Filtered Posts

Train to Pakistan 2004: La, Hore? LtCol.Rathore #395,
Sir, I must know, are you for real? I read your powerful post, then I went to your impressive bio and patriotic ilog. The star and crescent look real enough, the tear-producing``yeh watan tumhara he, tum ho paasban iske`` naghma is quite convincing . But before I welcome you as a fellow Pakistani Rajput, a cousin, and a true Injun fighter, I must be careful. Many will accuse you of being another reincarnation of that famous Pakistani Rajput hero, Shaheed Barachota, martyred in the prime of youth by Chowk Management at the instigation of Paki-bashing Injuns. Sir, I am proud of your contributions on the front, in the shadow of yet another great Pakistani Rajput, Shaheed Maj Aziz Bhatti. Please forgive me for this scrutiny, but as you can well imagine, Chowk is infested with RAW agents of both the raw and thoroughly rotten varieties. Please respond with indisputable proof of your Pakistani credentials. Our luck on Chowk with former Pakistani military officers has not been much to write home about, in fact, our luck with such fellows has been downright terrible. Thank you. I welcome you in advance and look forward to serving under your command, along with my comrades tahmed, omar, HP, ali, atef, wajahat, sobia, and others as we clear this area of Injun critters.

Train to Pakistan 2004: La, Hore? sunlight #389,
{``People say Islam is an angry religion. I disagree. It`s just that a lot of Muslims are angry, because they live under repressive regimes``}

Yes, Muslims are mainly angry at the double standards being used against them. They are angry that millions of Palestinians have been chased out of their homes, occupied, with no representation, and no hope for the future. It is great to talk about democracy, but when the source of concern for Muslims is an apologist for the Israeli occupation, the whole message becomes suspect. The most repressive regimes, as far as Muslims are concerned, are Israel and India. Allied occupation of Iraq is a close third.

Next time your post a long article from someone who wants democracy and other good things for Muslims, make sure it is an impartial, credible source.

Lahore ka Jughraphiah Gujju #123,
{``Just wanted to point out that 36% of Pakistan`s population lives below poverty line , earning less than a $ a day , compared to 23% of India`s population. ``}

So, my dear Gujju bhai, assuming your own statistics are correct, you are saying that India makes life miserable for four times as many people as Pakistan. In other words, there are four times as many poor in India as there are in Pakistan.
As for the statistics, I would request Mr. Tahmed to apply the CREIP discipline to your numbers.

Lahore ka Jughraphiah piarra-love #122,
Oye sardarji, ye tusi incognito kyon kar ditta. Kaura, when did you start this love shove bujinetch? Sanu chowk nal sab se galle lag ditta. (Please don`t make fun of my Punjabi - I am learning here on Chowk.)

Train to Pakistan 2004: La, Hore? piarra-love #384,
{``Too much hatred and fighting here. STOP! Now, hug each other``}

Oye Kauray, tusi ki karan? Why are you peddling love on the front page, yaar? People will misundertand you and head right for the Farzana Versey board for supplies. Both Nikki and Gujju visit here now and then.

Lahore ka Jughraphiah Morad #119,
{` p.s. i thought you wuld pick up the assence of my post 116, which obviosly you did not ,,, thankgod i didnt go to your school .... on a friendlier note, i really enjoy your posts on the various boards .... ``}

Morad sahib, thanks for your funny response. I reread your post number 116. It was the one where you expressed interest in ZahraJ`s sanitary needs. I hope you were able to visit her ilog and understand everyone`s predicament. The rest of my comment was meant as a joke yar - you said I ate grass (which I took to mean you are calling me Khotay), so I put it in my huqqa, which caused me to see things very differently, ah forget it, why don`t we just burn Uncle Veeresh Ji`s travelogues along with ZahraJ`s napkins and get it over with.

Too bad about Lucknow, we both agree. Maybe I made a sweeping observation, but you must admit, whatever that feeling of a city is, Lahore is very close to it. There was something in being able to say, Hum Nakhlow se hen. And now people say I am a Lahori. Not the same as from Karachi, or Isloo, or Dilliwalla, or Mumbai ka, and so on. You know what I mean. BTW I am not from Lahore or Lucknow.

In Condom Country jawahara #35,
{``About the porn industry in the west: it is now a requirement that condoms have to be used and they are really rallying behind the safe sex thing. Just recently it was revealed that despite the safeguards a promiment male porn star got infected with HIV and the entire porn industry voluntarily shut down production for a couple of months. ``}

Let me put a plug for the exotic entertainment industry. Thanks to AIDS our industry has taken off. If you are afraid of HIV, but don`t want to become a total brahmacharya, then by all means patronize your neighborhood TT bar. Let me assure you that dry humpin` has never resulted in a single AIDS case. Support the cause of extremely safe sex.

Lahore ka Jughraphiah Morad #115,
{``Man you should stick to your strength (humor and wit) and do not venture into more serious stuff ``}

Excellent point janab morad sahib. I promise to follow your advice if some others promise to do the opposite - Vice Versa.

Lahore ka Jughraphiah morad #116,
{``I have read many posts referring to ZahraJ. Lahore Airport and sanitary napkins !!! This seems kind of personal?? Why is it discussed so openly ??? Whats the story !!! Can anybody please clarify ?? ``}

Please see ZahraJ`s ilog for August 18, 2004 -On being a woman! Atef then did a very funny parody on this using condoms as his subject. I suspect this gave Farzana Ji material for her condom country - reminding us all that when in doubt practice abstinence.

Morad, this was on me. Next time do your own fricking research and stop being a parasite. Other than that, you are a pretty good guy - glad I don`t go to school with you, yaar. I shouldn`t be taking my anger out on you for this post - actually it is your previous one about me eating grass - man I only smoke the stuff.

Morad #115,
{``ghaas khaa ker likhi thee kiya ``}
Nahin janab, men ne to sirf zara si ghas huqqey men dali thi. Aap ki gandh men kyon khujli ho rahi he? Kya aap bhi Lahore ke khilaf hen? I was just praising Lahore for actually preserving (in it`s own way) the Muslim aura ``thing`` that is almost indescribable. I went to Lucknow recently and found it almost vanished. Too bad - and don`t tell me that Karachi or Hyderabad deserves to be the successor of that nostalgia.

Scott #112,
{``Omar please don`t be worried about me being weak and infirm. I have a very thick skin ``}

Scott, I am glad to hear that you are not weak and infirm and have a very thick skin. Can you make the TP that you guys make and sell, under the Scott brand, as thick also? Thanks,

Zahra #109, Omar #107,108
I am impressed by your efficiency in communication. If everyone interacted like that, imagine the performance improvment on Chowk. We could cut costs in storage space, bandwidth, and processing power. In fact, Mr. Tahmed has already launched his CREIP system that can replace with classification codes the normally verbose insults hurled at Chowk.
In the future, I see us posting like this:

Zahra: Omar, 765!

Omar: Zahra, 843!

Zahra: Omar, 957!

Now if only Lahore Airport would cooperate by stocking the restrooms with oversized sanitary napkins. Then, we would have all the major issues of the world resolved.

Train to Pakistan 2004: La, Hore? Tahmed
#373,
I see what you mean. After reading Arjun`s 376 and 377 rhetoric, I am very disappointed. I thought that I had motivated him to turn the other cheek. Instead he closed the gap, took a deep breath, parted the cheeks and made a mess of out himself and everything there. I tried, but I think Arjun, in a litte more offensive manner, is afflicted with a similar obsession as Veeresh Ji, PAT, Aloo of the Bhaloo fame, and enjoys the thrashing. I used to read about people enjoying and even paying for getting a spanking, and always womdered what sort of people they were. Now I see ...

Arujun #377.
{``Unlike you, i`m not a welfare queen...``}
I believe you, my friend. Just what kind of queen are you then? You people are so misunderstood.

Arjun #377,
{``let`s not forget, a majority of pakis supported militant Islam and terrorism...``}
Another unsabstantiated outlandish and false claim - this is certainly a CREIP item for Mr. Tahmed to log.

Lahore ka Jughraphiah Freethinker ji #103,
{``Let`s not make Chowk a fish market and ``landa bazar,`` for God`s sake.``}
Your hasty remark about the fish market is causing quite a stir in Karachi. I just got a call from Mr. Salmon Machivalla, acting Barracuda at the giant Machi Bazaar. He is very upset at you comparing Chowk to a fish market. Normally, I mind my own business, but when something so blatantly wrong as what you have stated stares me in the face, I have to step in. While you have every right to express your opinion about Lahore or any other city, including Karachi, you have no right to degrade any fish market by comparing it to Chowk. Most fish markets smell better, use more polite language, and are more truthful about their products than Chowk. While a ``fish story`` usually means exaggerated boasting about one`s accomplishments, it is nothing compared to the boasting, bragging, false advertising, and outlandish claims made by some very bearish people on Chowk. I know that you have suppressed at least one post from me on this subject. Please have the decency to publish this one. Thanks,

Train to Pakistan 2004: La, Hore? arjun #367,
{``Prophet tahmed(pbuy)..you keep saying you`ve got nothing to say to me and yet you keep commenting on my posts.. ``}

Arjun, let me step in. You do have a good point. I see this as a sign of affection. I think that he has let you know in many subtle ways that he misses interacting with you directly. He never forgets to include you in his list of ``favorite Indians.`` I know that you too hold him in very high regard.

Do me a favor, get it out in the open. Show your positive intentions. Register in some charm classes, pick up French while you are at it, learn some good Punjabi phrases from Kaurasach (he offers free courses on UP), post some e-flowers, and offer some e-sawayyaan.

Stop irritating him with fabricated tales of mythical Indian superiority in space, cars, tourism, and technology. During the Olympics, we all saw Mr. Tahmed cheering for anything brown, even India, to succeed. Who do you think coached the great Rajput from Rajasthan, Col. Rathore, in shooting straight? I have heard that Mr. Tahmed replaced the bullseye targets with pictures of Mr. Advani for some reason, and the then Maj. Rathore never looked back, he hit every target that had LKA`s face on it.

Take my advice and make up. Good luck to you. Remember there is an aura of peace on Chowk - Gujju and Kaura, Kaura and Nikki, and myself and too many folks to list.

Lahore ka Jughraphiah Omar #73,
{``and where is kkkandk when one needs him ? where?? ``}
I am sorry Omar, I was changing into my KKKandK outfit in the phone booth thread. As I may have told you on UP, I do send out my sheets to be washed on a regular basis. Unlike Veerish Ji, I can`t keep wearing the same white sheets as he wears the same brown dhoti. What did you say? His dhoti is supposed to be white? It sure looks brown to me. Well so much for hygiene.

You guys are having a full-fledged party and didn`t invite me. If atif had not posted an alert on UP, I would have been totally ignorant of this great assemblage. Look like, I missed the whole event, Veeresh Ji, our friend of the aloo from the bhaloo fame, is thoroughly immersed here too.

I have been to Lahore only three times in my life and absolutely love that city. Without comparing to other cities, and I have been to numerous cities, I find Lahore very interesting and enjoyable. Of course, without getting into any trouble, I would say that it is the only Mughal city Pakistan got in the unfair feat called ``Partition.`` I have visited Shahi Fort, Badshahi Mosque, Jahangir`s tomb, and even the actual graves down below of both mother and daughter - Nur Jahan and Ladli Begum, by the river. As you can guess, I am a Mughal buff and love that period of Indian history.

Lahore is beautiful, its people as lively, good-looking, and hospitable as the city itself. From a Mohajir`s point of view, it almost makes up for the loss of Delhi, Agra, Lucknow, Fatehpur Sikri, and Sikandria. I don`t speak Punjabi and got around the place without any problems. Almost everyone is fluent in Urdu and many people speak English. I know that before partition, Lahore was considered the most desirable big city in ``Injaa.`` While most things deteriorate, it is refreshing to note the preservation and progress in the case of Lahore.

Veeresh Ji, enjoy the city. Don`t compare with other cities. You know the song:
``When you are not with the one you love, love the one you are with.``

Lahore ka Jughraphiah I think what is happening is that Lahore has taken over from Lucknow the mantle of Muslim culture in South Asia. That high state of culture, poetry, language, food, and civilization, that inevitably becomes the hallmark of only certain fortunate cities, and the envy of most others, has been attained by Lahore. It has to do with how you feel about your city, how you dress, how you care for its streets and buildings, its festivals and food. It means how you talk to each other and how you use language.

If Delhi lost out to Lucknow in the early 1800s, and Lucknow became the victim of Partition, Lahore became the magnet for that intangible thing called ``civilized behavior.`` Bombay, Calcutta, and Karachi never had it. Aligarh tried but unsuccessfully. Delhi lost it a long time ago, and it is now almost gone from Lucknow. Let`s be happy that this precious ``thing`` has been preserved by Lahore and Lahoris - in their own inimitable way.

Train to Pakistan 2004: La, Hore? HP #365,
{``On my personal request, could you please go easy on Arjum_m?``}

HP, due to the high regard we all have for you, your friend Arjun has received extraordinarily tame treatment. We know that you would never have used sifarish unless you cared so much for this highly humorous comedian. At the moment, on this sacred day, we are totally focussed on PAT, that adorable shikari of the bhaloo fame, our own aaloo of the bhaloo, the bichoo of the choo choo, the AWE of the RAW, the smart alleck called malek. the veeresh with the bear fetish. Talk about potential nicks - Veeresh, mog, BhalooShikari, Bhaloowalla, NotJustForHunting, and so on. We love them both so much, that Mr. Tahmed is ordering two pairs of custom jet-powered high-heeled, platform one-toe chappals for both of them.

rajsinghi #366,
{````That statement is applicable to all other countries. We all know about jingoistic and self-centered Indians.`` Kindly assist me in understanding above two separate (spl?) statements.``}

Arey raj bhayya, I think you didn`t get the rest of the post. I said that we already know about the Indians` jingoism, then I list examples of other countries, such as American, French, Russian, Arab, and implied so on:

A plane crashed on Mt. Kilamanjaro. All 85 people on board died - Thankfully, no American was hurt.
The French people have a high regard for all human beings - Africa begins at the Pyerennees.
The noble Russian soldiers eliminated all the low-life Chechen vermin. Chechenya is an integral part of Russia.
The population of Kuwait is approximately 1.5 million human beings. This does not include the 300,000 immigrants from South Asia.

In other words, jingoism is bad whether it is Indian, American, French, Russian, or Arab. I also implied in the rest of the post, that Pakistanis suffer from the reverse disease - self-flagellation. Instead of boasting, Pakis tend to be critical of everything Pakistani.

I love explaining English to our foreign visitors. It`s like God`s work.

Train to Pakistan 2004: La, Hore? tahmed #363,
``Platform One-Toe Chappals`` Monsieur, you are getting too many laughs from me just on one topic. How many variations of this one-toe chappal do you have? You have more material about one-toe chappals than Veeresh Ji has monologues about choo choos. That`s a lot of mileage from basically an ill-conceived form of sandals.

Now platform one-toe chappals will give arjun the height he needs (as long as we keep him under 6`3``!), but the jet-powered option will either have to be removed or transplanted. For both Arjun and Veeresh Ji, we can have the platform one-toe chappals modified with the jets placed approximately half-way up their torsos, in their recti. This model will be more expensive, but will save in the long run due to proximity of abundant fuel supply.