My Ode to Rishtay

enlightening...arent all men scumbags....heheh

wish u`d find the ONE...but i guess the mind set of a liberated muslim ( read amoral ) these days is to search for the perfect which never will come.....

good luck

Allah haafiz

great to know there are other open minded Pakistani women out there. For years I have felt so alone. God knows how many Pakistani men I have scared off! Ashee

Wery well written article. Chowk is indeed blessed with quality writers!!

Abbas.

Quite moving, i think i will write about my failed ``arranged`` marriage to an ABCD, maybe you will like getting the other side perspective on rishtas.

Assalamoalaykum Arshiya,

Nice piece of work ... very fluid, yet packing interesting observations. I`d like to know a bit more about you, may be tell you a bit about myself i.e. if you feel interested. My email is:

eraser28@excite.com

Do keep writing. You have a non-offending, pleasant style. I`d like to see more of that.

take care,

Ehtisham.

Arshiya,

Thanks for the gesture. It meant a lot to me. :)

Keep writing.

-!Kamran!-

Good Day, Mr. Baker!

See you on some other topic discussion.

Regards

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I think things are being taken far seriously than they should be. In light of my above statement, I will like to conclude the discussion on issues of Iqbal`s Shaheen(s), Murdae Momins, Wajoodae Zun and all the other deep thoughts. Though my inclinations to stick to the initial quote is still there:

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Mr. Baker or Bakery:

With due respects, I would like to thank you for your kind wishes.

I have Ayut-ul-Kursee and Surah Naas and Faluq on my finger tips. So hope that lessens your concerns for the dream vs nightmare myth.

Apparently there is no glass ceiling for folks with vision. When Iqbal could provide guidance to the Murdae Momin by his verses and they did not use them on time and appropriately then ``Sunfae Nazuk`` need to come forward and start acting on:

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Mr. Baker:

I am assuming you have very politely agreed with the forceful thoughts I have cared to jot down. So kind of you :-)!

I have not read any of your sermons(double meaning English word)anywhere, will do so based on the Faraghut (Easy Urdu Word).

Allah Baili(Easy Punjabi Word)

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Dear Mr. Baker:

Hello! Not to prove you wrong and myself right, I will just politely say that my views are different from yours. I would have cared to convince when I was in my teens and would chalk out next ten years strategy. At that time, if I was given a jolt that wake up Dreams Never Come True. I would have resented a lot.

I have passed those ten years already and have achieved what I dreamt of so when I find people who will not add to my perception of life anything except their traditional views, I simply do not care to convince.

Men will remain men and women will remain women.

Women may climb the corporate ladder high enough but they will still remain women. I personally feel that just because a woman tries to climb a ladder she is peceived a threat. Well, if that competition is based on her intellect or work that is justified but it is perceived as gender competition. That is where misunderstandings begin.

Lastly, it has been my observation that folks who have marriages based on mental compatibility and same intellectual wavelength have higher chances of having harmony in life than the fools who marry because God has created women to reproduce.

Take Care

Note: I was assuming that you will get help from your better half on the words and their meanings. I thought you said somewhere that both of you complement each other where one is weak the other will provide the strength. Well,let me take a guess here probably you meant if a wife cannot carry a heavy laundry basket then the husband should carry it. She can put the clothes in the machine. Probably that was your example of complementing each other ???

Anyway, views are views!

After reading Arshiya`s article I remember my

own article on ``Relationships`` which was written

to explain rather psychological reasoning for

forming a relationship. Lightly speaking, a relationship `evolves`.

It starts from interpersonnel attraction, grows into interactions, enriches with self-exposure and at maturity changes into a relationship. Most of the time we loop-back just from interaction stage and restart to look

forward for someone we feel attractive. And you are lucky enough if you find that opportunity as ``there is no decision-making if there is no choice``.

It is like finding the other half

of a dollar-bill out of many `other halves`

and one is even lucky if one finds enough of em.

Otherwise they try to complete it

with the closest match, which apparently completes

the piece of paper but was never part of it.

I agree with Arshiya that unfortunately some of us

are forced to bypass the initial process and

directly jump into starting a relationship

by `Rishta`..and then after they are exposed to

each other, they come to know how much they

are incompatible.

We all eventually learn something from this gamble.

I learned one thing deeply involved ``potential to change through learning``.

This change should be two-folded so that outcome is for both. If A changes for B or

B changes for A, I call it compromise, but if change is such that outcome is shared

by both, it is a relationship.

It requires flexibility to adapt, which requires honesty, not possible without motivation,

and to find sources of motivation requires creativity.

The principles of relationships could be good for study but after all, it is an art…

Choosing the right colors to paint your future is as much important as each

stroke of brush. An over-coat on a wrong stroke does not mean that it is not there underneath…!

Nadeem Zahid