Far from the Maddening Crowd

hmmm...interesting. Which century or year are you talking about ?

Re: # 1 Oh..this happened only last week.

chowk published this `novice` `s feeble attempt at writing - and rejected my masterpiece.........what has this world come to??!!

Re: # 3 Thanks for the encouragement :)

Re: # 3 Thanks for the encouragement :)

horizon,

nothing personal. i am not an excellent writer either........i am just dismayed at the lack of quality on FP.....sorry for the frank and upfront remark - aadat say majboor.

good luck.practice and ll bcm good.

Re: # 6 Hey I know that and I too was also playing only. It`s true sometimes best of the articles are not selected for some reason or the other. Yet, I must say that the quality here is still a lot better than on other sites.....

Tariq:

(I am only a janitor, but that does not stop me from giving my two cents.)

You picked a legitimate theme – that courtesy must be given more and expected less.
However, it does not come through almost till halfway!

Your work can improve if, after you write it, you read through it several more times (hopefully with sufficient time gaps) to address silly mistakes (typos, missing words in sentences, etc.) and also ensure internal consistency. At this point, it also may be better to be bold and try drastic reorganizations to see which one works best for you!

Perhaps the opening line could have been shaped to communicate the theme better! (For example, I would have started out with something familiar like the Rodney Dangerfield`s “I tell you…I get no respect!” in a single line opening, then proceeded with the examples, perhaps in a progressive order of “punch”. The examples appear to be a little too wordy!

The connection of the title to the body appears to be very feeble and febrile.

#3 by kaurasach
[chowk published this `novice` `s feeble attempt at writing - and rejected my masterpiece.........what has this world come to??!!]
Kaura, you may choose to look at the (possible) bright side! “Novices” may need encouragement; but Kaura, the firmly (some might even say too firmly) established in-house talent, is already burning bright as sunlight and needs none – and that’s the “plain truth”! Right?

Re: # 8 Thanks a lot Beejay. To be honest, I sent the article half-heartedly straight from a draft that I had saved earlier. Hence typos and all. But will surely keep in mind for the next time.

tariq:

this has the potential of being a nice vignette. i think some basic cleaning would’ve gone a long way. beejay offers some sound advice. you have the right attitude about learning from feed back. please keep writing. and don`t be “half-hearted” next time :).

best
miriam

tariq:

this has the potential of being a nice vignette. i think some basic cleaning would’ve gone a long way. beejay offers some sound advice. you have the right attitude about learning from feed back. please keep writing. and don`t be “half-hearted” next time :).

best
miriam

Re: # 11 Miriam:

Thanks for taking time not only to read my article but also to post your comment. Points noted. Let`s see what improvement there is in my next article.

Tariq Hamid

Just out of a cat`s curiosity have you read Thomas Hardy`s slightly modified title ``Far From The Madding Crowd`` ? I just find it intriguing that you ``Tariq Hamid`` share the same initials as ``Thomas Hardy`` and chose a very similar title ?

Coincidence ? Perhaps not.

Anyways moving swiftly along, your message shares interesting similitudes with the original book. Bathsheba Everdene, the main heroine in Hardy`s epic resembles your central character in that both are ``eccentric``, somewhat unconventional for the times they live in yet straight-forwardly able to tackle head-long jarring emotional setbacks.

Your story depicts what an emotional roller coaster life morphs into under the dictates of urban ``madness`` the ``advertising machinati`` and `` cultural westoxification`` especially in larger cities where seething masses lose respect for human warmth and a sensitivity toward indigenous courtesies/greetings. Your central character, like Kafka`s Gregor Samsa, Camu`s Monsieur Mersault or Voltaire`s Candide is beset by an aching yearning to be desired yet trodges along life with no modicum of inquietude.

What really incites my dopamine is that your main character takes an evocative pathway seldom travelled. Which is that of HONESTY.

Tariq here is just some friendly and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism to fortify you as a writer:

The characters` personalities, numerous coincidences (BAR-BAR) accidental events (SMOKING INCIDENT OR BUS FIGHT) drive the plot all smack of ``soap opera antics.`` The story may have ebbed toward a groundbreaking achievement in its heyday, but today it just feels like a 70`s re-run of the Dukes of Hazard.

Even though you may have been inspired by Thomas Hardy, try not treading an overused theme, because many dramas, whether in novel or film form, recycle this work`s themes and plot devices. Also your plot examples drag on and waver the reader`s attention into wonderland.

Tariq I see in you constellations and asterisms of genius.

But before that some rudimentary reading on astrology is required.

Moral being- improve your grammar and your prose can be relished on its own merits, despite a generally lackluster plot which many budding writers are enticed into.

Nevertheless the morale behind your story is highly enjoyable and I`m still savoring the many brilliant moments of confrontation and cultural ignorance of seemingly ``superior`` cultures depicted in your piece.

Keep on writing.

Good first attempt.

Warm regards.

Ozer

#13 Ozer,

I hope this article was not one of your hoaxes. (Such duplicity is unusual but not unheard of here, especially since you have shown up.) If you did write it then (1) you wasted time of others, but mostly your own, (2) you highlighted the (done-to-death) theme that the web site’s honest attempt to remain an open forum can be misused (repeatedly) by unscrupulous individuals, and (3) you may have created a question mark for any genuine aspiring author in the minds of readers whether to take them seriously and if readers withhold their comments in future, you would have done disservice to the intents that the site may have had in this regard. I see no value in any of that.

Hope you can get your act cleaned up (but beginning to seriously doubt it).

BeeJay.

Tariq,

This was hilarious.

I hope you are doing fine after your rough experience in the bus.

Re: # 13 Ozer, thanks for the detailed comment. Just to let you know that though ``Far from the madding crowd`` by thomas Hardy is a very well known book and I have definitely heard a lot about it but call it a con-incidence or whatever, but the fact is that somehow I have missed on reading that book.

Re: # 15Zahra, thanks for your comment. Well, I am doing slightly better. Cannot wait to have the bandages removed so that I can try and expererience another adventure :)

Tariq:

a belated welcome...and please continue sharing your eclectic observations:)

but a caveat...as others have already pointed out earlier....and i would add my name to the list...please have respect for the reader`s bill of rights...thou shall respect the reader

in brief, revise, revise and revise before submitting a creative piece for public consumption

rgds

t

Re: # 18Once again...it was my first time especially on Chowk. Had no idea about the norms in the sense that I did not even know whether they are going to edit my story or write back or reject or publish. One thing is for sure, I never meant to disrespect the reader`s bills of rights. Personally what I feel is that ``Chowk`` should be as choosy about the articles as the readers. Once again, I do not mean to shift the blame on Chowk...but what has happened has happened.

Re: # 19

Dear Horizon,

You are being too humble. No need to do that on Chowk. In case of rules and regulations, you need to consult mohtaram qibla temporal. He will come out with some lyrical ballads in no time. In fact, qibla loves to greet the new comers with his kind style. This has been dastoor`ae chowk for quite sometime.

Enjoy.

I do not think you`ve received the warm welcome yet. Sit tight and wait.

:)

Re: # 13

ozer-bhaijan,

your `review` is way funnier than the piece itself. if it was written in earnest, then the luaghter shifts from with you to at you, but funny nevertheless.

:))))

Quite an old theme, yet amusing. Good work, keep writing.

this was lovely :))....thanks for the laughs TH way to go!

Re: # 20Zahra Jee...thanks a ton for taking some time out to read my article & for posting your comment. I took your advice and am ready for the ``warm wlecome`` :) BTW I have prepared myself with much more tennacity this time....

Re: # 21Burpinder,

What can I say after your comments addressed to Ozer bhaijan?

Re: # 22Shobig

Thanks for the support.

Re: # 23Winterpk

Glad it made you laugh.

Re: # 24

Horizon,

Iss Main Itnaa Shukriya Adaa Kurnae Kee Kya Zaroorut Hae ? In a way, your memoir was supposed to be an eye opener for many of us. We do encounter hilarious and not so hilarious situations on a daily basis. You have put a sweet spin to the otherwise mundane things in life. I think something that I learned or I should say paid attention to after reading this hilarious piece was to enjoy the not-so-important things in the daily routine.

By the way, my remarks on the ``warm welcome`` by temporal were meant to be taken seriously :) You just have to wait for the right moment and you will be amazed. I won`t be hesitant to say that I have never liked that lovey-dovey approach, but each person is different whether I like it or not. I was just sharing my two cents on the prevalent ``dastoor`` on Chowk :) Nothing else.

Best Wishes.

It must be so hard going through life surrounded by yahoos with no manners. It must have been terrible putting up with that incompetent employee in the barbar shop who thought she was working in two bars at the same time!!

;-)

You have a great sense of humor. enjoyed reading your article.

great article..keep it up...!