August 2003

Re: # 67

:)

Re: # 57

sorry...Jung then:)

#75 Amrita ``there`s this odd and unwarranted suspicion a lot of them seem to harbor for the `goras` ``
I hate that too, especially comments about ``goray log aise hote hain``. Even from people in a relationship with ``goras``.
I am bit suspicious about some of these white people though.

Re: # 65
kidbeegorilla - again, butting in here but... i think thats a simplistic view to take. i dont deny that women have it sticky almost everywhere they go but there`s still a difference. and a lot of it stems from how connected desis are to local society or the biradiri if you will and our definition and expectations of family as compared to the same in the states.

as for finding the same or roughly similar milieu once you move away - thats interesting. because i dont think that`s a given, i think it depends on who you are. most desis i know come over and immediately look around for the desi crowd and then slowly make friends outside that circle. and a lot of men, more than women, tend not to make really close friendships outside the desi crowd. there`s this odd and unwarranted suspicion a lot of them seem to harbor for the `goras` that i wish someone would explain to me [jang?]. but a lot of people will find friends - real ones, people who march to the same drummer, irrespective of ethnicity.

although i will agree that you`ll tend to know more people from your socio-economic milieu than not. but you`ll meet a wide variety on college campuses at least.

Re: # 64

Loaded question- had to think a bit. True, every individual no matter where she or he is judges. But that judgement happens on different levels in different countries. In India, when you`re with your family, and that family knows other families that do the same thing and stay within the same clique, adhering strictly to a tradition and way of life, a society is formed. In Abudhabi, this might have been a bit better because we didnt know as many families, but not by much at all. In the US however, most of us come in as students. As students, many of us are more lax with our `traditions`. True, we become attached to people of similar cultures- but there is a certain comraderie. Don`t get me wrong- lots of judgement flies around- but none of it can get as reputation-shattering or damaging. People talk, and then they don`t and one fine day, they don`t care- and that process is comparitively quicker. And with no elders around in your student life, things can feel more free and less rule-bound.

#68 by ali_1 #68

[...while secretly drooling over .... ``...... and temptingly delicious men``]

Ali, we all KNOW your propensities; you don`t have to trumpet them on Chowk.

Unless you are trolling for gay dates!

Re: # 70

Hmmm- those are valid comments. I would disagree with you on the unruliness factor however. I have seen Indian kids be the same if not worse. I think we assumed the worst of them because we could not understand them.

My parents might have put me in an Indian school to keep with the CBSE syllabus, true. But I always got the impression it was to huddle close to our people. Comfort zones.

You`re right- I`m not a parent. I would have no idea about parental perspective, though I could speculate. Bringing up a child is a very tricky thing to do- in this day and age. But I wanted to publish my perspective on it. Understanding why parents do something does not make it easier to stop asking questions, or wonder. Again, people in my very situation have reacted to things very differently. Maybe I just asked questions that mattered more to me.

Hmm- praying in a church and going to a steak house. I wouldn`t call those growing experiences. But I have learnt more about my self from that kind of experimentation. I think those choices are a result of evolution. I have grown, but not because of experiences like that.

To my 10 year old mind, the only solution to fitting in was to act like the people around me, granted that i did have more than they did. I did dress up differently, left my fancy pencil purses at home, and brought Indian lunches. I don`t know how much it helped. I was still called `foreign ponnu` (girl). It might have been superfluous. I mean- I certainly can`t imagine doing something like that now.

Why confused now? :) Many reasons including constant doubts about whether I`m doing the right thing, where I`ll live a few years from now- but lets stash that for another day:)

Ref scout #41

[Re: # 40

why are you so upset that she prays in a church?]

Good. Since you are all for interfaith praying, how about going to the Ganesh Temple in Flushing on Fridays? Hey, we let women into our temples!

I would agree with your dad that arab kids are more unruly. My experience would be in malls of dubai & kuwait. I had seen 10-12 y.o. over weight kids running around with cell phones in their hand. But this is atleast 11 years ago. And also people tend to follow rules more strictly in other countries then their own.
You being sent to kuwait indian school would be that it would be easy for you to adjust for future education in India. As one never knows when one might have to return to India.
I highly doubt that your parents would not know the culture or society you would be exposed if you live in other country. I find it bit naive but then dont know about your parents.
Since you are not a parent (just an assumption, might not be true), you would not realize what parents go through to make sure that their kid have proper upbringing. Asking one to wear a bindi and bowing to their parents whenever they leave for school or work is a way for them to know and follow what they think is appropriate.
For Indians atleast a decade ago a ticket out of India was a ticket to financial success. That might have made anyone jealous of you. I have no idea what to think of your trying to act poor. It just does not fit my idea of any kid now or 10 years ago. It sounds very superfluous. But then it your view and your have every right for it.
Do you consider your transition from vegetarian hindu to ordering medium well steak and going to a church a growing up experience?
Finally, what are you confused about now?
It was fun reading your article.

So I guess nobody here stayed in a strict boarding school? And then went absolutely beserk on moving to the freedom in College hostel? Anyone? Takes around a decade to recover sometimes.

I suppose it is confusing moving between different cultures. And its not just from one country to another. Its equally confusing moving between the different states in India. Why for some it could be within a city from one suburb to another. It how we let the experience affect us that is important. It can be culturally enriching or we can sit around and whinge. Either way it will make us feel better.

You`re a cutie pie, at least in the pic that you have posted. God Bless.

Why are these geriatric old farts from VHP/RSS so upset? C`mon unkill(s), its not her fault that you have spent all your years in the US eating aloo bhindi at Bharat Restaurant, while the smell from the BBQ grill made you tizzy..... or that you have settled with your arranged java programmer fatass bride while secretly drooling over (depending on your taste) ``extremely pretty women and temptingly delicious men`` who made you yank your li`l bhindi to death.

Aruna, just a word of advice. No need to answer each and every interactor who feels he needs to leak on your parade here. Stuka`s comment - pay no mind to the bile filled tambis is spot on (LOL).

Nicely written, I thought. Very honest and not at all pretentious. You`re lucky you kept an open mind through all that ``indoctrination``:)

Keep writing....

``Cultural divides were so deep that when we passed a Pakistani or an Arabic school bus on our way back home, a kid in their bus would spit on our window, and a kid in ours would spit at their window. I don`t think any of us understood why. But my curiosity was slowly overwhelming my desire to keep my head straight and ignore the white gob of spit oozing outside my window. I remember examining the ooze once. Maybe we didn`t like them because they ate something gross.``
Nice!

# 54 aruna Another thing is that Desi (Indian,Pakistani) society is more judgemental with females than it is with males. The total absence of that society can be refreshing and relieving.

aren`t other societies - eg, American, Chinese, European etc.. - just as judgmental? And every society discriminates based on gender to some degree. There are desis in the US aplenty. If you left one set of asian society back home, did you not attach yourself to another (eventually roughly similar) set here, with your comfort level of values, mores and censures, assuming of course that you have neither changed your religion, gender nor sexual preference?

# 54 aruna Another thing is that Desi (Indian,Pakistani) society is more judgemental with females than it is with males. The total absence of that society can be refreshing and relieving.

aren`t other societies - eg, American, Chinese, European etc.. - just as judgmental? And every society discriminates based on gender to some degree. There are desis in the US aplenty. If you left one set of asian society back home, did you not attach yourself to another (eventually roughly similar) set here, with your comfort level of values, mores and censures, assuming of course that you have neither changed your religion, gender nor sexual preference?

Re: # 62: don`t be flip, Kulharee!!! I am as sensitive to Saudi princess` needs as the next guy. Even more so, if I can boast. Not only will I kiss her on both cheeks, I will also ask her daddy to kiss my cheeks as well, if you know what I mean. ;-)

Friday is good, drinks in midtown afterwork.