Curse of Arranged or Forced Marriages

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urstruly and hamidm: I see that you are still calling for a War of the Kanjaroon vs. Havayoon. In this connection, please give further consideration to my humble suggestion that you uphold the ancient tradition whereby opposing armies would put forward their Mightiest Warriors (known in ancient Aramaic as "suckers") who would then fight to the death. This way, only one life is lost, instead of thousands and in the end it doesnt matter which side wins anyway.

Re: # 86

urstruly mian,

... no mian ji, i am not bitter at all ..... all is fair in this war between the kanjaroon and the havayoon - compared to the beheadings, suicide bombings and other nasty stuff, labels like 'kameena kafir kanjar' is mild stuff ........ we all know that it is part of the lexicon of jihad ......

.... to show that there are no hard feelings, i will still buy you all the shirley temples you can drink if you show up at our usual rendezvous ........

Re: # 84

you are still bitter

Re: # 80

SR mian,

.... i would advise you against making common cause with captain clueless - he is an ill wind, even when he is not passing it .....

Re: # 82

urstruly,

... good try, but i really don't get it .....where is the punch line ?

....and i don't understand why you had to go this rigmarole just so that you you could call me 'kameena' ..... you are more than welcome to call me 'kameena kafir kanjar' if you want to - it has a nice ring to it, rolls right off the tongue ! .... as you know, i hold the kanjars and kafirs in great esteem (with the exception of bjkumar who has once again insulted me by insinuating that i might be your brother-in-law)

#82 urstruly miaN

Please stop making insinuations regarding your own brother-in-law!

Hamidm's Arranged Marriage

When hamidm's parents proposed a girl to hamidm for a bride, he insisted on seeing and meeting the girl first. In those days it was unheard of but after much insistence on part of hamidm's parents the girls parents agreed to arrange a short meeting between the two. Hamidm was told to come at girls house the next day. He couldn't sleep the whole night. The next morning he put on his best Tetron suite and went to work. His plan was to stop by at girl's house after work. In those days he used to work as a shipping and receiving clerk in a factory. At the end of the shift when most of the crew left Hamidm decided to "dry clean" his suit before he leaving. He had seen many laborers dip their cotton coveralls in the acetone tubs for cleaning, while supervisors were not around. So at the end of the shift when most of the people were gone he took off his Tetron pants first and holding it at the belt dipped them in the tub. The acetone dissolved the Tetron instantaneously leaving hamidm holding just the belt part of the pants. Hamidm was left with a half of suit and an underwear now. Not only that Hamidm was already getting late, he also couldn't get the face of his would-be brother-in-law, Jabroo's face out of his mind; who a day earlier shook his bald head, which was thinner than his neck, and told hamidm to "be on time". A night watchman found naked hamidm on the shop-floor cussing God for his misery and offered a dhotti. Hamidm gladly put on dhotti and paddled his bike ferociously towards would-be Mrs. Hamidm's house.

Upon his arrival he lied to his would-be mother in law that he was wearing dhotti under the suite because he had to stop by for namaz. And as a pre-emption to the question about his dhoti under the suit he said that moulvi sahib had earlier told him that namaz was not accepted by God if offered in fart-restrictors.

To cut the story short hamidm was sat in the drawing room and the would-be Mrs. Hamidm was sent in a little while later. She sat in front of him on the other sofa. Knowing that the mother in law and Jabroo were outside the door both were very quite. After a little while hamidm broke the ice and mumbled "aapka naam kia hai ji?" (What is your good name please)?"

Mrs. Hamidm was already getting disappointed in that geek in dhoti and suit. She rolled up her eyes and said "Meena".

Then several moments passed by in uncomfortable silence. Hamidm was already on the edge thinking that so far he hadn't been able to leave a good impression on the girl. He felt little relieved when he heard girl's voice asking him his name. Hamidm thought he should say something smart and snazzy or he would never be able to earn the respect of that girl. He never liked his name hamidm because even at this age he was known as "Meeda Nalli" in his mohalla. That name '"nalli" stuck with him because he had a perpetually runny nose which he kept on wiping with the cuff of his shirt until very well into his late teenage years. He occasionally would curse God for his eternal misery of a runny nose too.

Anyway the best reply that hamidm could figure out to answer the question about his name was "Kameena".

Hamidm congratulated himself for thinking such a brilliant response that rhymed with girls name Meena.

Mrs. Hamidm was first taken aback by this unexpected response but finally she managed to say "Shakal se tou nahiN lagte aap".

"Achcha zara apne saath sofay par bitha kar tou dekhian" hamidm chimed in his snappy response.

To this day hamidm is bitter because after he said that, Jabroo walked in.

SR: I assume that you were looking at the mirror when writing this.

Re: # 76 ["...i think the reason women passed you by was due to your personality..."]

Commone Romair... don't pussy-foot around and give it to him like you should... FCUK this PERSONALITY bullchit.. Tell him the real reason... tell him because he is a short and ugly, fat old ass, and because he slurps and eats with his mouth open while he picks his nose, belches and farts. Besides he has smelly feet and oily pate and he spits while talking and, yes, those tetron trousers no longer fit him... Come on now say it now. The truth can only liberate you...

...SR

bulleya: OK, thanks for your tips on how to try and attain your magnetic personality.

Next question: What is the secret of you incredible analytical abilities whereby you can determine geo-strategic developments with such accuracy?

I see you have also provided your expert politico-cultural-legal advice on US immigration even before I asked, and indeed even though I dont even know I have a problem-o!! Such anticipation!! But then, you are not known as Raja Nostrodamus for nothing!!

Who still gets married via arrnagements? that is like so 70's

Who still gets married via arrnagements? that is like so 70's

tahmad #: "they did not notice my magnetic personality.....Do you think if I wore a Pakistani t-shirt things would have been different?..."

..i think the reason women passed you by was due to your personality......it maybe magnetic, however the poles are pointed the wrong way, hence it repels.....you need to work on it.......

wearing a pakistani t-shirt would be a good idea, if you are concerned about immigration and being treated as, "one of the good guys" in the usa.....since 9/11, a pakistani t-shirt is a good prospect.......however, it will not hold once musharraf is gone....but uptil now, you should go ahead and wear it....i remember giving this advice to someone earlier......and it has turned out to be quite valid...

for you, in case of women, i am afraid even a pakistanit t-shirt will not help.......as they say, app kou dawa kee nayin, dua ki zaroorat hae.......

p.s. you may want to contact the resident desi julio iglesias....he may be able to help......

bulleya #71: Like you, I too used to be approached by women everywhere I went - in the library, at the cafeteria, in restaurants, classrooms, office corridors!! They used to come on to me just like paper clips to a magnet!!

Only difference between you and me of course is, that in my case they simply kept on walking pretending (obviously) that they did not notice my magnetic personality. :-(

Do you think if I wore a Pakistani t-shirt things would have been different?

hamidm mian #: "....in addition to being a political pundit, military strategist, international businessman, infotech guru, serial entrepeneur and grand poohbah, captain clueless, aka field marshal romair, is also a galavanting gigolo !!!!..."

.....as usual, you are far far too kind in your assessment of my accomplishments.......as mike myers said to steven tyler in wayne's world 2....i am not worthy! i am not worthy!....

"..... well, tie me down and beat me with a wet noodle! ...."

....if i had a five ruppee note for every time a lady said this to me, i would have enough money to hire your sprinkler guy.......