When I Die

rahul:

shoulder the cherished dreams

I liked this. But like shobig I’m hoping dreams stick around long after.

And the hindi was an education...enjoyed it.

Re: # 6 [khaab o hasrat ko m’ray
naz’r e aatish kardO]

do not seem to be doing justice to the oiginal verses.... sorta twist the actual thought....guess there`s gotta be some difference between `nazr-i-aatish` kerna, and `chita jalana`....perhaps the sanctity (?)
Also, replace khabOn with Hastraton/aarzu`on/yaas in the second last verse.

regards

temporal:

Thumbs up sign for urdu tanslation, although I am not sure if khalish is the right translation for angst.

Rahul:

just wondering...is lid the right word?

enjoyed this... don`t know much about hindi...here is my spontaneous urdu take on your poem

jub fanaa hoNgay
yaadouN ki masehri per
khaahishouN ki zanjeerON maiN jakRay
khaab o hasrat ko m’ray
naz’r e aatish kardO

khalish ki chingharion kO
sholaa o rakh ho janay dO
m’ri koh’taeeyON kay gawahON kO
siskiyaaN lainay dO, ronay dO

laluch mit ja’aye
anaa fanaa ho ja’aye
khaabOn ko bhi
bhas’m kardO, mita dO

rgds

t

Crisp and beautiful!

Rahul:

Probably the best poem written on chowk, in both English and Hindi. [the bilingual format is also a good lesson in goorh hindi :)]

Re: # 2 Dear Janitor, dreams divine..our (eastern) take....not, their (western) take...true or not? Clash of ideas, thriving on...geography? That`s the question, the servant seeketh answer to, thy unholy sire! ;)

Rahul, I like it! Also, it’s short and nice and makes its point well!

Consigned to flames
Shall stay
This body no more
Just Body – THE Body

And all we leave
Goes back to source
To earth, to sky
To sea, to Force
THE Force

#1 ShoBig
Don’t listen to all those people – what do they know! Let’s get Dr. Gill’s take on it!

Profound!

[shoulder the cherished dreams]

So you say dreams will die with you(?),
Harold Robin says dreams die first,
Emma Goldman says when we cannot dream any longer we die..
but
Faraz says...khwab mertay nahin
Iftikhar says khwab tau apnay ikhtyar meiN heiN
and I say, they`d still be there to shoulder your coffin, even if no one else remains...

your take?