August 2003

Re: # 61

Chaltoo… name the place and time, and I will bring both verities.

By Cultural Fkups I meant fking up by the way of not realizing customs or cultural idiosyncrasies of a given place or culture. E.g., me kissing on the cheeks of a Saudi Princess at a party in presence of her daddy who is Saudi Ambassador. I should be sensitive to Saudi customs to do it in private. Don’t you think?

For you may be everything Chaltahai, but I know better.

Re: # 53; Cultural fk ups? SHow me a pure culturist Kulharee and I will show you a fk up.

Re: # 54: In relation to arab society? I do not think that the desi society is any more misogynistic or judgemental than the arab world. Look, sleeping with your cousin is not good family values.

#52..#2 as reason will do just fine ;-)

i think you ladies agree then..in india boys get a lot of freedom not available to girls (e.g. staying out late or overnight with ``friends`` is no big deal for boys).

Re: # 53

Sounds great. I`ll pick it up after I finish the one I`m reading- `Veronika Decides to Die`. Do read The Alchemist if you have not.
There is an upcoming blog for the culturally confused or curious- www.nationless.blogspot.com
check it out sometime.

Re: # 54

>>>>Is that a newer perspective for you Jang?<<<<

Aruna, that line is so funny. But it is spelled Jungian perspective (Jung with a U, and not an A).

Re: # 49

:)

Re: # 48

Hi Icha, You`re right. I don`t feel like I belong to any particular city either. Maybe just a little to the city I did college in here in the US, but thats because I navigated on my own, did all the ground work, and made choices in that city. Try this link- www.nationless.blogspot.com
It is an upcoming interactive blog for the nationless ones like us:)

Re: # 50

Amrita put it all so well. Sometimes I feel like women and men look at education and life in the US in different ways. I am from a semi-conservative family in which men still earn money for the family. Women do too- but they`re not the `bread winners`. Thats why in arranged marriages, the first criteria is the guy`s job. Never the girl`s. This has a point-I promise:) So in coming to the United States, my male friends feel a sense of responsibility more than anything else. There is freedom, but for the most part, that`s nothing new. Most men didnt have strict curfews at home anyway. A lot of us women on the other hand, did. So for some of us girls, this whole who-cares-if-I-come-back-home-at-5-am thing is a winner deal! And I for one, made full use of the freedom.

Another thing is that Desi (Indian,Pakistani) society is more judgemental with females than it is with males. The total absence of that society can be refreshing and relieving. Helps us socialize, make choices, and dare to be ourselves more.

Is that a newer perspective for you Jang?

Aruna

A little side-tracking.

There’s a book (Motoring with Mohammad – Eric Hanson) that I read some time ago. A young American in the 70s buries his travel writings in desert of Yemen and goes back after many years to recover them. It’s an excellent book, and those who like reading about cultural fk ups (customs and etc.) would enjoy it.

Re: # 50

i knew you`d appreciate it :P. re: the liberation issue... its not so much moving to the states, as it is moving out of your parents` home. speaking personally and for my friends, most of us moved out when we turned 18 and we lived on our own in Indian cities as well as western [and some eastern] cities and it wasnt geography as much as the heady feeling of being independent or quasi independednt given the fact we were still being supported by our parents. but you live on your own, no curfews [unless you land up in a hostel run by nuns or a very strict pg or something horrible like that], pay your own bills, learn to deal with people and situations, and you`re not such a princess any more. not that shielded, not that protected. sometimes its a drag. but mostly, it makes you feel worthwhile. of course, the downside is that you can never really go back - you might feel like getting pampered at home for short periods of time but after that, its hard to live by other people`s rules when you`ve been making em for a while.

i know what you`re thinking though - and sex isnt the number one reason, you perv! :)

Aruna,

Lively, thought provoking piece that speaks to possibilities of living in and negotiating several constructed worlds simulataneously. Keep that sense of wonder and open mindedness, and keep writing!

#49 thanks amrita for 49, somehow i knew you know the answer.. can you now tell the REAL reason for sense of liberation ;-)

i agree guys spend almost a year claiming that thums up tastes better and chinese food is unedible (and attempting to put garam-masala in tuna-salad sandwich)..

hey aruna - this was a fun read. i can kind of relate to this just by being born and then growing up in different parts of india and then moving west and traveling all over. language is dfintely a huge factor in determining how well you fit in. and then there are the sanctimonous types like the ones you`ve already met on this board who`re always ready to presume that they know every single blessed thing about you based on a few hundred words you typed out. dont let em get you down. looking forward to more.

jang - this wasnt directed to me, but if i may: a lot of the guys seem to suffer from violent homesickness. they want things to be exactly the way it was back home: mummy`s cooking, maid cleaning up, etc. and they get so caught up in recreating the world back home that they forget to explore the one in which they`re living. the girls tend to be a lot less fussy. then there`s the fact that a lot of them arrive in america expecting a mix of hollywood and nyc and end up living in some small college town and have no idea how to deal with this huge shift between imagination and reality. plus, in some ways it just easier for girls coz we`re prettier and cleaner and smell better and are less likely to be mistaken for terrorists :D

I was born in Libya, moved to Dubai and finally moved to Karachi when I was 15. School consisted of girls referring to me as either `Dubaaai` or more often `dubayee ka maal`. Worst 1 and a half years of my life. College was an improvement, I suppose we were older and I had learned to hide my ignorance better.
I had the absolute other problem though. I knew no Pakistanis other than family, went to an Indian school and as a result ended up having only Indian, or a couple of Arab friends. My dad put me in what he believed was a good school and forgot all about it. So adjusting back home turned out to be monumental. Its fine now, ofcourse but I dont think ill ever have that absolute devotion so many people feel for their cities, ever.
Great article, I could never manage to put it so well :)

#20 by Urstruly on October 25, 2005 12:34pm PT

I think Aruna has grown up just fine and mature, however, some of you people need lots of growing up to do. Must you insult each and every soul you come across to get noticed? I am pretty sure you must possess some positive creative abilities to share with us. Just try for once for crying out loud.


Yup, agree 100%. Now the Hindutva fanatics will call me Dhimmified for agreeing with a Mullah :0)