Silent Screams

well i liked the ``The haunting sense of dejavu`` thing...
your profile is very cool.

can relate,..

very nice.


keep it up.

Thanks Viqar and cheese,

I am also wondering why it was not published.

Ref Azure on #5

[This is good Saba... I like the picture too... Picasso isn`t it?]

Edvard Munch and the title of his painting is ``The Scream``.

This picture resembles it but is not the same.

agree with UrsTruly

cliches might be comfortable, but as you evolve as a poet...remember that it`s your experiences, your individual existance and your own, unique perspective on life that should give birth to each and every word that flows in your poems...and that being solely and only yours, nobody else could have ever put it down as you can now

its all about being connected to your self...dig down deeper, you know you can do better than this
Best,
Madiha

This refers to #4
Fitaa:
It`s a beautiful poem.
I like it because it can talk and persuade and suggest and argue...and do all kinds of crazy little things that it`s supposed to do.
I found the last stanza a little forced, meaning that feelings had to bow before style. Not my favourite attitude.
But man I liked the poem. I don`t understand why it was not selected. Please keep on writing.

P.S: this may sound cruel but I think this poem is better, in terms of the subject matter and in terms of the expression, than the one published here.

Every ebbing soul
Every broken dream
Every shattered memory
Every emotion that passed by

felt that so many times

---

have any idea of how many people you reach out to when you write ?

and it is ``more than a general statement on the current state of mind``--trust me on that.

fitaa
very nerudaesque... very nice

Thank you people:)

Bina, after re-reading this I had similar feelings. I do link this with a specific incident, but in order for other people to understand, it should stand out as something more than a general statement on the current state of mind.

saba:

...haunting imagery...(despite six Is and everys)...keep writing and sharing here...and while am providing unsolicited advice;) here is another one...keep reading and observing life...

...when i read this first was reminded of somebody`s quote...probably abe lincoln`s...``sorrows come to all, but to the young they come with bitterest agony: we the elders have learned to ever expect them.``

jeeti raho, khush raho

...t

ps:

Good stuff but lacking a central image or idea to tie it to and give some shape or meaning to the metaphors. Link this to something real that has happened in your life, or an observation about something specific, and it will be anchored and make much more sense as a poem.

Man... when will I learn to appreciate poetry. There should be a `depth` meter alongside every poem published on Chowk!

This is good Saba... I like the picture too... Picasso isn`t it?

Since chowk did not publish it .. maybe I can post my this poem over here and get some reviews :)

‘If I tell you the Truth’

If I tell you,
I have a photo by my bedside, faded,
And my thoughts are still somewhere, tangled,
And I still have a heart, torn,
And that I was once in someone’s love, drenched,
Am I true to you?

Do I sound true if I tell you?
That I find you clean as the morning mist,
And I see you in the droplets of the winter rain,
And I want to share the summer stars with you,
And share your pain in the autumn leaves,
And there’s so much relief for me in your shade,
And someday when I am tired,
I feel like giving up before you to rest in your essence,

Do I sound true?,
Even if I still sound untrue,
Then give it a thought again,
As there is light through my window, unsaid,
As there are stars that break, unwished,
As the touch in the rain is, unblushed,
As there are flowerets on my floor, unperturbed,
And the sheets on my bed are so even …

Saba Nice work !
I have to agree with u , cliches can certainly be very comforting especially when not much else makes sense .

My profile needs updating-I just sent the revised one to the Editors a day back. I`m not 17, I`m 18 and perspectives change.

I find bliss in cliches at time. When you begin to explore what is beyond that is when you truly evolve. And to be honest, at times perhaps the only comfort to be gained is from a (supposedly) meaningless cornucopia of words.

I wanted to protest this cornocopia of cliches but changed my mind after reading your age. Your age also gives an automatic right to give you a piece of advice. The first quality that a poet must have is her persistence (dheet-pun), so dont get discuraged by negative comments and second, I belive that poetry is like revelation - it just comes to you - you cannot concieve it. When you know that you have IT you write, otherwise write prose.