Reflections and other poems

alberto:

welcome to chowk

liked the pink rose and isolation

I cannot see
Through dust-stopped eyes
The fish-starved sea bird`s swift descent
Nor feel beneath my withered feet
The warm salt water`s rise.

rgds

t

Alberto,

This was a refreshing set, besides the relief of a new poetic voice.

I thought the bouquet was rather profuse...and so much of variety that one could not quite get a satisfactory tour of your ouvre.
`

That said, I thought it was a rather nice and expansive wash of memory and desire. But I am unable to make up my mind on whether the narrative sweep is to blame for the rather cavalier rounding off of some exquisite images. A more detailed chiselling would bring some of the images into sharper relief, making the poems more concrete, compact and cogent.

Besides, the narrative`s philosophical tone sometimes robs the lines of robustness that would have been retained without it. As in, too fine a declaration about rejection of ``illusion`` and its obviously unappealing mystical mumbo jumbo... sometimes end up being too trite. As in the last stanza.

I live far inland from the sea
The dust along my arid path
Forms tawny shapes
About my feet
Where foam and sand might be.

This stanza had a promising start...and a second line that leads from the first...but I thought tawny shapes were a rounding about. In the sense that dust had already established ``twniness``...and the shape```` being a abstract it did not arrest the redundancy of tawniness with a definative image.

I hope I have managed to convey my ideas. I do not know if you write in English... but yours is a nice fresh voice. PLease post more of your work.


HN

temporal and HN...
Many thanks for your comments. Yes, HN, I`ve made a couple of attempts to write in other languages but, like Narayan, I`m only able to express myself comfortably in English. I would very much like to write in Urdu but that`s out of reach for me. My ``Pale Pink Rose`` was an attempt, in English, to pay homage as best I could to the most extraordinary Urdu poets, Mir and Ghalib. If I can introduce someone to these masters I will be content, although there`ll be more of my poems from time to time, and I`ve submitted some prose that may or may not be accepted, who knows. mirmir

haha, kissing the stone was the best!

Re: # 5

Ana...

¡Que sorpresa tan agradable como inesperada! Nunca imaginé encontrar a otra persona en las paginas de Chowk que hable español. Gracias por tus sentimientos tan amables acerca de mis poemas. Si, habrá más - pues, depende de los editores de Chowk.

De paso – acabo de leer “Soldados de Salamina” por Javier Cercas - ¿lo conoces, por casualidad? Magnifico. Saludos...Alberto

What a surprise, as pleasing as unexpected! I never imagined meeting another person on the pages of Chowk who might speak Spanish. Thank you for your very kind sentiments concerning my poems. There will be more - well, it depends on Chowk`s editors.

In passing – I just finished reading “Soldiers of Salamina” by Javier Cercas – do you happen to know it? Magnificent. Greetings…Alberto

Alberto:

Bienvenidos a Chowk!

Me gusta mucho tu ``besando la piedra`` y ``fusion`` y si! me parece que ``pale pink rose`` vale mucho como un tributo a ghalib y mir.

Es un placer de verte aqui, y espero que escriberas mas!
--a

alberto:

no. no conozco a “soldados de salamina” . quizàs cuando tendre tiempo durante las vacaciones tratare de leerlo. no se si hay otras aqui que hablan en español, pues no hay mucha oportunidad para hablar en mas lenguas que ingles o nos propios. tambien es que a la gente aqui, le gusta cuando todos hablan una lengua que todo el mundo puede entender, claro. me gusta pratica cuando la oportunidad se presenta.

para mi, es siempre una sorpresa tan agradable cuando la gente que no son de pakistan o de india o con raices de pakistan o india viene y participa y se quede aqui. y tiene interes como tu en la poesia y la cultura de nuestro pais. espero que tu interes continua a crecer.

y se que debia traducir lo que escribe antes en ingles, pero no lo hice. muchas gracias para hacerlo. saludos.

alberto:

no, i’m not familiar with “soldados de salamina”. perhaps when i have time during the holidays i will try to read it. i don’t know if there are others here who speak Spanish, well, there isn’t much opportunity to speak in more languages other than english or our own. also, the thing is that the folks here like to speak one language that everyone can understand, of course. i like to practice whenever the opportunity presents itself.

for me, it is always a pleasant surprise when folks or are not from pakistan or india, or don’t have roots there come and participate and stay here. and who are interested as you are in poetry and the culture of our countr(ies). i hope your interest will continue to grow.

and i know i should have translated what i wrote in english but i didn’t. thank you for doing so. greetings. –a.

p. s. this was fun! and i had to break down and use a dictionary for a couple of words. :)