Bookstore Lessons

Adil and Bina -

It`s not about not getting Bina`s point - i think we all kind of understood what she was getting at. I think we are all just trying to prod her to say it more clearly. If that kind of unambiguous statement is not the effect she is aiming for, that`s fine. But at the same time, if she wants to leave the article`s message as one that reflects her own confusion, perhaps ending the article on ``...wondering if i had done the right thing,`` would be better. The last paragraph unnecessarily sets up an expectation in the reader`s head and then frustrates it.

Even without that last disappointing paragraph, the reader is just as likely to mull over the message of the piece - and with less of a sense of abruptness too.

Adil, we are not shortsighted, as you seem to think - we are merely trying to provide some critical feedback to help improve a good piece of writing into a great piece of writing. After all, these replies can serve just as well as a forum for peer editing. All of us can benefit from feedback telling us which of our writing devices work to convey the effects we are aiming for, and which of them don`t.

Nice piece of work, Bina! I am very disappointed at some of the replies from people who `apparently` didn`t understand what you were getting at. Had the article been about sex (as quite a few of them on Chowk are) or had it been about Islam-bashing, then most of these critics would probably have been heaping praise on the author for remarkable insight and brilliant penmanship.

Your article was refreshingly simple, it had a moral and it made the reader think. Keep it up.

Just adding my voice to the chorus here - i liked it a lot, but what exactly is the lesson you think they learned? And what could be the brother`s motivation for teaching them this lesson? Why did you listen to the brother?

I`d love to see a longer version of this.

hey, now!!!

I liked the piece, but I do agree with Zehra- a bit.

It has lots of potential, and we were left with only a morsel of the piece of cake we were hoping to devour.

Your pieces often cling to me like undigested food, that I soemtimes need to replay in my mind over and over again. in other words, it leaves an impression, not a bad one nor a good one, just one at least. *smile *

Bina,

A very nice vignette. After my first read, I, too, was a bit perplexed as to the lesson/moral of the story, but then I realized that you might want the reader to experience the same sense of confusion and uncertainty that you felt when deciding the buy the book or not.

My two cents about the lesson the older brother wanted to teach his two

siblings:

1. You can`t always get what you want.

2. Don`t learn to expect charity from

strangers.

Am I way off base? What do others

think?

Bina,

i love your work :)))

this sucked :)

i mean..yes it was nice to see what you had done and all of us are seized by these impulses on a day to day basis..BUT is that enough to base THIS piece of literature on? Your story was great and the idea behind it is great but it really is not enough to just tell us what you did one fine day. im surprised the chowk staff did not ask you to add to it or edit the material. it has great potential. it just really leaves the reader empty and turning your story upside down looking to perhaps get the last drops out of it somehow.

sorry bout that..just my two cents.

z.rizvi.

As usual, an interesting piece.

But, God, I must be a fool. What exactly is that lesson they learned Bina?

:I realized that the lesson the man had taught :his younger brothers that day was far more :valuable than the money it would have cost to :buy them those books

Actually, maybe its best left unsaid?