Muslims Not Married in America

chauhan saheb:

This article is teeming with so many inaccuracies, stereotypes and blatant untruths about women that I don’t even know where to begin.

But to answer your question; “I’m just wondering what should we do as a solution instead of cutting each other down?”:

Well, after you’re done excoriating (read: cutting down) women, how about lending a hand to women who are managing a career, home, children, and unhelpful husbands. That may restore the faith of “high maintenance”, “trigger happy” women in desi men.

Sir, ever dared to envision a partnership between a husband and wife? You know, where instead of the wife being an unwavering vassal, the husband is not only cognizant but God forbid supportive of his partner’s needs (both personal and professional). Neither party lives in servitude. Imagine that.

I think if the author were truly serious about engaging readers in “a deeper study of relationship issues” he would not have made such benighted remarks about women, and as _digit says placed a “disproportionate burden of maintaining the family” on them. You have gone out of your way to unabashedly pander to the insecurities of desi men.

Fazeel,
Welcome to chowk!

To create a happy, loving home both men and women have to work ``together``.

You can not put more blame on the woman than the man, it is an equal task or commitment. I agree women are becoming more educated and there is a lot of confusion as to what to expect and not to expect but it is not only on the part of women but men also.
Men are confused too , changing times, values , attitudes, economics make it difficult for both to adjust. A sensible couple is one which understands each other and is ready to respect each other and stick to each other through thick and thin.

I am sorry to say that but you have written an article which is extremely biased towards women. I will tell you this men are not so perfect either, so maybe you need to put on different glasses to look at men.

Divorce is a terrible reality, it simply means two people cannot live together for whatever reasons. You are an educated man and I am sure you know that we cannot blame just one person for it. We have to look at all angles and then determine.

Life happens in varying shades of gray and is not just black and white.

my preferences for a wife are in complete unison with my mother`s preferences for a daughter-in-law -- a modest damsel who believes in playing the predetermined traditional role of a wife in accordance with islam, i.e, stay at home, cook, clean, raise and take care of the kids.

Has the idea of marrying one of these ``enlightened,`` open-minded, career-oriented muslimas ever crossed my mind? Yes. Well, my sister is a glaring example of one. But i have decided not to go down that route. Because i believe that Allah (SWT) has blessed the woman with something extraordinary-the gift of being a mother. I have absolutely nothing against women being on equal footing or more with men on everything, but i firmly believe that women have a far more gruelling and important task at hand, i.e., to raise the kids (sorry to admit boys, but Allah (SWT) trusts women more with this important task). If women are capable of juggling both /(work and family), then my hats off to them. Having observed in reality how haw hard it for the modern woman, I have decided to marry a traditional woman. The point of my earlier post was to draw attention to the fact that, in the process, its people like my sister who suffer. They are constrained by the parameters imposed on them (has to marry a muslim, educated, preferably who can communcate in english), while the guys, like myself, can go home and marry these traditional women who are available in abundance :)
I end with my sister`s qoute: ``no matter what society you live in, men always have it easy, even mummy loves you more than she loves me.``

grunge,

Parents, from what I observe, play a key role in the dissolution of marriages. I hate to say it, but often the culprits are the mothers.

``I am looking for the so-called utopian subservient girl (like my mother), ``

You`re looking or your mom is looking? It`s one thing to know what you yourself want...things get hard when your parents disagree.

Personally, I`m looking for a working professional Muslim. My mother wants someone who`s a bit more `traditional`, whose ancestry is from specific areas of India (my God I never knew she was so bigoted!), certain height, got to have fair skin, and so on. Too much :-)

i hail from a respectable muslim family, and i can tell you firsthand what a double standard our parents play in bringing up desi (especially muslim)* kids in the west. The men are babied by the mothers with the expectation that when they are married, they too can expect similar service from their wives; while the daughters are brought up like any other all-american girl. My father personally encouraged my sister to pursue her dreams and become an engineer, while my mother spoiled me rotten with all her love and care, cleaning up after me. Now, when it`s time for both me and my sister to get married, we are finding it difficult to find the right matches. I am looking for the so-called utopian subservient girl (like my mother), and my sister is looking for the utopian sensitive muslim man who will respect her career and help with the household chores. It`s a snafu.

* i know this happens in all south asian cultures, but i emphasized muslim people, because i think muslims are less likely to marry non-muslims than others. No premediated intention to insult anyone on this forum.

peace

i hail from a respectable muslim family, and i can tell you firsthand what a double standard our parents play in bringing up desi (especially muslim)* kids in the west. The men are babied by the mothers with the expectation that when they are married, they too can expect similar service from their wives; while the daughters are brought up like any other all-american girl. My father personally encouraged my sister to pursue her dreams and become an engineer, while my mother spoiled me rotten with all her love and care, cleaning up after me. Now, when it`s time for both me and my sister to get married, we are finding it difficult to find the right matches. I am looking for the so-called utopian subservient girl (like my mother), and my sister is looking for the utopian sensitive muslim man who will respect her career and help with the household chores. It`s a snafu.

* i know this happens in all south asian cultures, but i emphasized muslim people, because i think muslims are less likely to marry non-muslims than others. No premediated intention to insult anyone on this forum.

peace

Re: # 12
Haha.
Even if I did, I wish you were mature enough to differentiate between Islam and God :P

Mr. Hush in #1, you said: ``Hush re-asserts: ``you guys cannot even shit without bringing islam into it. Damn you!`` ``

Now tell me, don`t you bring God into it yourself? , i.e. ``God! that felt good!`` :)

`` Most people who identify themselves as Muslim are actually Munafiq. ``

Are we going to condemn these poor souls

fazeel:

i have not read you article...justthe heading...Muslims Not Married in America... and am wondering

is there a hidden joke somewhere?

rgds

t

Some of our posters have hard time finding a date so they hang out at Shaadi.com( See posts below)
I mean have they closed nearby bars that you can’t hang out there and pick up a date? For those in DC, try the Georgetown mall. There is a great pick joint right there on the second floor and great margarita on top of that. Then again in Georgetown, there is Safeway, known as “social Safeway” another great pick up place.

Here are some definitions in this article that caught my eyes. I know some Indian would be in knots after reading the definition for Kafir….

“(1) Momin: Those who are the same outside as inside and follow a righteous path in life
(2) Kafir: They are the same inside and out, but don`t believe in living an honorable life, for example, based on the teachings of Islam. Good point is at least you know what you`re getting.
(3) Munafiq: They are different on the inside, from what they appear on the outside. Their major trait is lying. In the psychology of self-deception, they often believe they are good.”

I know Stuka does not believe in living an honorable life :)

stuka,

``Serendipity``...for real? LOL :-)

_Digit:

Abey I sympathize with this dude. I also had my share of tough times on Shaadi.com...The goddamned ABCD women are all looking for ``serendipity``...and the next chick who tells me that I will send her to fricking Sri Lanka..LOL!!

hush,

Ahhh...and you must be the usual suspect.

I agree with ``hush``.I`m in Chennai on an office trip and i meet up with a kashmiri muslim friend living in chennai.Somehow the topic of astrology comes up.My friend gives me a tirade about how palm reading is forbidden in islam and he has consulted astrologers and is apparently quite well versed in it.Yet he quoted some scripture about fate and all that bulshit.I could only take so much of his tirade and asked him why bring Allah and islam into astrology and if he`s into it, just enjoy delving into the science and keep your religion out of it.Luckily we had plenty of booze to go around, so there was no dearth of topics to discuss and thankfully he didn`t go into a tirade about boozing and islam.This happens every time i meet him and the first time i met him was in his brother`s house in Pennsylvania.Interestingly, he is from kashmir, lives down south in Chennai, wouldn`t live anywhere else acc. to him , and is staunchly indian.To our pak friends, not all kashmiris think alike, it seems.There is a big group of kashmiri muslims who consider themselves indian.

Re: # 3
I agree :D

But brother..you shouldn`t make fun of your Brother fazeel. Allahhh will not be happy with you ;)

Jazakallah-khairun (or whatever ..)