The Shah of Chicago II

verrrry nicely done

waiting still....

its a bit like Stephen King`s series on the Dark Tower...each part comes out every 2-3 years.... my only worry is that he might die before the story is done...well u see the overt analogy there dont you?

cheers

Interesting Story!

Seems to me as if the story had some underworld connections.

Ha ha .... the immigration bit was hilarious !Also no socks on the feet .... and everyone noticing it in Pakistan !even the immigration officer ! Brilliant !

Eagerly awaiting the next episode !Hope Jack meets some interesting girl at the party , who will change his life ... again !

sa:)

Ajnabi:

oh well, ok...

waiting...

-Hana

Hana,

not up to me unfortunately...it is the dear gatekeepers at chowk...the chowkidars that regulate this stuff.

Hopefully soon!

AJ

why do we have to wait for the next chapter????

[whine]

-Hana

Is it me or does this remind anyone else a lot of Mohsin Hamid`s Moth Smoke?

HN,

well said. trust no one`s juggular is the worse for wear yet!

But as said earlier - this is too interesting to be read over teh weeks. waiting ...

aicha

A J Nabi,

Wanted to just tell you something that has been done several times before.

Just do it.

Writing is, as Marquez said, the world`s loneliest job. You have set upon something...finish it. As you see your interactors will increase with aquired taste.

Just a dot of advice...do not go for anybody`s jugular on this board. There is some good advice available...mostly encouraging responses...and an occassional pisspot...remain calm. remember when all this is over...it will be your name that will be on a book...the interactions are hardly going to make it to ``The Oxford Anthology of Best Critiques.``

There are enough things in your pieces that suggest coherence, occassional sharpness..and a direction. Excellent signs on a long journey.

Good Luck.

SaadPAslam,

Could be both in this case, though, I believe it is the former. should you read on, you tell me what you think it is.

perfidy,

its already posted with chowkwale...thanks for your encouragement

with a little editing help from temporal? why? who cares? it reads just fine.

bring it on...

In which city you were born, sir?’

‘This sh *t hole.’ Beyond the black tarmac strip lay dry fields, low boxy buildings covered

with Urdu advertisements and a few scraggly trees, their leaves brown and

heavy with dust. Ugly. No other word for it. Just plain, butt ugly.

........hasn`t jacko boy here ever been to the ghettos of chicago?

dear readers,

i sense an interest in this story so I beg you to read on (I`ll have more posted soon, inshallah). For those who are wondering about shoes and feet and whether they are on the appropriate appendage I can only say, please read on and also, please note a difference between creater and creation.

temporal: i`ll get in touch with you soon.

``Ugliness and ignorance. Very reason I left this shithole country to begin with.``

My sentiments exactly! but do you believe this really represents hatred for the country or dispassion about the way it is.

..... i don`t know why, but i like it ........ so what happened next ?........... with a little editing help from temporal this could be a pretty good book ....

.........looking forward to the next chapter