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Re: # 34. dear i wana to know abt u n ur personolity would u like to e-mail me. my e-mail is drgmlochi@yahoo.com

Shandana,

I was going to say nananananaaanaaa! to the other interactors but I was too busy too and then thought twice about it....:)

I`ve read a few poems by Bukowski Sahib, two funny ones and a few stories...if you`ve any poem to recommend, I`m all eyes...have you read some of the feminist theory out there written by women intellectuals/artists who are mothers as well? If youre interested, I`ll pass on a few names and titles...they blew my mind last year, and I wasnt writing the kind of work you are. Also your work reminds me of cyber sci-fi- so you are straddling several genres...more on that later...
Be well!

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adnan_rafiq:


(I must say that I admire your courage. I have come this close to packing my bags and leaving for Pakistan in the past, but then got cold feet and decided to stay in my cubicle of comfort. It seems like there`s a never-ending sequence of events and people who are conspiring against my will to return. Folks back home look at me like I have a bomb strapped to my belly every time I bring up this topic. They think I`m a delusional fool to even consider moving back. ``Look at the long lines in front of the American Embassy,`` they tell me, ``do you think they`re all idiots? You ungrateful bastard!``)


...ppl used to say the EXACT same thing to my parents when they decided to move lock, stock, barrel and kids back to pak...been seven years and counting:)...can`t say it`s been easy...but i`m so glad theY put all common sense aside and took the plunge...

Tidbit, Adnan,

Will send both of you an email. I may not have made the decision if I were married, with kids and had other concerns, so its really not being brave or anything... its just trying something new and the fact that I`ll be home again. anywayz, take care.

[ #42 by slink on November 19, 2002 0:15am PT

this was a difficult piece to submit since it was an intensely personal one.

***

the skeleton remains the same and on a clear day you can still see the bones of the 80`s visible in the early morning light. ]

So this was a real dream rather than a creative piece.

Even a real dream reported faithfully would be ultimately work of concious which will try to impart a flow and connectedness to the story a dream tells. Sigmund Freud found that his patients sooner or later told him about their dreams of previous night. He had to then apply his technique of psycho-analysis to discover their meanings in relation to their illness. He made a theory of mind in which totality of thought was complex mixture of concious, unconcious and mechanism of repression which set between these two and policed flow of unconcious ideas into concious.

What he found repeatedly was that even though unconcious thoughts did not obey any rules of logic which dominated concious thought, to report the dream to psychoanalyst or to even recall a dream required that uncouncious gets past the mechanism of repression which essentially prevents deep meaning a dream becoming apparent in all its rawness to the concious. In order to recall or report a dream the service of concious is essential and repression gleefully uses concious to sanitize deep meaning off from any elements which repression does not want to become concious.

So even when a dream is faithfully reported ultimately it is a ``creative`` work of Mr. Repression in collusion with Mr. Concious. But any author who wishes to put the his or her dream in public domain might do additional work to enhance it as a literary piece rather than keep it as haphazard jumble of nonsense.

Freud used to be accosted in social get togethers by men and women who asked him to analyze dreams of their near and dear ones. Freud then had to explain that there is no such thing as ``standard`` meanings of dreams. To analyze somebody`s dream using the technique of psycho-analysis required that dreamer himself is led through the process of free association. Free association involves asking him to think about a part of dream (=analyze) and to make note of anything and everything that comes to his mind without exception and report it to the analyst. A real dream has very little useful meaning for anyone else other than the dreamer himself. But still when a dream is published (even as a literary piece), it has a capacity to stir up quiet waters of unconcious of readers.

-einsteinwallah

snow: i have to admire your courage...don`t take this the wrong way or anything but if u can write to me at suminahw@yahoo.com

rgds,

samina

slinker,
aww shucks and I thought it was about phase 5- silly me. i do visit karachi often, and i realized it has changed, in some ways for the better and for the worse in others. good luck.

adnan,
my email is snowmeplease@yahoo.com. I never look at any step as the end all be all or last step in life`s twisted journey. But every stage has its lessons and right now this is what I feel I must do. To be completely honest I believe I have the will and the option to re-locate in the future if I really really want to, maybe thats whats making this an easy move. I`m taking baby steps right now.
I agree Pakistan has a lot of problems. Just the other day I found out that some joker bought a controlling stake in Engro through 3rd party buyers. Since Pakistan has no anti-trust laws he was able to do it. The management freaked and the guy eventually backed off. Then it turns out that contracts don`t hold any value in Pakistan. I mean if someone violates an agreement, you can take them to court, but the judiciary is so corrupt that the Judge`s dulla (go between) comes to your home to find out what you can offer to make the case go in your favor ! Thats why foreign company`s sign addendums that all legal breaches will be handled in foreign/European courts. Thats why when Nawaz Sharif`s company didn`t pay back the loan from some foreign bank, they took them to court in London. The courts their are clean so they asked Nawaz to pay, he delayed, they attached his properties on Park Lane to the bank, he saw how the courts worked and he came up with the cash and payed the bank promptly, so that he could keep the apartments

I know adnan... theres going to be a lot of bullshit there. Wish me luck :)

thank you all for reading and responding.

for those who like it for whatever reason...great...thanks for your positive comments...this was a difficult piece to submit since it was an intensely personal one. samina was spot on when she called it a take on metamorphosis, a change brought about not just by experience but also by the making/breaking of physical environment.

adnan and snow, it seems we share several common threads in our past in terms of where we grew up and how its changed. i take it both of you are not in karachi, let me be your eyes and tell you it has changed a lot but the skeleton remains the same and on a clear day you can still see the bones of the 80`s visible in the early morning light.

samina, the sharon olds was lovely. what do you think of charles bukowski?

for the record...if i do decide to worship a diety, it prolly wont be the God of Grammar...

shandana

snow:
I must say that I admire your courage. I have come this close to packing my bags and leaving for Pakistan in the past, but then got cold feet and decided to stay in my cubicle of comfort. It seems like there`s a never-ending sequence of events and people who are conspiring against my will to return. Folks back home look at me like I have a bomb strapped to my belly every time I bring up this topic. They think I`m a delusional fool to even consider moving back. ``Look at the long lines in front of the American Embassy,`` they tell me, ``do you think they`re all idiots? You ungrateful bastard!`` But, honestly, after 9/11, I have started thinking along those lines once again. Regardless of my personal beliefs, I`ll still be a fundamentalist Muslim and Pakistani to the average American. God forbid, if there`s one more terrorist attack on U.S. mainland, things will get pretty bad pretty soon. I know that its a far-fetched idea at the time, but given the increasing hatred for all things Islam, and the prevalent jingoism of the Repulicans and right-wing Christians, can anyone foresee another holocaust (with Muslims instead of Jews this time) in the making? Maybe not today, but a few generations later?
But, back to the topic, Pakistan has its own brand of challenges. For the past three months, my parents have been getting electric bills for Rs. 15,000 a month. They have stopped running the air-conditioner and use electricity as frugally as possible, yet the bill never goes below 15000. But, of course, Major saahib next door lives in a frozen tundra, yet his bill never exceeds Rs.2000 a month. Wondery why? Then, the prospect of raising your kids in the pollution and violence of Karachi is enough to make you think twice. Every time I go back, I find more and more children suffering from asthma and other respitory diseases, thanks to the diesel fumes that perpetually linger in the air. Its not an easy choice. But, like I said, I commend your spirit and sincerely hope that you find happiness and a sense of well-being and purpose in Pakistan.

P.S. I hope I didn`t discourage you :) If you don`t mind, could you email me your email addy at adnan_rafiq@yahoo.com? I would like to stay in touch and follow your journey. Who knows, I may get inspired one day.

Saminasha,
hmmmm........ I thought you mentioned somewhere that you wrote poetry, which your real life better half plagiarized :)

anyways, good luck with future writing endeavors.

Snowing,

Welcome for the poem....it does pack a punch...and I like to dust it off now and again...

Have a submitted? Ironically enough I did submit an article on an anti war rally that took place in NYC before the US invaded/liberated Afghanistan...either the good editors at Chowk couldn`t open my attachment (which other recipients have had trouble with as well) or the article didnt suit Chowk`s purposes, which I dont take personally. My better Chowkie half Zafar and I started working on very wicked satire but I got cold feet and couldn`t follow through....I was, get this, afraid of losing favor among Chowkies-hahahahahhhhaaa!!!
Okay, I`ve wiped my eyes and got up off the floor....to go back to our satire, I realized my imagination was far far far exceeded by the kinds of conspiracy theories put out by al Qaeeda...ever heard that reality is stranger than fiction?....so in order to continue this satire, I`d need to start dropping acid, etc, which I`m not prepared to do....smarties (american smarties) are my hallucinogenic of choice, and on weekends Thai food! :)
But yes, I`m very very fragile...which is why I write posts and never pieces....altho I might submit some morosely self absorbed interrogation of being an South Asian American Staring At Her Reflections at The Funhouse Mirrors of Stereotypes...fallen asleep already, havent you?....

adnan_rafiq,
I`ve been living away from Karachi for many years maself. I`m returning to Karachi for an extended period this december for many reasons. The primary one being that I want to be close to the family again. The other reason is that its home... and if I have to work, learn and make a change, I`d like to do it in Pakistan. I`m not particularly nationalistic or religous, so the reasons are a little harder to explain. I realize life can be tougher there, but I feel so much more part of a community and feel so much more involved and feel theres so much more to contribute there. The US is a great place and maybe I`ll live here again or better yet some other nicer part of the world. But for now Pakistan is drawing me to her like crazy ! and I have given in to her charms and pull :)

I know its not all going to be romantic... but I know some amazing people in Pakistan making a difference in theirs and other peoples lives... and I just got tired of living for money, and for dunyavee comforts or for satisfying my desires.. whereas in Pakistan I also get to feel emotionally nurtured/satisfied. I thought it would be a tough decision... but it really wasn`t... I decided, gave my resignation, and am moving out.

In the end though.. I don`t know how I`ll feel in a year from now.. so I`m not burning any boats or bridges. Options, financial or otherwise are always good to have.

Cheers.

Shandana, thank you for writing something so wonderful. I confess that I`m not even vaguely acquainted with the art/process of writing, so I can`t comment much on the structure, grammar or symbolism that others allude to. All I can say is that your writing touched a chord buried deep inside my heart and made me nostalgic for home (Phase VI). I read your essay three times, and each time the roar of the distant waves grew louder, the morning breeze became fresher and memories of my carefree days filled my heart. Do you know that there was a part of Defense where every house was white and you could actually touch the mist coming from the sea in the mornings? It was Darakshan Villas - by the sea side and behind the Sea View Apartments.
Talking about going home, sometimes I feel a strong affinity with Odysseus. Like him, I have been away from home for a long time. I have seen places more comfortable and beautiful than Karachi, but my heart refuses to love anything as much as the Darakshan of the 80`s (not the over-populated, decaying Darakshan of today.) I know that I can board a plane any day and return, yet it seems like such an insurmountable task. With every passing day, Karachi drifts a little farther from my reach but moves closer to my heart.
At least, Odysseus got to go home in the end.

soundmeister,
In the end to each his own. Thats what makes the world such a lively place.

Saminasha,
Do you write ? How come we don`t see your work on Chowk ? Are u afraid of criticism ? :)

Why does everything have to ``mean`` something. Can`t you enjoy a piece of good writing for its own pleasure alone?
You guys remind me of those poor souls who try to find deep meanings in Pink Floyd lyrics- they`re listening so hard, the music passes them by!
Sound ``Delusional Donkey`` Meister