The Weight of Water

A cry against stereotying of gender roles that stress appropriate behaviour for women as being subdued and `controlled` creatures; a quest for truth, and the realisation that some secrets might never give; the transformation from a lost, submissive soul to an assertive one...all done with an expertise and ease of a true professional!

What an amazing read!

Hi Jawahara

Enjoyed the article, very inspiring...the ending that atleast i was expecting , although was not different, but a bit extended, Maybe you should write a sequel, What happens when she meets her mother. (Not trying to dictate what a writer should/shouldn`t write), but a bit curious about Zara, meeting her mother who suffered also.

Romair, I have written for Siliconindia in the past. Not recently though. And no, I am not employed by them. All my writing is freelance. I have a day job but any of my writing out there in the world is not connected to my job.

Thanks for the critique, Kaurasach.

A clarification.....with better plot I meant `the ending` or the last part of the story.......the rest is good.

Jawahara: Do you write for SiliconIndia? Are you a freelance or permanently employed?

#26 Soulat

Why does it suddenly feel so WARM in here?! I can’t even think – I am so busy tossing, turning, and trying to sit up in my pyre – or, as someone on this site would say – ye shara-raat, uff, uie, maa! However, I must give credit where it’s due and accordingly, I admit that one of your wisecracks gave me an idea, too! Therefore, here goes:

---

I paused. Wholly‚ solemnly afraid that a rustling leaf would be enough to stir the butterfly vision off the daisy’s petal‚ make her flitter away in jagged anxious flight‚ forever disturbed from the serene moment she clearly enjoyed in the billowing shade‚ her smile lost in tranquil thought. I drank a long draught of her loveliness‚ for she hadn’t seem to notice me and I watched in quiet revelry‚ and my heart began to throb, fire stole over my chest as she slowly drew her white linen skirt up her white creamy thighs. I thought‚ “surely she sees me‚” but I wasn’t going to do anything at once‚ not while standing quiet seemed enough to leave things as they were. Instead‚ I fought to control in me the nervous excited trembling that took me as I began to imagine and then barely see the just–a–bit–higher–please charms I never expected to witness‚ even as the hem of her skirt drifted completely away to roll in a bunch at her belly. I held my breath in awe. Zara shone sumptuously‚ beautiful and young‚ glowing in innocence like the first hint of dew on a spring tulip’s blossom.

She saw me and motioned me to come closer. Her face glowed with anticipation as I moved closer to her. She pulled me even closer with a firm eagerness and whispered in a husky voice “I want you now”.

In one fluid movement we slid away. I had never seen that face so close before. It was the most beautiful sight in the world! The daylight receded and gave way to a soft moonlight and multi-colored stars in all their glory appeared out of nowhere and sent the most beautiful ambience all around. Celestial music suddenly appeared out of nowhere and carried me over its waves – as if a mother gently rocking its baby to sleep! And as I watched that face continue to look at me in awed fascination, there was little I could do as it appeared to display first a slight sense of uncertainty, then hesitancy, and finally – became a mask of sheer, sheer horror!

As if she were in a trance, Zara said – “what happened to you, dad? Why do you look so gray-green? And why is your skin so cold? That condensation from the hot morning Delhi air beads on your skin like sweat!! I wish I had a handkerchief or a tissue so I could mop away the liquid running into the hollows of your eyes!”

And in a spirit of utter dejection and at the overpoweringly humiliating sense of having lost it all, all I could stammer was – “Darn, Beej. Couldn’t you stick to one of your OWN characters?!”

#22 Beej,
You will toss, turn, and try to sit up in your pyre. You would attempt to come back to life from the death as heat is worst than the death.
All I have for you is heat so much of it that you would not know how hot is too hot...


My blades dug into the ice‚ and I quickly accelerated. My mind was focused‚ there was only the goaltender‚ nothing else. As I crossed the blue line options began to rapidly filter through my conscious. Should I shoot the top shelf‚ or five holes? ‚ Wrist shot or a slapper? Right slide or the left?`` I made my decision‚ and brought my stick all the way back preparing to unleash hellfire on the vulnerable goalie‚ but at the last moment a flash of gold caught my eye. I turned my head to the right and I caught a glimpse of a woman standing on the other side of the Plexiglas‚ she looked familiar but I couldn’t quite remember why.

My lapse in concentration ended up being my downfall‚ when I turned back to the goaltender‚ I made the unfortunate discovery that moving down the ice at full speed allows little margin for error. There was no way I could stop now. The goaltender was also aware of this and he raised his arms to try to absorb the blow‚ but it was an exercise in futility. My momentum carried me‚ the goaltender and the net straight into the boards. We both lay there dazed for a moment. I did a mental system check: Am I Ok? I think so‚ my name is Sol ‚ today is July the 00th and I’m at the Arena playing my intramural hockey game for my team the Vipers. I feel no pain‚ and I can see clearly and now there are five opposing players skating towards me. Why are they on the ice? Why are they coming over here? Must be checking to see if the goalie is all right…yeah that must be it…that was quite a collision. Just then panic gripped me as a large center grabbed me by my jersey and hauled me too my feet. ``So you get your kicks by hitting the goalie eh?`` He grinned fiendishly ``Well I get my kicks by doing this`` His large gloved hand swung down on me like a hammer‚ and everything went dark. * * *

I awoke in a small clean white room‚ it took my only a moment to realize I was in a hospital…I guess the I.V. in my arm was the give away. I looked around and saw my friend BJ sitting in a chair next to me reading a Sports Illustrated. ``BJ‚ what the hell happened?`` BJ promptly dropped his magazine and turned to me. ``Holy Cow Sol‚ you had us scared to death. `` What do you mean…what happened.`` ``Well to be frank the other team kicked the hell out of you for slamming their goalie‚ knocked you out cold.`` He smiled slyly.``

``But you should have seen what we did to them.`` I chuckled softly. ``Yeah I don’t doubt it.`` ``Well‚ anyways the game was called off because every player was ejected‚ and they had to call an ambulance for your ass‚ but I tell you man that was the most fun any of us have ever had.`` BJ started to laugh ``Hell‚ you should make a habit of talking out the goalie!`` Just then a man in a white coat walked in‚ he was obviously a doctor. ``Sol‚ good to see you conscious again, how are you feeling?`` ``Well doc‚ not too bad actually‚ still a little hazy.`` ``That’s to be expected you took quite a blow to the head as I understand`` ``Yeah you could say that`` ``Well‚ now that you’re awake I have good news for you‚ your CAT scan looks normal and it looks as if you are going to be just fine.`` Warm relief washed over me‚ even though I had only been awake for a just a few minutes I was happy to be told that there was no serious damage done.

``So doc, can I get out of here yet?`` ``Well Sol‚ I would like to keep you here for the night for observation‚ it’s just a precaution‚ but any time you deal with a head trauma‚ it is better to be safe than sorry. ``But doc‚ I got work tomorrow…`` Just then BJ butted in. ``Do what he says Sol‚ I’ll call your boss and tell him the entire story.`` He gave me the old ``you do this or I’ll kick your ass`` look. ``Ok‚ ok I’ll stay…whatever just don’t knock me back unconscious BJ.`` I smiled at him. BJ smiled back and then took a quick at his watch. ``Damn‚ I didn’t realize it was so late.`` He turned to the doctor ``Is he going to be ok doc.`` ``Yes he’s going to be fine.`` ``Ok‚ good…hey listen Sol…`` ``Go home BJ I’ll be fine.`` ``Ok man‚ I’ll ditch work early to pick you up tomorrow.`` I glared at him ``Bullshit‚ I’ll catch a cab‚ the last thing you need to do is to is get on your boss’s bad side‚ especially with your promotion and all. ``Ok man‚ give me a call tomorrow ok?`` ``Ok‚ now get home.``

BJ strolled out the room leaving me and the doctor alone. ``If you need any thing Sol‚ just use the nurses call button‚ and they’ll be here to take care of you ok? ``Ok‚ thanks doc.`` I held out my hand‚ he pumped it reassuringly and smiled. ``Between you and me I’ve always wanted to clock the goalie too`` We both laughed for a moment‚ and then the doctor gave a brief wave and walked out the door. I lay in my bed thinking about how I wished every day was as exciting as today.

Then I heard a knock on the side of the door. ``Come in`` Through the door walked the same girl I had seen earlier that day…right before I slammed into the goalie.
``You took quite a spill in the rink today there‚ and I just had to see if you were ok?`` I smiled. ``I have to admit that I partially blame you for the incident‚ you broke my concentration.`` She smartly retorted ``Hey it’s not my fault that you blew a breakaway‚ you know there wasn’t a skater within 10 feet of you.`` ``Yeah I guess you’re right‚ can’t blame anybody but myself Ms…`` ``Zara`` she finished my sentence. “You are a beautiful woman.`` I said. Zara winked at me‚ ``Well you’re not that bad looking yourself.`` My heart skipped a beat‚ Zara just complimented me on my looks…the day was becoming more and more interesting. ``Listen Zara‚ let me tell you another thing.`` A strong bravado took hold of me and I stared deep into her eyes. ``I think I have never met someone as beautiful as you are.`` Zara bent down and whispered in my ear ``I think that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard from a man.`` Suddenly she pressed her lips to mine and began to kiss me. I was startled at first‚ but not for long‚ and I responded by placing my arms around her and pulling her body close to mine. I became a little tense too. Zara noticed this and she began to slowly move her hands in my chest‚ and I began to tense up in unbearable anticipation… ``Uhum!``
I looked over to the doorway‚ a nurse was standing there with her hands on her hips. ``I’m sorry but visiting hours are over‚ you have to leave miss`` Zara looked a little startled‚ and she quickly jumped to her feet. She gave me a quick glance then quickly dashed out of the room. I just laid there‚ dazed. The nurse smiled and left the room‚ to this day I think she took great pleasure in ruining what would have been the best moment in my life.
* * *
I got a cab right back to the arena the next day to get my car. I walked over to where my car was parked and I noticed a large yellow slip of paper under the windshield wiper. I sighed‚ I knew what it was‚ it was a parking ticket‚ my car was in a ``weekend parking only`` spot‚ and today was Monday. I cursed grabbed the ticket and threw it down in disgust ``Just great‚ what else can go wrong now?`` I said to nobody in particular. I looked at the ticket on the ground‚ and noticed that there was some writing on the back‚ probably telling me how much I owed. I picked the ticket up to see what the damage was and started to read:
Dear Sol
I’m sorry about your luck‚ there is nothing I can do about the ticket‚ but maybe I can put you in a better mood. If I remember correctly we have some unfinished business to take care of. I think lover’s park is a little more private than the hospital‚ and I can guarantee no interruptions. Give me a call soon! 555–4562.
Zara
***
She lay in the shade of a blossoming dogwood and I stopped at once when I saw her. I breathed cautiously‚ reticent‚ wary of even a gentle slight motion‚ transfixed by the netted glimmer of beauty still in this crystalline moment‚ caught by the wonder of a sunlit surprise. I paused. Wholly‚ solemnly afraid that a rustling leaf would be enough to stir the butterfly vision off the daisy’s petal‚ make her flitter away in jagged anxious flight‚ forever disturbed from the serene moment she clearly enjoyed in the billowing shade‚ her smile lost in tranquil thought. I drank a long draught of her loveliness‚ for she hadn’t seem to notice me and I watched in quiet revelry‚ and my heart began to throb, fire stole over my chest as she slowly drew her white linen skirt up her white creamy thighs. I thought‚ ``surely she sees me‚`` but I wasn’t going to do anything at once‚ not while standing quiet seemed enough to leave things as they were. Instead‚ I fought to control in me the nervous excited trembling that took me as I began to imagine and then barely see the just–a–bit–higher–please charms I never expected to witness‚ even as the hem of her skirt drifted completely away to roll in a bunch at her belly. I held my breath in awe.
Zara shone sumptuously‚ beautiful and young‚ glowing in innocence like the first hint of dew on a spring tulip’s blossom.

She saw me and motioned me to come closer. Her face glowed with anticipation as I moved closer to her. She pulled me even closer with a firm eagerness and whispered in a husky voice ``I want you now” In one fluid movement we slid away…

BeeJay #1
BeeJay, yes that was the original title. In fact (and this is unusual for me) the title came into my mind and then fragments of the story. Usually I struggle over titles and then just give up and do a half a s sed job. I liked your poem and your story. Wah, wah! :-)
Soulat and you have a good thing going with this other Zara story. I am enjoying it.

Faizahussain: well, technically I guess my name was derived from Jawahar or Jawaharat(which has Persian/Arabic roots). But really *cringes* I was named after Mr. Nehru who was a friend of my grandfather who died (my grandfather that is) died around the time I was born. Not the greatest alignment of the stars I guess. Paida hotey hi kha gayee apney nana ko. Luckily no one held that against me. Phew!

Amrita, I could say the same about you. I really like your stuff.

Thanks for your lovely comments everyone.

Take care.

Jawahara:

Your stories strike a chord. Thank you again for a lovely read.

Women are like water. Sometimes gentle and patient, at other times angry and powerful, destructive when needed. Gentle rain or fierce tidal waves of strength.

I thought this was splendid.

Re: # 20
``so much unsaid but yet what is said leaves the reader speechless``
I am sure there is a poetic expression(probably quite a few) for these lines in Urdu. May be someone on Chowk could put them on-line?

#19 Soulat:

Good one! That was hilarious! Here is one back to you (no bean-dipping, this time!)

---

It was 11:30 p.m. My shift had another 30 minutes to go. I took a sip of the hot coffee and was about to take a bite from the coconut-frosted cream-filled donut when I paused suddenly and put it down. As the shadowy figure slowly emerged outside the large building, I watched him keenly. You see, I have an eye for seedy characters. And I take my job very seriously. My name is Clueso.

First, it was extremely suspicious – the way he walked. Even as he moved toward the solitary car parked hap-hazard in the fire lane, he kept looking back at the structure. As his rear bumped into its side mirror, he yelped a loud “Ouch!” Without paying any attention to what he was doing, he reached up and wiped the fog from the inside of the windshield, with his bare hands. In my books, that is a strict NO-NO, because it gets the skin’s fatty acids all over the glass – leaving smudges when dry and making driving hazardous, especially in this weather! The lights from the building reflected from his face and he looked sick. He got in, put the car in gear and pulled out of his illegal parking spot. He stuck his neck out momentarily – to throw up, I assumed, but he merely blew a kiss towards the lights as he continued to drive.

I turned on the red light and my flashers. He stopped abruptly, in the middle of the road.

“Sir, please remain seated in your car!” I said as I pointed the powerful beam of light on the driver’s side and approached him. I did not reach for my gun like I normally would – this emergency did not rise to that level. The guy was obviously no threat – except perhaps to himself.

“Sir, your license and registration, please!”
He felt inside a rear pocket. He still looked pretty dazed, “Must have fallen out when the Security Guard shook me up.” He shuddered.
“Sir, are you cold?”
“No, I don’t feel any cold! If anything, I feel warmer.”
“Sir, did you have any drinks today?”
“Not the kind YOU will understand.”
“Sir, what are you doing here?”
“I was just watching her practice in the ice rink!”
“Sir, are you aware that this is a warehouse?”
“But…but, the security guard? That guard who looked so – so janitorial!”
“Sir, this place is closed and locked up. There is nobody around here, only me! Do I look like a janitor to you?”
He blinked – “You mean – I am not where I thought I was.”

I held the flashlight close to his face. I closely watched the movement of his pupils. A real classic case! In my time, I have seen many – too many to count! I suddenly felt a surge of kindness. The place does have a reputation for being haunted! I personally never bought any of that stuff myself, but who am I to quarrel with evidence! Even evidence which looks like a goat – a very SCARED little goat!

I quickly scribbled on the pad and tore him a sheet.
“This is a warning ticket for driving erratically. Next time, you may get a real ticket.”
His eyes filled up with gratitude and admiration – “You mean you will let me off the hook, just like that! After ALL I did!”
“Sir, you will be surprised at how much I DO understand.”

As he retreated and got back into his car, thanking me profusely, and drove away, I walked back to my squad car. The coffee was a little colder, but the donut still smelled fresh. That’s the lot of us detectives – lukewarm coffee and uneaten donuts! I started typing my report.

It was 11:40 p.m. Another 20 minutes to go. A detective’s work is never done!

Jawahara - you`re one of those rare folks who make me want to write every time i read you. Thanks.

Hello Jawahara Sahiba

Loved the story...I had a very uncomfy feeling while reading about Zara`s confusion in referring to her father as just a mass/``body``...death kills the bonds that create us in the first place...
Her anxiety over her lost father was captured very well...Although this may just be fiction, it is sad when I hear of the things ppl do to reach greener pastures...and is there really such a thing as greener pastures? We always find ourselves mourning over the loss of that which we leave behind; if we had not mastered the art of being in denial, we would go insane...

Your short stories leave so much unsaid but yet what is said leaves the reader speechless. Do you know the meaning of your name? Just wondering, becoz I would like to know..is it derived from jawahiraat?

#12 BJ
Beej…

You are a bean dipper! Wouldn’t know how the real meat looks like… here is some for you... may be a little tough on your teeth.


The weather outside the training center was almost arctic and punctuated by piercing gusts of wind. It had been a frigid walk from the parking lot to the doors of the skating rink‚ but the wait was over‚ I was finally going to see her in person. I quietly slipped inside and threaded through the maze of seats. I settled into one‚ about 10 rows above the ice and waited for her to appear from the dark tunnels.

I could feel the cold air blow off the rink but strangely didn’t feel chilled. If anything‚ I felt warmer. I settled into my chair and looked around the cavernous room. I heard a noise and watched intently as the small door opened and the shadowy figure stepped onto the ice. I heard the music begin and closed my eyes‚ listening to the sounds of her skates as they sliced across the ice. I knew it was her‚ I could just feel it. The swish of the skates got louder and I slowly opened my eyes and allowed them to re–focus. It WAS her.

My heart was beating so loudly‚ I thought for sure that I would drown out the music that filled air. I didn’t care though‚ I had what I wanted‚ I had what I came for‚ just a chance to see her in person was worth any price or embarrassment. I had hoped that her hair would be down‚ framing her face‚ but she had it tied up tightly in a little ponytail. A small concession to make‚ as she was wearing my favorite outfit‚ her blue sequins shimmered like jewels as the reflected the light dancing off the ice. She glided around the ice effortlessly and began to sway in time with the music.

I smiled as she took her first leap. Perfect. She nailed the landing and broke into a grin. Her eyes sparkled as she flew by me on her way to the next jump. She sailed high into the air‚ twisting and turning before lightly returning to the ice. Another perfect landing and an even bigger grin, I was so enrapt that I never heard the footsteps behind me. A voice boomed from the shadows‚ ``Who are you?`` I spun around in my seat and saw the security guard glaring at me.

``I….uhhhh…I’m just watching her practice.``‚ I answered. ``I’m a fan and just wanted to see her skate.`` The guard looked at me stoically‚ not an ounce of compassion visible on his face. ``No one is allowed in here during practice. “ You’ll have to leave.`` He said in a monotone that let me know there was no argument. I sighed and rose from my seat. I glanced back out to the ice and stole one last look at her. I silently thanked her for my personal performance and turned back to the guard. ``I’m sorry. I meant no harm. I just wanted to see her in person once in my life.`` I said as pitifully as I could. The guard raised his arm and pointed to the door I had previously entered. ``You know the way out.`` he said in that same cold voice.

I walked down the aisle and pushed the glass doors open. The icy wind snapped me back to reality and I drew my coat tighter and sprinted to my car. I slammed the car door shut and put the key in the ignition. I turned the key and started the engine. Warm air rushed from the vents and slowly took the cold chill out of the air.

I reached up and wiped the fog from the inside of the windshield. The lights from the building glowed eerily through the glass‚ I put the car in gear and pulled out of the parking lot. I blew a kiss towards the lights and drove off into the night.

Dear Jawahara:

Tempo-bhai inspired me to come up with my own (janitor-level) poem. (Hey, it works for me!)

Aqua

“Bare bone of facts
Please ma’m – just facts
Your mother was not
The woman you thought
Nor father the man
You thought you had”

Strong genes, your genes
And now, that means
Instinct was right
Those words were words
All words – just words
Torn ties – bare lies
Was love of life?
Or lies of love?

While dead I am
I rule thus thee
I will dictate
Your long, lost fate
Have guts I not
You deal my lot
My stiff take home
Eat pain, thy wage
On top of rage

That skin gray-green
That shrunken man
His lies and life
Brought home to face
To face his fate
Just trifle late!

And one of me
Though take away
I give you two
To split the hurt
Till ashes are all
And all are dirt

And though I die
With work undone
I leave for you
The curse of man
The curse that’s man

Kiss me forever
Kiss wet forehead
Aqua you are
Aqua shall stay
And home you are
Were never away!
Was lost the body
On way, just now
Was lost the soul
Long while ago!

I just have one thing to say...

RESPECT, Jawahara.

Your stories are soul stirring ...