August 2003

hey aruna - this was a fun read. i can kind of relate to this just by being born and then growing up in different parts of india and then moving west and traveling all over. language is dfintely a huge factor in determining how well you fit in. and then there are the sanctimonous types like the ones you`ve already met on this board who`re always ready to presume that they know every single blessed thing about you based on a few hundred words you typed out. dont let em get you down. looking forward to more.

jang - this wasnt directed to me, but if i may: a lot of the guys seem to suffer from violent homesickness. they want things to be exactly the way it was back home: mummy`s cooking, maid cleaning up, etc. and they get so caught up in recreating the world back home that they forget to explore the one in which they`re living. the girls tend to be a lot less fussy. then there`s the fact that a lot of them arrive in america expecting a mix of hollywood and nyc and end up living in some small college town and have no idea how to deal with this huge shift between imagination and reality. plus, in some ways it just easier for girls coz we`re prettier and cleaner and smell better and are less likely to be mistaken for terrorists :D

#49 thanks amrita for 49, somehow i knew you know the answer.. can you now tell the REAL reason for sense of liberation ;-)

i agree guys spend almost a year claiming that thums up tastes better and chinese food is unedible (and attempting to put garam-masala in tuna-salad sandwich)..

Aruna,

Lively, thought provoking piece that speaks to possibilities of living in and negotiating several constructed worlds simulataneously. Keep that sense of wonder and open mindedness, and keep writing!

Re: # 50

i knew you`d appreciate it :P. re: the liberation issue... its not so much moving to the states, as it is moving out of your parents` home. speaking personally and for my friends, most of us moved out when we turned 18 and we lived on our own in Indian cities as well as western [and some eastern] cities and it wasnt geography as much as the heady feeling of being independent or quasi independednt given the fact we were still being supported by our parents. but you live on your own, no curfews [unless you land up in a hostel run by nuns or a very strict pg or something horrible like that], pay your own bills, learn to deal with people and situations, and you`re not such a princess any more. not that shielded, not that protected. sometimes its a drag. but mostly, it makes you feel worthwhile. of course, the downside is that you can never really go back - you might feel like getting pampered at home for short periods of time but after that, its hard to live by other people`s rules when you`ve been making em for a while.

i know what you`re thinking though - and sex isnt the number one reason, you perv! :)

A little side-tracking.

There’s a book (Motoring with Mohammad – Eric Hanson) that I read some time ago. A young American in the 70s buries his travel writings in desert of Yemen and goes back after many years to recover them. It’s an excellent book, and those who like reading about cultural fk ups (customs and etc.) would enjoy it.

Re: # 50

Amrita put it all so well. Sometimes I feel like women and men look at education and life in the US in different ways. I am from a semi-conservative family in which men still earn money for the family. Women do too- but they`re not the `bread winners`. Thats why in arranged marriages, the first criteria is the guy`s job. Never the girl`s. This has a point-I promise:) So in coming to the United States, my male friends feel a sense of responsibility more than anything else. There is freedom, but for the most part, that`s nothing new. Most men didnt have strict curfews at home anyway. A lot of us women on the other hand, did. So for some of us girls, this whole who-cares-if-I-come-back-home-at-5-am thing is a winner deal! And I for one, made full use of the freedom.

Another thing is that Desi (Indian,Pakistani) society is more judgemental with females than it is with males. The total absence of that society can be refreshing and relieving. Helps us socialize, make choices, and dare to be ourselves more.

Is that a newer perspective for you Jang?

Aruna

Re: # 48

Hi Icha, You`re right. I don`t feel like I belong to any particular city either. Maybe just a little to the city I did college in here in the US, but thats because I navigated on my own, did all the ground work, and made choices in that city. Try this link- www.nationless.blogspot.com
It is an upcoming interactive blog for the nationless ones like us:)

Re: # 49

:)

Re: # 54

>>>>Is that a newer perspective for you Jang?<<<<

Aruna, that line is so funny. But it is spelled Jungian perspective (Jung with a U, and not an A).

Re: # 53

Sounds great. I`ll pick it up after I finish the one I`m reading- `Veronika Decides to Die`. Do read The Alchemist if you have not.
There is an upcoming blog for the culturally confused or curious- www.nationless.blogspot.com
check it out sometime.

#52..#2 as reason will do just fine ;-)

i think you ladies agree then..in india boys get a lot of freedom not available to girls (e.g. staying out late or overnight with ``friends`` is no big deal for boys).

Re: # 54: In relation to arab society? I do not think that the desi society is any more misogynistic or judgemental than the arab world. Look, sleeping with your cousin is not good family values.

Re: # 53; Cultural fk ups? SHow me a pure culturist Kulharee and I will show you a fk up.

Re: # 61

Chaltoo… name the place and time, and I will bring both verities.

By Cultural Fkups I meant fking up by the way of not realizing customs or cultural idiosyncrasies of a given place or culture. E.g., me kissing on the cheeks of a Saudi Princess at a party in presence of her daddy who is Saudi Ambassador. I should be sensitive to Saudi customs to do it in private. Don’t you think?

For you may be everything Chaltahai, but I know better.

Re: # 62: don`t be flip, Kulharee!!! I am as sensitive to Saudi princess` needs as the next guy. Even more so, if I can boast. Not only will I kiss her on both cheeks, I will also ask her daddy to kiss my cheeks as well, if you know what I mean. ;-)

Friday is good, drinks in midtown afterwork.

# 54 aruna Another thing is that Desi (Indian,Pakistani) society is more judgemental with females than it is with males. The total absence of that society can be refreshing and relieving.

aren`t other societies - eg, American, Chinese, European etc.. - just as judgmental? And every society discriminates based on gender to some degree. There are desis in the US aplenty. If you left one set of asian society back home, did you not attach yourself to another (eventually roughly similar) set here, with your comfort level of values, mores and censures, assuming of course that you have neither changed your religion, gender nor sexual preference?