so I am posting a fresh message. I agree such things do happen. Children address their great uncles as `uncles` etc... but unless such things are accompanied by explanations, they reduce the credibility of the story.

climax is outstanding!!!

climax is outstanding!!!

climax is outstanding!!!

It was a nice read, these maumanis should be taught a lesson :P

PS: After reading 75% of the story I came to know that narrator is a boy.