The Buddha is Smiling

beady:

shall i say welcome back?

our wives are very smart ( and yes i do have her permission to say so)

– your prophet of enlightenment. He abandoned his wife and young child while he went off to attain enlightenment. Same with Laxman, who went off for fourteen years with Ram and Sita, leaving his wife Urmila behind? Who has thought about Richard Lion Heart’s wife who frantically spent time and energy trying to raise the ransom money for him in return for rumoured non-consummation of marriage, boorish behaviour and a very difficult life

now, if only there were a few more women heads of state the world might be a better place...and this despite our desiland`s recent flirtations with them!

rgds

t

``......there were a few more women heads of state the world might be a better place....``

kanjri Indira did more damage than all the politicians of India combined

Interesting article. Something becomes clear to me when looking at great figures of history and myth, especially the role based people (prophets, founders of religions, best brothers, etc. etc).

By channeling all your energy, thoughts, feelings, actions to be one great thing, it is human nature to let others slide. So while Buddha became who he was the only way to do it was to be a terrible husband and father. And while Lakshman became this great brother he had to do it while being a bad husband.

What is the solution then? Balance? But I am not sure how well that works in practice.

As far as suicide bombers go, I think they actually in some perverse way believe that what they are doing is in some way going to be good for their children as well. How do we deal with that?

Besides for them religion and saving it does become of paramount importance and the only way they can do that is to become (according to us) bad husbands and fathers.

Thanks for article Bhaskar.

What you call `abandoning`, others call `sacrifice`.

a related comment

my post on Doomed If They Do, Doomed If They Dont by Udayakumar
Udayakumar:

when push comes to shove

the leading world...powero uno and her allies have the weapons of mass destruction and the economic muscle, influence and deliver systems

the near-vanquished who do not yet have ``the weapons of mass destruction nor the economic muscle, influence and deliver systems`` have an inordinate amount of an intangible supreme faith in their cause*

result: inconvenience and sufferings for the civilians in and out of battle zones and `occupied` territories!

the seemingly unstoppable suicide bombers are a disenfranchised people`s weapon of mass destruction in this uni-polar world replacing the surface check and balance of the cold war

when the policy makers in the powerful world capitals recognise and act on this then only will a semblance of peace will rule the world again...only then will the enemy become visible...visibility is important for checks and balances, for quid pro quos, for talks and negotiations and discussions...otherwise it is dark ages for us

the west cannot bomb them all into submission
they cannot bring the west down on it knees
stalemate and mayhem will rule
and the innocent civilians everywhere will suffer the consequences

rgds

t

*i vehemently disagree with their cause and misplaced belief system

Jawahara #3: ``What is the solution then? Balance? But I am not sure how well that works in practice.``

I remember a teacher telling me that there was a study done of very successful CEOs, who had climbed the corporate ladder at a young age, to see what common trends they showed. She pointed out that two trends popped up:

- They were workoholics
- They weren`t too concerned about their family life

One probably has to give up some portion of one`s family life. But, I don`t think the results have to be catostrophic........

nice perspective. i bed to differ on one aspect, however. all muslims do not respect suicide bombers as hindus respect laxman and buddhists respect buddha. in fact, suicide bombing is considered to be ``self-inflicted death`` by most, which according to islam is an unforgivable sin.

nice perspective. i beg to differ on one aspect, however. all muslims do not respect suicide bombers as hindus respect laxman and buddhists respect buddha. in fact, suicide bombing is considered to be ``self-inflicted death`` by most, which according to islam is an unforgivable sin.

Bhaskar,

In the fabled Ramayana myth it is said that Lakshman put Urmila to sleep before leaving for the woods. And her deep slumber lasted for 14 years till her husband came back to her. She didnt feel a thing.

But in modern Ramayana played out in countless Hindu homes across India, Urmila is the cunning younger bahu who avoids serving her in-laws and feigns sleep or sirdard the moment her Lakshman steps out. :)

Dear All

thank you for your nice comments.

T #1, thank you for the welcome back :). i agree with the high smartness coefficient of our wives. As for the women leaders, hmmm, with the potential exception of Aun Sung Chi of Burma, all other women head of executive were more ``men`` than men :). Start from Maggie to Yulia to Angela to Edith to Indira to Srimao to Corazine to Benazir, all were pretty tough.

Jawahara #3: You raised a good point. I have to admit I do not have an answer to your balance question. As you said, all great men WERE great because of their inhuman dedication to one cause, and in many times - to the detriment of their other pieces of their lives. Balance is for lesser mortals I guess.

Second, suicide bombers and their thoughts about their children. Yes, you are right, they think their children will be proud of them being ``martyrs``, but that`s only if they are bought up in a society which does glorify them as martyrs, If they grow up in a place like the UK, where they are looked upon as murderers, plain and simple, then they are stuffed.

T #5: I am not very sure that suicide bombers are a disenfranchised people`s weapon of mass destruction. The UK state has enfranchised the british muslims and there is a political process to address issues, witness the latest election. But they totally reject the entire liberal democracy political edifice and see the alternate as the Khilafat etc. etc. Very difficult to compromise with them, mate.

Tumor #8, I agree with you that most disagree and disrespect suicide bombing.

One can reasonably have one`s cake and eat it.

If only women weren`t so possessive!!.Indian women atleast.It IS all about balance.I go OFF on my own or with my buddies ever so often.At the same time i do discharge my responsibilities.I take a time out with my family`s blessings.Buddha et al were/are not failures.They just opt/ed out.That`s why we in India must stop forcing people into marriage.Arrange, haggle over dowry et alia but only after both parties wholeheartedly agree to enter into the mostly business and sometimes sexual ,social contract called mariage.

Nice article. Thought provoking. Debatable.

Put yourself in these people`s shoes. Take Laxman, for example. Laxman`s decision to accompany his brother seems wrong only when seen from Urmila`s point of view. Why? Because she is going to remain alone, while he is away.
And what if Laxman doesnt accompany Ram? His brother and the wife are going to stay alone in the jungle. They may perish there. Or get killed by animals, or demons (?!)

Weigh the two costs...
Wife remaining alone. Brother/bhabhi getting killed. Which seems the affordable one?

Take Siddhartha for example. He has a wife and a son, who are well provided for. He is not happy in his circumstances. For some reasons, he wants out of the relationship.
Who should he think of? His wife and son, or about himself? Supposing he stays in the relationship. It gets increasingly bitter for all of them.
He leaves. He is happy. He is able to achieve what he wanted from life. His wife is unhappy, which would have been so, too, if he had stayed against his wishes.

I hope you see the point.

Excellent article, Mr. Dasgupta. Our icons, indeed, have feet of clay. This article would have been complete if it had given examples from the life of the greatest icon of all, Prophet Mohammad, although there is no dearth of rich material there. But I don`t blame you; his followers` love and devotion (not worship, of course!) makes him untouchable for any reference that is not preceded by a long list of praiseworthy titles.

It is not just Lakshman. As we all know, Ram was not exactly an exemplary husband by modern standards and would indeed be called a deadbeat, absconding dad today. And what about Krishna? He wasn`t an ideal husband either, was he?

But try as I might, I have not found any blemish in the life of Jesus yet. Maybe I haven`t looked hard enough or maybe because he never married.

Dea Dasguptaji:

I suggest you enroll in some sort of long distance writing courses before you begin to write even in On-line newspapers. Please also make some efforts to read few good books on Buddhism too. They are available in any university library. Peace.

Kamath

Dear Dr. BeeDee:

(not to be confused with the (in)famous “bee-ree” cigarette from my ancestral part of India):

I like people who use humor – I try to do that sometimes myself. Therefore, I’ll let you off the hook on this article – in spite of its reliance on an overused theme, its inability to make a point, and its overabundance of caution suffocating any pathetic, feeble, and febrile attempts at humor of even the most sophomoric variety!

[All this to be taken with a grain of salt!]
Stop hiding behind this blanket disclaimer! Take responsibility for your actions – like a man! (Sorry, ladies!)

Vagabond #9: You are right in so far as stating that the Valmiki Ramayan talks (very vaguely) about Urmila sleeping, but the fact remains that there are as many as 20 (that I know of) versions of Ramayana, and there is some disagreement about the status and state of Urmila. Be that as it may, the fact remains that she lost 14 years of her life if she did spend it sleeping :) As for the modern interpretation, that is another argument altogether. I was referring to the classical interpretation.

Inpursuit #12: Good point and something which we can only speculate about. Unfortunately all the protagonists are dead so we cannot confirm. I only took a look at them from a ``weird perspective`` so to say.
dost-mittar #13. I had considered the prophet but for obvious reasons, he doesn`t fit into the examples which I gave. I know he left for short periods of time when he was meditating and getting his instructions from Gabriel, but as far as this article is concerned, he was a good family man. The other figures you mention didn`t figure in this article as well because of the obvious reason that I was looking at people who go away for faith or familial reasons leaving behind their wives and kids. I agree with you, our idols have feet of clay and look hard enough, you will see blemishes. The question is, whether the person has bigger blemishes than kudo`s depends upon the person who is watching this idol. In this case, looking at it from the perspective of abandoned wives, some do.

kamath #14: Thank you for your advice, any particular course that you have personal experience with, that you will recommend? Second, which aspect of the Buddhist story would you disagree with? I presume you are referring to the story of Yashodhara? Since you are quite knowledgeable about this, can you point me to any BCE texts which refer to her? I have to admit that I was not able to find out more in my research and I readily admit my failings. Look forward to learning from you.

BeeJay #15: Thank you for your comments and your forbearance in the face of my pathetic, feeble, and febrile attempts at humour. Humour, as beauty, is in the eyes and ears of the beholder :). The last line is the name of my regular column. It is a self - deprecating statement to stop me becoming too pompous :). Grew up in MP, mate, and tendu patta and beedee`s were my essential parts in growing up as well.