San Diego Warming’

Mohtarma Rizwana
just was searching for san diego on this site and found your article, if you are here, or would ever visit, I would very much Like to communicate with you.
my profile is under ``chwaqas`` and nowadays under ``gymkhana``.
thanks.

Welcome to Chowk, Rizwana!

Interesting themes and conversational threads.

A great begining opus and for a future encore, I would suggest a keen eye for typographical errors and a ruthless editing style for cutting excess words and a strict attention to sentence structure.

The more you can say in less, the better your prose will be and the more effective it will in holding a reader`s attention.


Keep writing! You will get better; writing is wine, it ages and improves with age!

Best O` Luck!

The author needs to proof-read and improve his/her writing. The sentence constructions are unnecessarily complex. The grammar is faulty as well in some cases. Keep writing to improve.

Rizwana:

Welcome to Chowk.

This was off the beaten path. Not one person named. Yet the intererst held, almost. Nice blend of Independence Day, idyllic settings and basement slumber.

I said almost, because after the third typo, I tend to lose interest rapidly.

While there were some beautiful, original lines, there were a lot more like these that were unnecessarliy complex, hindering the flow of narration. And the dig at Sardarjis was not necessary. Even if this was an intentional style it did not work for me. Keep writing,

regards,



---``I just wanted to senior brother from going out of control.``

---`` Any mention of the worldly affairs resulted in dense network of visual effects convened into energetic hand motion and bright red faces from the hiked up the blood pressures to dangerous levels.``

---``Scratching the thatch of flyaway snow-white hair, the host`s father, a retired cardiologist, known to present an appropriate poetic verse utilized to avoid serious confrontations, ice breaking and, also, mere entertainment purposes began the discussion uppermost on his mind.``

---``Obviously unfamiliar with the protocol of courtesy from her point of origin, she relentlessly whining the loudest insisted to wake up the rest of the tired public.``

---`` Some of the bottles the host coming back from the sightseeing of the Indian reservation after guessing, a direct attribute to living with the same person in a wedding bliss, by sighting the Vons strewn plastic bags with full soda bottles that it must be his wife as Vons was her grocery stop.``

end quotes