The Color Yellow

#15 And I am gald at least you commented on `the` story and its layout ;) If anybody is going to benefit from these comments, it`s me. As for the simpler words bit, since the day I bought unlimited fast access to the internet and got familiarised with www.dictionary/thesaurus.reference.com at the same time, I just can`t get my hands off it, if you know what i mean. ;)

#16 khammy, children in Pakistan have started maturing a tad too quickly since the day you left. Perhaps you were the last specimen of the case that preceded. :D

Thanks aimie and burpi for your kind remarks.

Please sign this petition. Islamic fundamentalism epidemic has killed far too many people and gone on for a few centuries too many without decent humans doing something about it. Now is your chance. The next step will be for the UN to push all Islamic countries to legistlate these into their respective constitutions, or face sanctions.


MUSLIM MANIFESTO: Like men, women should have the right to decide how they will live, dress, travel, marry and divorce; if they do not enjoy these rights, they are clearly second-class citizens.

MUSLIM MANIFESTO: All critiques of Islam should be countered not by threats and violence, but by rational counter-argument

MUSLIM MANIFESTO: We strongly denounce anti-Semitism. We accept Israel`s right to exist.

MUSLIM MANIFESTO: We accept the legitimacy of the secular state and the secular law. Islamic law, or sharia, was developed at a time when Muslims were living in homogenous communities. In the modern world, virtually all societies are pluralistic, consisting of different faiths and of different perceptions of each faith, including Islam. In this pluralistic setting, a legal system based on a particular version of a single religion cannot be imposed on all citizens.

MUSLIM MANIFESTO: We support and cherish democracy — not because we reject the sovereignty of the Almighty over people, but because we believe that this sovereignty is manifested in the general will of people in a democratic and pluralistic society. We do not accept theocratic rule

MUSLIM MANIFESTO: we cherish religious liberty. Every human has the right to believe or not to believe in Islam or in any other religion All Muslims furthermore have the right to reject and change their religion if desired

Read the complete manifesto and sign the petition here:
http://www.nationalreview.com/comment/akyol_baran200603010816.asp

shoby mate...
i am yet to see a three year old poor child who knows about a mercedes and it`s consumption...he must have been an angel in disguise on a mission looking for good muslims ...



ps: leave raw-dust alone...he is a mujzoob...who chants...ana`l haq...all the times...;))

Shobig, I am glad you took my comments in the right spirit. (I have been chided for telling new writers ``how to write`` - which is clearly a misnomer (all I try to do is to give my feedback as a reader how I would have liked it.))

Needless to say, your spider piece earlier was VERY funny and I hope you would keep working along those lines, too. (But use simpler words, please!)

Re: # 12 Hi bj. Alrite, lets take it one by one...

1)What`s the boy`s chief beef? hmmm...it could be all of the ones you mentioned, but I wanted to keep the role-play of `fate` as far aside as possible...and concentrate only on the `human` bit...that means here, his chief beef in your words would be `born in this day and age when capitalism rules and that too in a thirld world country. Must admit, I am actually happy you stumbled upon the notion of anti-capitalism buried deep in there!

2)the idea of having questions but no dreams wasn`t my idea at all. It`s just how it happened to be with the boy. At his age and with his plight, he couldn`t afford to look beyond rags and a chunk of bread, let alone dream! But derision from dreams on account of being over-occupied by questions although might be, as we scientists put it, a sufficient condition, but it ain`t necessary.

3) I duely and humbly buy your arguement that fusing narration with dialogue wasn`t a very good idea after all . Consider it an experiment which I would try to avoid in case I venture to write in future.(ref: #6 :) )

4) the boy was three...he was, and that is why after listening to all his questions I had a feeling that he had outgrown his age! Also, it is not an actual dialogue, so although the kid under question was only three years old, I might be foreboding as to what sort of questions he will be asking in a few years time when his conscious has developed enough to realise that there is certainly something wrong with this world.

5) the last paragraph...i`d again refer to my #6...it was supposed to be a scrutiny of our current social norms and a mockery at the system ...rather than pure fiction, that is why I thought it must have been categorized under society and not fiction! Had I made no conclusion, people would have jumped to all sorts of entirely uncalled for ones like the one in 8, which they have all the liberty to do, but I had to put across my intention behind writing the story somehow!

I really appreciate your detailed analysis nevertheless. Thanks for that and for musturing up the courage to read it a second time and then admitting it!

best

from the story: ``Him: Why was I born here, and granted such a despicable life? ``

Example above can be taken as Allah Mian pertaining stuff. Although, i reserve my right to bash Allah Mian three times a day everyday for no reason at all.

I admit, i missed the age of the kid but his questions did have direct implications to Jabr ul Qadar.

``Hope I addressed you concerns adequately. I do, however, fully understand that coming from a presumably Muslim background,``

It is just a matter of choice, i.e., to believe or not to believe.

burpinder:
if you dig this kind of mellow-yellow writings, i`d suggest Ashfaq Ahmed`s short-writings, it gets competently done at places although the mythology that sustains his work is pretty boring.

#10 ShowBigSifar

Okay, I admit it (and I say this with some trepidation), I read this one a second time. Unfortunately, I am still a bit confounded and I get little insight into your thinking.

What is the “boy’s” chief beef? Being born poor, or born in Pakistan, or born in this day and age when capitalism rules, or born when things are so fluid because the transition gives people so little to anchor into?

When everything is said and done, there is a good degree of randomness to all our lives. Individual faith is just an attempt to shape it better and get more motive power out of it. And cruel as it may sound – most people place more emphasis on what is of value to them as individuals in those daily lives – never on those who are on the peripheries – therefore to the industrialist, his dog counts a lot more than the mendicant kid.

Exceptions are few.

The idea of having questions but no dreams is absolutely contradictory – dreamers always ask questions, because they are not happy with the status-quo – the rest are the condemned lot.

Regarding the writing itself, I think the structure could have used some streamlining. People lose continuity when faced with a long paragraph followed by dialogs followed by another long paragraph of text – why not shape the whole thing simply as a dialog script which would probably have read better?

You miss out on the simple detail that poor little boys of three – even the smart ones – may have difficulty coming up with complicated thoughts and phrases, it is a matter of undeveloped vocabulary, not to mention the fact that their understanding of the world is very limited – little time, you see. They do not ask of sin and justice and the whole nine yards.

I also wish you had left out the last paragraph – perhaps allowing the reader to think things through himself/herself. (You did not, by any chance, assume that the huddled masses here are lacking in the imagination department or in their ability to connect the dots?) For me, point-blank conclusions have a ruinous effect on the whole thought process.

PS: You need to be careful before you call somebody a “paajee” – the term has a derogatory meaning too (scoundrel, that is) and for all I know, perhaps violates some chowk guidelines.

PPS: Do you specialize in coming up with long, unheard-of words which nobody uses – all ending with “phobia”?

So typical that on chowk people come across a story like this and quibble about red-yelllow-green and what not.
Nicely done big shoe, next time you could probably spend a little time editing before submission, but nice nevertheless.

#8 well well, raw paa ji, I did deserve some words of gratitude there, didn`t I? After all, it`s not every day that someone would provide you with a much sought after opportunity to diss and bash Allah - or Islam/Muslas/Mohammad/Koran/religion/faith -for that matter, particularly on a board only remotely related to the question of faith. And you say I got no balls? :(

Religion becomes a toy only for people like you and me...people belonging to the so called higher-class of the society from a monetary or educational point of view...ones who are fortunate enough to be able to `choose` and `experiment`. A poor little boy of three, would desperately need someone to vent his anger and frustration on, someone to curse and complain to for all his shortcomings, or someone to look up to. That`s exactly what he is doing in the story/narration, as nonchalant he is to the `aafaaqi questions` you allege him of asking as he could be . He is just, but oblivious of the idea of choice, not that it matters to him anyway.

And speaking of contentment, that word`s long been obliterated from the human dictionary, especially in our society. People laying claims like the one you did from the comfort of their cozy bedrooms need to take a hike down the countryside and socialize more often with the hoi-polloi. And had you bothered to look deep into the questions of the poor kid (which i must say, much to his dismay, if went unheard or undeciphered even on this board of self-proclaimed intellectuals of the society, how could he expect the common man-in-the-street to pay a heed?), they weren`t directed towards Allah apart from the first couple and those too as a sort of mockery, but were actually supposed to be castigating the injustice and ` lack of contentment` prevailing and ameliorating in the society.

Hope I addressed you concerns adequately. I do, however, fully understand that coming from a presumably Muslim background, it should really feel good and relieving to emancipate yourself of religion, and ergo, of all viabilities and restrictions associated with it, but hey hypengyophobia is as bad as any other phobia, and all phobias must be gotten rid of.

And the song`s cool, Coldplay happens to be one of may favorites too. btw don`t you think `in my place, were lines i couldn`t replace` would also fit well in the context of the boy`s despondence and his queries? thanks. :)

Re: # 4

On your techinical point, in Pakistan, its both ways

Green - yellow - red
and red - yellow - green.

narrator should have had some balls and had asked these questions directly to Allah Mian after seeing the manifestations of Him being All Merciful around him... but No!. he turned out to be a what? well sissy?.. anyways.. so what would you do when you are scared shitless.. you fight your war by proxy so he`d put all these dilemmas biting him somewhere in the netherlands into the mouth of a poor, hapless character who if one had met one of them in real life... will know, that apart from their visceral misery, have very little concern about these Afaaqi questions.. most of the time your average paan waala, bhikaari, gadha gaarri wala or motormechanic will be very content with their chai-ki-pyalis by day and thurra by night routine and couldnt care less about Jabr-ul-Qadar.. but alas!... here one specimen was caught a victim of the massive ego of a bored, well-fed schmuck who in any case was (as i said, did i say that already?) scared shitless...

just to even things out a bit.. i`d think coldplay verbalized the things for our narrator a bit better... a touch cheesy and melodramatic but that`s why it would fit in here so well, me thinks... here it goes.. (napkins handy, everybody!)


Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow,

I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn
Oh all the things I`ve done
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D`you know you know I love you so
You know I love you so

I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh all the things you do
Cause you were all yellow

I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D`you know for you i bleed myself dry
For you i bleed myself dry

Its true look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine
look at the stars look how they shine for you

well written! each time i go to either pakistan or suadi arabia and see young children on the street begging for money and food i wonder what there future would be. we sit each day in our homes thinking that we have not done well in an exam or an assignment and assess the consequence of our mistake. we should be thankful that we lead a comfortable life despite our hurdles and difficulties. there are merely obstacles that we have to overcome who shape who we are and each one of us take it differently. i know for sure i take it to the extreme, but that is a different topic!

however big shoe, well written, and now stop harrassing me with those phone calls now that i have read your article! :@

First of all I would like to mention how indebted I feel to the esteemed chowk-staff for publishing this piece of absolute gibberish and bull-crap, after merely a month`s wait, and that too in this highly coveted `fishy-tank (thanks to Amrita) which would undoubtedly attract anypasser-by`s eye a lot more than an article listed on top ...and not to forget how insightful they have been by listing it under the category `fiction`, and not `society`, which i feared it would fall under and that would have been so utterly derogatory!

Secondly, I would like to thank bjkumar, sameena, nadeem, kalihawa and subroto for not only dropping by taking the pains of reading this `piece of absolute gibberish and bull-crap`.

Big questions here. What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? What is our purpose in the world? Why do they charge extra for additional toppings on pizza?
I could have clicked anywhere....but this was good.

One technical point. Signal doesn`t turn green after yellow, it is the other way round.

God is merely a probability. If you throw marbles, one or two may drop in pit rest will scatter. I would have preferred that conversation with an old man rather than a boy.

THE COLOUR YELLOW-A factual exhibition of impatience extent of patience as soon as fleeting phases encompass our spheres of lives, an insignia of saying something in between YES and NO,
THE COLOUR RED-A silent decisive mode to cater thoughts establishing outlook towards life in any ways,
THE COLOUR GREEN-WAR is ON!!!

Nice quite often observed, if observed, conversation going on during quite stable phase of life before the rhythm was suddenly shattered by the “To Get Ready” frame. Hi chap, do you remember Amjad Islam Amjad,
Zindagee Bhee Mehngee Hay, Mout Bhee Naheen Sustee

Keep it up!!! Feeling sleepy :), you can imagine, badly drunk.......oops