Laddo Ki Shadi

Re: # 10lol! all this sounds more like muddled up ideas then bad english.....and by the way its :
Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in
its own way.
and little did i get of the rest of them......and thanx.....i am glad this story had positive write ups...though i would have continued writing anyways!

Re: # 9

I was happy you feel encouraged that is reason I wrote.

As this related about short stories. About book by tolstoy ``anna Karenina``. It is long novel with russian tradition of too many characters, long periods and geography, obviously one always feel about they could have been economic characters.


But is it not same time Mr. Tolstoy tells story in first paragraph is amazing.

I am not be verbatum but its like this

`` All happy people are ALIKE they are rich, beautiful, have good children with houses but all UNHAPPY PEOPLE ARE SPECIAL DIFFERNT FROM EACH OTHER IN UNIQUEWAY UNHAPPY``.

Two Indians epics stunned me by their beginning which encompass the essence.

Stunning starting of Ramchandra story with the pathos and inability of sage coming out of mediation and his futile effort to save bird couple and arrow only hitting one bird and other bird diving and coming with sad scream. Which then goes in details of moral science.

Second is story of Maharbhart where warrior Arjun about start the war get depressed and the story starts leading to social science.

Shakespear start great way in Hamlet.

Again you have good brain to catch pathos and beauty , strong wrist to carry out the story once in your mind. Forgive for english which not strong point.

Re: # 8thanx madanni.......i agree there is a space for improvement and that the russian short stories and D.H.Lawrence will help.....i read anna kerenina though......and it was fabulous!!i write to learn and thats the beauty of chowk.....
true that these days we r tangled up among the crowd that ACTS intellectual...thanx for the kind words...i too have seen many women who have this general feeling of sadness and many of then shed tears .....some almost everday and apparently they have everything to be happy for.....i.e family and money......i am encouarged..thanx madani.......

AA I read the story and liked it. Due to my own circumstances in life I seen misuse iltreatment offered to women , its so normal that one looses feeling. When I was small boy I asked my mother why she cries for no reason ( I was so naive and inocent). Mother told me son do not worry `` women cry`` for no reason. I was satisfied , ignorance is bliss ( What child can do?).

I liked you kept short and went to basics so fast , and went little against of telling story end. That is thinking persons story , it keeps you wondering as there are several possibilities. It just hit my head some times great classical singers some times at end do not complete notes but leaves and tanpura takes over and its great for imaginative listeners, I felt same way.
The dialogue between females is organic even in English language never felt you were managing plan of story telling. That is art which appears so easy but which is so difficult.
Your description of Raziya, Sheeda all so real aspect of world no unnecessary pity just facts reminded of what Munshi Premchand said about women in pathos `` woman your story , breast full of milk and eyes full of tears``.

As in painting there are realist, impressive and expressionist painting. Wisely and artfully you painted realiastically and had control not express yourself and left reader to paint his expressionalist pictures about story for himself.

Your last dialogue of women is deep angish setting.

``Where?”

“Laddo’s village. I don’t want to die before she gets married.”

“What if she is already married?”

“Then I shall die in peace.”

“They won’t let you meet her.”

“ Then we can just look at her Baraat from a distance. I am her mother, for eternity. They robbed the peace in my life, I wont let them rob the peace of my death.” ``

This is poetry in prose, greatly apprecciated. A good poem has good construction, imagination and emotion. You have catched the essense in of that poetic prose construction in 7 lines, they are condensed , nothing to add nothing to take out.

Also the treatment of sister is so cruel but so normal.
Sheeda`s efforts for getting married ( collecting stuff), woman is so sad, marriage without sexual content. ( There is finer aspect to story but I will not go in that province as recently one person called me pervert, its hard to express when surrounded by too smart people. But then I recalled the sage who wrote ``kamsutra`` warning most import organ in sex is brain and some lack damn it)

You have done good work. Obviously one feels some things can be improved. I congragulate for good work. It will help you if you can find short stories by tolstoy and russian writer Turgnev. You can learn and gain lot if you can get hold of novel by D. H. Lawrance `` sons and lovers`` if in future you want to embark on novel.

Again very good credible writing.

Ahmed Madani.

Re: # 6 darling......i am not writing a novel.....the work has enough detail for an 1100 words story.....thanx......whats wedding of sundri......???

was this a sequel to ``the wedding of sundri``......well written ammara but should have added a little more detail....its the small things which have a great influence!

Ammara - thanks for sharing that info... and i`m glad you took the time to record their life.

Ammara,

I loved reading this peice, so nice and refreshing, it reminded me of the many short stories i have read in Urdu, i loved the style and the way you carried it all through. An enjoyable read.

Thank you
Ally

amrita......thanx...the story is based on real characters and both the ladies died in reality.....polly died less then 2 months ago.....depressing to see their lives wasted....although none ever talked to me.....polly met me once in the past 6 years...i had some idea whats going on in their life....i decided to pen it all down...their names just evaporated from earth..and Capri.....i write often though am not seasoned....lol...but i dont get published that often...thanx
ammara

This was a wonderful read. You appear to be a seasoned writer rather than an occasional one,which you probably are.

ammara - this was heartbreaking, and yet you made me believe in the hope and strength of the women at the end. look forward to more.