Far from the Maddening Crowd

#13 Ozer,

I hope this article was not one of your hoaxes. (Such duplicity is unusual but not unheard of here, especially since you have shown up.) If you did write it then (1) you wasted time of others, but mostly your own, (2) you highlighted the (done-to-death) theme that the web site’s honest attempt to remain an open forum can be misused (repeatedly) by unscrupulous individuals, and (3) you may have created a question mark for any genuine aspiring author in the minds of readers whether to take them seriously and if readers withhold their comments in future, you would have done disservice to the intents that the site may have had in this regard. I see no value in any of that.

Hope you can get your act cleaned up (but beginning to seriously doubt it).

BeeJay.

Tariq Hamid

Just out of a cat`s curiosity have you read Thomas Hardy`s slightly modified title ``Far From The Madding Crowd`` ? I just find it intriguing that you ``Tariq Hamid`` share the same initials as ``Thomas Hardy`` and chose a very similar title ?

Coincidence ? Perhaps not.

Anyways moving swiftly along, your message shares interesting similitudes with the original book. Bathsheba Everdene, the main heroine in Hardy`s epic resembles your central character in that both are ``eccentric``, somewhat unconventional for the times they live in yet straight-forwardly able to tackle head-long jarring emotional setbacks.

Your story depicts what an emotional roller coaster life morphs into under the dictates of urban ``madness`` the ``advertising machinati`` and `` cultural westoxification`` especially in larger cities where seething masses lose respect for human warmth and a sensitivity toward indigenous courtesies/greetings. Your central character, like Kafka`s Gregor Samsa, Camu`s Monsieur Mersault or Voltaire`s Candide is beset by an aching yearning to be desired yet trodges along life with no modicum of inquietude.

What really incites my dopamine is that your main character takes an evocative pathway seldom travelled. Which is that of HONESTY.

Tariq here is just some friendly and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism to fortify you as a writer:

The characters` personalities, numerous coincidences (BAR-BAR) accidental events (SMOKING INCIDENT OR BUS FIGHT) drive the plot all smack of ``soap opera antics.`` The story may have ebbed toward a groundbreaking achievement in its heyday, but today it just feels like a 70`s re-run of the Dukes of Hazard.

Even though you may have been inspired by Thomas Hardy, try not treading an overused theme, because many dramas, whether in novel or film form, recycle this work`s themes and plot devices. Also your plot examples drag on and waver the reader`s attention into wonderland.

Tariq I see in you constellations and asterisms of genius.

But before that some rudimentary reading on astrology is required.

Moral being- improve your grammar and your prose can be relished on its own merits, despite a generally lackluster plot which many budding writers are enticed into.

Nevertheless the morale behind your story is highly enjoyable and I`m still savoring the many brilliant moments of confrontation and cultural ignorance of seemingly ``superior`` cultures depicted in your piece.

Keep on writing.

Good first attempt.

Warm regards.

Ozer

Re: # 11 Miriam:

Thanks for taking time not only to read my article but also to post your comment. Points noted. Let`s see what improvement there is in my next article.

tariq:

this has the potential of being a nice vignette. i think some basic cleaning would’ve gone a long way. beejay offers some sound advice. you have the right attitude about learning from feed back. please keep writing. and don`t be “half-hearted” next time :).

best
miriam

tariq:

this has the potential of being a nice vignette. i think some basic cleaning would’ve gone a long way. beejay offers some sound advice. you have the right attitude about learning from feed back. please keep writing. and don`t be “half-hearted” next time :).

best
miriam

Re: # 8 Thanks a lot Beejay. To be honest, I sent the article half-heartedly straight from a draft that I had saved earlier. Hence typos and all. But will surely keep in mind for the next time.

Tariq:

(I am only a janitor, but that does not stop me from giving my two cents.)

You picked a legitimate theme – that courtesy must be given more and expected less.
However, it does not come through almost till halfway!

Your work can improve if, after you write it, you read through it several more times (hopefully with sufficient time gaps) to address silly mistakes (typos, missing words in sentences, etc.) and also ensure internal consistency. At this point, it also may be better to be bold and try drastic reorganizations to see which one works best for you!

Perhaps the opening line could have been shaped to communicate the theme better! (For example, I would have started out with something familiar like the Rodney Dangerfield`s “I tell you…I get no respect!” in a single line opening, then proceeded with the examples, perhaps in a progressive order of “punch”. The examples appear to be a little too wordy!

The connection of the title to the body appears to be very feeble and febrile.

#3 by kaurasach
[chowk published this `novice` `s feeble attempt at writing - and rejected my masterpiece.........what has this world come to??!!]
Kaura, you may choose to look at the (possible) bright side! “Novices” may need encouragement; but Kaura, the firmly (some might even say too firmly) established in-house talent, is already burning bright as sunlight and needs none – and that’s the “plain truth”! Right?

Re: # 6 Hey I know that and I too was also playing only. It`s true sometimes best of the articles are not selected for some reason or the other. Yet, I must say that the quality here is still a lot better than on other sites.....

horizon,

nothing personal. i am not an excellent writer either........i am just dismayed at the lack of quality on FP.....sorry for the frank and upfront remark - aadat say majboor.

good luck.practice and ll bcm good.

Re: # 3 Thanks for the encouragement :)

Re: # 3 Thanks for the encouragement :)

chowk published this `novice` `s feeble attempt at writing - and rejected my masterpiece.........what has this world come to??!!

Re: # 1 Oh..this happened only last week.

hmmm...interesting. Which century or year are you talking about ?