What will I teach my daughter?
Azmat Hussain September 29, 2005
reply to this interact
write a new interact
add to favorites
flag objectionable content
#102 Posted by scout on October 2, 2005 10:16:21 am
why is everyone making such a fuss over this article?
doesn`t every new parent have aspirations and hopes for their kids?
of course it may all go down the drain as they grow up, but do you blame the guy?
as far as ramzaan and rozay and ipods are concerned, if faith is to be taught at all... parents should be teaching their children to have faith with sincerity, not to have faith only because they could earn an ipod in the end.....
i`ve seen countless pakistani american families bribing their children to follow rituals and it is the stupidest and most backward thing ever..... and ultimately it backfires.
if kids don`t want to pray and otherwise are good kids... leave them alone
doesn`t every new parent have aspirations and hopes for their kids?
of course it may all go down the drain as they grow up, but do you blame the guy?
as far as ramzaan and rozay and ipods are concerned, if faith is to be taught at all... parents should be teaching their children to have faith with sincerity, not to have faith only because they could earn an ipod in the end.....
i`ve seen countless pakistani american families bribing their children to follow rituals and it is the stupidest and most backward thing ever..... and ultimately it backfires.
if kids don`t want to pray and otherwise are good kids... leave them alone
#101 Posted by scout on October 2, 2005 10:01:12 am
Re: # 82
hey shankar bhai, whatch u talkin about?
hey shankar bhai, whatch u talkin about?
#100 Posted by ana on October 2, 2005 9:46:56 am
tahmed:
yes, credit cards do come in handy in an emergency. credit cards also are an ache in more than one place to a parent when they DO trust their children with them, and their children take advantage of that trust. i was joking when i said that to hamid, by the way.
yes, credit cards do come in handy in an emergency. credit cards also are an ache in more than one place to a parent when they DO trust their children with them, and their children take advantage of that trust. i was joking when i said that to hamid, by the way.
#99 Posted by tahmed32 on October 2, 2005 8:19:44 am
another insight on daughters was provided by my dentist many years ago: ``At 17 they think they are invincible``, he said while drilling my gums with one of his favorite instruments of torture (an injection needle).
His problem was that his daughter had picked up smoking, and as a recently reformed smoker he figured maybe I could convince his daughter to give up too. Which I tried after he brought her in for a tahmed sermon, but didnt work. She just nodded her head patientely, and said she knew all this anyway. So, not just do daddy`s no bo-diddly, so do all others of their generation.
His problem was that his daughter had picked up smoking, and as a recently reformed smoker he figured maybe I could convince his daughter to give up too. Which I tried after he brought her in for a tahmed sermon, but didnt work. She just nodded her head patientely, and said she knew all this anyway. So, not just do daddy`s no bo-diddly, so do all others of their generation.
#98 Posted by tahmed32 on October 2, 2005 8:12:31 am
in #97 the ``how not to live within their means`` should have been ``how to live within their means``.
#97 Posted by tahmed32 on October 2, 2005 8:11:34 am
ana: ``i`m not talking about credit cards. . . don`t give her those!!!`` Why not?? Those come in handy in an emergency. and it is a good training for them on how not to live within their means without building up debt - particularly important in a society like the US where credit is so easily available to all.
also, how else are you going to teach them responsibility if you cant even trust them with credit cards (let alone far more important things, like behaving themselves when not under the watchful eye of the parent, as is bound to happen)??
also, how else are you going to teach them responsibility if you cant even trust them with credit cards (let alone far more important things, like behaving themselves when not under the watchful eye of the parent, as is bound to happen)??
#96 Posted by hamidm2 on October 2, 2005 7:25:10 am
Re: # 95
ana,
....... actually, drivng and grades are the only two things i worry about - mrs hamidm worries about everything else ......... the other day i heard them talking on the phone getting all upset over victoria`s secret running out of some line of pink stuff and then she said ``beta, you should at least try to fast on the weekends``
ana,
....... actually, drivng and grades are the only two things i worry about - mrs hamidm worries about everything else ......... the other day i heard them talking on the phone getting all upset over victoria`s secret running out of some line of pink stuff and then she said ``beta, you should at least try to fast on the weekends``
#95 Posted by ana on October 2, 2005 7:08:19 am
abu hamid,
arre, do you trust your daughter? do you have confidence in her?
then why you worry?
i still get the business from my mother. . . . you should go to church, you should do this, why are you doing that. some parents ki pareshaani khair kabhi aasmaanoN se dur tau jaati nahiN, but really now. . . . i think you`re a good abu for being worried, but give your daughter some credit as well (and i`m not talking about credit cards. . . don`t give her those!!!)
arre, do you trust your daughter? do you have confidence in her?
then why you worry?
i still get the business from my mother. . . . you should go to church, you should do this, why are you doing that. some parents ki pareshaani khair kabhi aasmaanoN se dur tau jaati nahiN, but really now. . . . i think you`re a good abu for being worried, but give your daughter some credit as well (and i`m not talking about credit cards. . . don`t give her those!!!)
#94 Posted by hamidm2 on October 2, 2005 6:30:30 am
zahraj,
``As a daughter, I would tell you that you should NEVER EVER question or cross examine your daughter`s reasoning. ``
......... but sometimes you have to ..... and i am not talking about the haircuts or why she thinks god does not exist - both of those are rather unimportant nits and i couldn`t care less, one way or the other ........... but there are some things that, as a parent, you must question .........
........ for example, why does a freshman need to take her car to college when everything is within walking distance (even the boys are across the hall!)......... ``because the hair salon is five miles away and the cheesecake factory is at least ten miles away and besides, i have been driving to school since i was sixteen and i am such a good driver ....... okay what is your reason, king abu?``...............``one and only one reason - i don`t want to worry about you driving when you are so far away ......... also i don`t know any of your new friends and i know that most people go to college to drink - a diploma is quite incidental ``............... ``you are getting old - such a worry wart !.......... can i take it next year when i am nineteen and a lot more responsible ?``.......... ``if you make all a`s and don`t bring home a horrible hindoo boyfriend``...........``what about keshav?``...........``he is not a hindoo, he is a punjabi and eats meat``.......``you are such a racist - all desis are racists and bigots`` ......... and then we continued to talk about more important things like i-pods and gay marriage ..............
.......... last month, she took the car even though she had one b each semester and i shelled out the 600 for parking without a whimper ........ now i am worried silly ........ a car load of kids hundreds of miles away from home is a scary thought specially, when i helped her move last month, i saw empty bottles of vodka and beer cans in every trash can .......... but, maybe i am just a worry wart because abu knows diddly .............
``As a daughter, I would tell you that you should NEVER EVER question or cross examine your daughter`s reasoning. ``
......... but sometimes you have to ..... and i am not talking about the haircuts or why she thinks god does not exist - both of those are rather unimportant nits and i couldn`t care less, one way or the other ........... but there are some things that, as a parent, you must question .........
........ for example, why does a freshman need to take her car to college when everything is within walking distance (even the boys are across the hall!)......... ``because the hair salon is five miles away and the cheesecake factory is at least ten miles away and besides, i have been driving to school since i was sixteen and i am such a good driver ....... okay what is your reason, king abu?``...............``one and only one reason - i don`t want to worry about you driving when you are so far away ......... also i don`t know any of your new friends and i know that most people go to college to drink - a diploma is quite incidental ``............... ``you are getting old - such a worry wart !.......... can i take it next year when i am nineteen and a lot more responsible ?``.......... ``if you make all a`s and don`t bring home a horrible hindoo boyfriend``...........``what about keshav?``...........``he is not a hindoo, he is a punjabi and eats meat``.......``you are such a racist - all desis are racists and bigots`` ......... and then we continued to talk about more important things like i-pods and gay marriage ..............
.......... last month, she took the car even though she had one b each semester and i shelled out the 600 for parking without a whimper ........ now i am worried silly ........ a car load of kids hundreds of miles away from home is a scary thought specially, when i helped her move last month, i saw empty bottles of vodka and beer cans in every trash can .......... but, maybe i am just a worry wart because abu knows diddly .............
#93 Posted by ZahraJ on October 2, 2005 5:35:37 am
Azmat:
1. [The purpose of education is to pass on the knowledge and wisdom from the past into the future generations.]
This is the most offensive statement in this write-up. Past generations lived their life with their own view. Future generation should be able to entertain the same right and privilege.
2. All muslim women do NOT want to emulate Mother Teresa. Why even have ridiculous expectations? Are all men as capable as Rudy G or Jack Welch and/or Robin Sharma? It is simply unrealistic to even nurture high expectations from majority of the average muslim men.
3. Feminists should proceed with whatever is important to them. They are quite capable of pursuing what`s close to their heart (in many cases, it`s not a man). Don`t lose sleep on someone else`s confidence, aspiration and success. You are wasting your energies and your life. Why not do something good for yourself ? i.e. make yourself more effective and productive.
4. As a daughter, I would tell you that you should NEVER EVER question or cross examine your daughter`s reasoning. That`s the best thing a father can do for his daughter. Be a good listener. If she is prudent (hopefully she has that element in her genes besides good looks) then she will come back to you to seek your advice on any matter important to her. You are raising an individual. Don`t forget that. (Hamidm, please pay attention.)
5. The world has a strong influence on the young and old and new borns. The concept of world is not only people any more, it includes technology and environments. Be open to that.
6. I do not think that you meant to put so much emphasis on religion but ended up sharing your concerns. If you were that open minded then why did you marry a religious woman ? It seems that you have concerns on what your wife may teach your daughter? Had you married an atheist woman, she would have induced her values or whatever was important to her as an individual. You could not have any control on that. You have only control on yourself regarding what you want to share with your daughter. You cannot even tell your mother or grandmother to teach her X vs. Y. Be realistic.
7. Last but not least, teach your daugher to throw tantrums before her mother/father decides to take her to the local mosque/synagogue/church. Children should not enter a place of religious learning/practice till they are samjhdaar and know when to stay quiet and when to cry. You will do a big favor to the (wo)mankind.
1. [The purpose of education is to pass on the knowledge and wisdom from the past into the future generations.]
This is the most offensive statement in this write-up. Past generations lived their life with their own view. Future generation should be able to entertain the same right and privilege.
2. All muslim women do NOT want to emulate Mother Teresa. Why even have ridiculous expectations? Are all men as capable as Rudy G or Jack Welch and/or Robin Sharma? It is simply unrealistic to even nurture high expectations from majority of the average muslim men.
3. Feminists should proceed with whatever is important to them. They are quite capable of pursuing what`s close to their heart (in many cases, it`s not a man). Don`t lose sleep on someone else`s confidence, aspiration and success. You are wasting your energies and your life. Why not do something good for yourself ? i.e. make yourself more effective and productive.
4. As a daughter, I would tell you that you should NEVER EVER question or cross examine your daughter`s reasoning. That`s the best thing a father can do for his daughter. Be a good listener. If she is prudent (hopefully she has that element in her genes besides good looks) then she will come back to you to seek your advice on any matter important to her. You are raising an individual. Don`t forget that. (Hamidm, please pay attention.)
5. The world has a strong influence on the young and old and new borns. The concept of world is not only people any more, it includes technology and environments. Be open to that.
6. I do not think that you meant to put so much emphasis on religion but ended up sharing your concerns. If you were that open minded then why did you marry a religious woman ? It seems that you have concerns on what your wife may teach your daughter? Had you married an atheist woman, she would have induced her values or whatever was important to her as an individual. You could not have any control on that. You have only control on yourself regarding what you want to share with your daughter. You cannot even tell your mother or grandmother to teach her X vs. Y. Be realistic.
7. Last but not least, teach your daugher to throw tantrums before her mother/father decides to take her to the local mosque/synagogue/church. Children should not enter a place of religious learning/practice till they are samjhdaar and know when to stay quiet and when to cry. You will do a big favor to the (wo)mankind.
#92 Posted by ZahraJ on October 2, 2005 5:34:32 am
1. [The purpose of education is to pass on the knowledge and wisdom from the past into the future generations.]
This is the most offensive statement in this write-up. Past generations lived their life with their own view. Future generation should be able to entertain the same right and privilege.
2. All muslim women do NOT want to emulate Mother Teresa. Why even have ridiculous expectations? Are all men as capable as Rudy G or Jack Welch and/or Robin Sharma? It is simply unrealistic to even nurture high expectations from majority of the average muslim men.
3. Feminists should proceed with whatever is important to them. They are quite capable of pursuing what`s close to their heart (in many cases, it`s not a man). Don`t lose sleep on someone else`s confidence, aspiration and success. You are wasting your energies and your life. Why not do something good for yourself ? i.e. make yourself more effective and productive.
4. As a daughter, I would tell you that you should NEVER EVER question or cross examine your daughter`s reasoning. That`s the best thing a father can do for his daughter. Be a good listener. If she is prudent (hopefully she has that element in her genes besides good looks) then she will come back to you to seek your advice on any matter important to her. You are raising an individual. Don`t forget that. (Hamidm, please pay attention.)
5. The world has a strong influence on the young and old and new borns. The concept of world is not only people any more, it includes technology and environments. Be open to that.
6. I do not think that you meant to put so much emphasis on religion but ended up sharing your concerns. If you were that open minded then why did you marry a religious woman ? It seems that you have concerns on what your wife may teach your daughter? Had you married an atheist woman, she would have induced her values or whatever was important to her as an individual. You could not have any control on that. You have only control on yourself regarding what you want to share with your daughter. You cannot even tell your mother or grandmother to teach her X vs. Y. Be realistic.
7. Last but not least, teach your daugher to throw tantrums before her mother/father decides to take her to the local mosque/synagogue/church. Children should not enter a place of religious learning/practice till they are samjhdaar and know when to stay quiet and when to cry. You will do a big favor to the (wo)mankind.
This is the most offensive statement in this write-up. Past generations lived their life with their own view. Future generation should be able to entertain the same right and privilege.
2. All muslim women do NOT want to emulate Mother Teresa. Why even have ridiculous expectations? Are all men as capable as Rudy G or Jack Welch and/or Robin Sharma? It is simply unrealistic to even nurture high expectations from majority of the average muslim men.
3. Feminists should proceed with whatever is important to them. They are quite capable of pursuing what`s close to their heart (in many cases, it`s not a man). Don`t lose sleep on someone else`s confidence, aspiration and success. You are wasting your energies and your life. Why not do something good for yourself ? i.e. make yourself more effective and productive.
4. As a daughter, I would tell you that you should NEVER EVER question or cross examine your daughter`s reasoning. That`s the best thing a father can do for his daughter. Be a good listener. If she is prudent (hopefully she has that element in her genes besides good looks) then she will come back to you to seek your advice on any matter important to her. You are raising an individual. Don`t forget that. (Hamidm, please pay attention.)
5. The world has a strong influence on the young and old and new borns. The concept of world is not only people any more, it includes technology and environments. Be open to that.
6. I do not think that you meant to put so much emphasis on religion but ended up sharing your concerns. If you were that open minded then why did you marry a religious woman ? It seems that you have concerns on what your wife may teach your daughter? Had you married an atheist woman, she would have induced her values or whatever was important to her as an individual. You could not have any control on that. You have only control on yourself regarding what you want to share with your daughter. You cannot even tell your mother or grandmother to teach her X vs. Y. Be realistic.
7. Last but not least, teach your daugher to throw tantrums before her mother/father decides to take her to the local mosque/synagogue/church. Children should not enter a place of religious learning/practice till they are samjhdaar and know when to stay quiet and when to cry. You will do a big favor to the (wo)mankind.
#91 Posted by Beej on October 2, 2005 5:09:15 am
Disclaimer: the baby is cute.
Dear author, you are one screwed-up dude! You park your ass in the west and lecture well-intentioned individuals “back home” that they should work “within the system”!
[Most importantly, I will give her critical thinking skills, teach her to meditate, some yoga and a healthy self-expression. She will get to exercise the four domains, intellectual, spiritual, emotional and physical.]
Just LEAVE HER ALONE, will you! What is she – your very own God-given guinea pig?!
[They do not have the judgment to recognize that it is not Islam that needs to be reformed.]
So which one is it – abandon hope all who enter here or rats deserting the sinking ship?
Re#45 by Mantolives
[Ooops now I get it... ]
Author, your article must have SOME redeeming values – even Manto gets it!
#Shankar (various posts)
The shrink slithers in – and nobody tells me! Alas, I truly have no friends left on this site!
#90 Posted by shankar on October 2, 2005 4:55:55 am
Re: # 85
hamid,
ROTFL
{{``abu knows diddly``}}
My 19yr old...going on 50...princess....is also giving me grey hairs.....to the point where I have to put my foot down ....several times a day.... & say ...``you may be the Princess of this house....but I``M the EMPEROR!!``....she shakes her head & says ``dad...for a shrink you know absolutely nuttin` about teenagers!``
Little girls are cute & cuddly when they are little....they are daddy`s little girls.
We desi fathers tend to be a little overprotective of our daughters...probably cos we knew how we were when we were teenagers...& I doubt that the ``moral`` values & endocrine glands of teenage ``hunks`` these days have changed for the better....
But never fear....things are not as they seem ``back home`` too...
I remember Zeemax (where the hell is he?...anyways)...who started a rock group in Lahore saying his ``hijab clad`` groupies would tear off their hijabs & burkhas much faster than the dolls with jeans....& that was more than 25 yrs ago!
then we grow older....& we see our fragile, innocent princesses turning into young women....& every teenage boy looks like Osama Bin Laden to us....
at that point, either we turn into religion (even agnostics like me) find myself using the words... hai Allah/ Shankar Bhagwan muje bachao!...when Friday night comes around...& the jawan beti is putting lipstick & makeup on ....ostensibly to hang out at the mall with her friends...& then gives me her trade mark ``sigh & eye-roll`` when I ask ``OK how many BOYS among your friends?``.....
or buy a goddamned shotgun!
I chuckled when I saw the picture of the author holding his sweet, innocent child in his bosom...i hate to pour cold water on his tranquil parade...that sweet child is going to grow up into a beautiful lady one day.....THATS when you really start hoping there is a God to protect her.....
hamid,
ROTFL
{{``abu knows diddly``}}
My 19yr old...going on 50...princess....is also giving me grey hairs.....to the point where I have to put my foot down ....several times a day.... & say ...``you may be the Princess of this house....but I``M the EMPEROR!!``....she shakes her head & says ``dad...for a shrink you know absolutely nuttin` about teenagers!``
Little girls are cute & cuddly when they are little....they are daddy`s little girls.
We desi fathers tend to be a little overprotective of our daughters...probably cos we knew how we were when we were teenagers...& I doubt that the ``moral`` values & endocrine glands of teenage ``hunks`` these days have changed for the better....
But never fear....things are not as they seem ``back home`` too...
I remember Zeemax (where the hell is he?...anyways)...who started a rock group in Lahore saying his ``hijab clad`` groupies would tear off their hijabs & burkhas much faster than the dolls with jeans....& that was more than 25 yrs ago!
then we grow older....& we see our fragile, innocent princesses turning into young women....& every teenage boy looks like Osama Bin Laden to us....
at that point, either we turn into religion (even agnostics like me) find myself using the words... hai Allah/ Shankar Bhagwan muje bachao!...when Friday night comes around...& the jawan beti is putting lipstick & makeup on ....ostensibly to hang out at the mall with her friends...& then gives me her trade mark ``sigh & eye-roll`` when I ask ``OK how many BOYS among your friends?``.....
or buy a goddamned shotgun!
I chuckled when I saw the picture of the author holding his sweet, innocent child in his bosom...i hate to pour cold water on his tranquil parade...that sweet child is going to grow up into a beautiful lady one day.....THATS when you really start hoping there is a God to protect her.....
#89 Posted by hamidm2 on October 1, 2005 10:03:07 am
...... but even though you don`t know diddly, sometimes they make you think that what little you know does matter ........ like, (see i do know something !)........ well like fifteen minutes ago when mother and daughter like took off on yet another shopping expedition, my daughter, with a look of pained concern on her face, asked, `` you really don`t like my hair? ..... you want me to get it fixed?``.......... ``oh no, i love it!....... you are the cutest sophomore in the world``...........``cuter than the cutest and the most badtameez eight grader in the world ?``......... hair style seems to be a lot more important for sophomores, than matters of belief, disbelief and unbelief ............ god knows what they are thinking, but they always win and leave you wondering if you know anything ............
#88 Posted by hamidm2 on October 1, 2005 9:45:21 am
..... and just to show that other, wiser, people argee with the fact that ``abu knows diddly``, let me quote a hadith of the one true prophet:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life`s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life`s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
Interact Index
Latest Interacts
- CreateAlpha: And tahmed, the FED... US Commando Strike in
- HP: Asadi, I am not... There is no ‘honour’
- CreateAlpha: Bubbie, that is because... US Commando Strike in
- HP: Tahmed Land reforms in... There is no ‘honour’
- masadi: Ahmad sahib have some... US Commando Strike in
- masadi: In addition, the white... There is no ‘honour’
- masadi: tahmed writes " ZAB reneged... There is no ‘honour’
- tahmed32: that's 3%, not 4%... US Commando Strike in
