The 786 Cybercafé on Tariq Road (continued)

this is my email address free4explore@hushmail.com your welcome

yaar bilal sorry for not rplyin was busy i don`t know how to contact you here`s my email address n e 1 could send me the mail free4explore@hushmail.com

hey discoverer, give me your e-mail address and i`ll give you the contact of ppl from FAST-Lahore who have worked on computer games.
Regards - Bilal

Guys just a thought did pakistan ever made a computer game coz i heard alot a Shahzor and the adventure of basheera . some Fast and LUMS students are already making Flash games n e one know bout it plz tell me

Enjoyed the part where he was engaged in a brutal car business, four things..if suits anybody makes one rich..

the WHEEL,
the STEEL,
the ILLEGAL or rather (HARAAM KA KAMAYA),
the **** BUSINESS, i`d rather not disclose, lest any prejudiced and failed internet entrepreneur..steps in and blows me off.

nice work there by Shah Sahiba..good work done.

Shah Sahiba u remind of Jeffrey Archer..one is glued to the words and the pictures in the words.

forgot to mention previously, your depiction of the workshop reminded me of a place which is adjacent to the railway lines where stray dogs frequent to devour on the passing by train passenger-thrown aways..and in the distant is the CHAI WALLA..heedless to the flies buzzing around the cups..

reminded me of those days when i landed myself from foreign piece of land where pakistanis are less adorned..unto a place like this...though that was a cantt area nearby which made this place in lahore more than bearable but etched in mind still.

still feel the urge to stamp my presence there again..SOMEBODY JOIN ME?

good stuff, i enjoyed it ;)
it seems like an abridged version of the 1st chapter because i feel that you were in a bit of a hurry when you wrote this. maybe. i hope the character of jamal is built a little more though, in the following chapters.

oddly enough, part 2 reads better than part 1... or maybe I got used to your pace and you had added enough elements to your picture by the time I got here.

or maybe not, in which case, some attention to sentences like:

``Jamal slept his way through many of his lessons and talked his way through others. He wasn`t as stupid as some of the other boys - Omar, the boy who always managed to lose his homework between his walk from his home to the school, or Mohammed, whose short term memory functioned so badly that he had a hard time remembering his own father`s name.``
might help.

My problem here is that a gap seems to open up between the author (and hence the reader/listener) and the subject... there is a single-dimensional paper doll effect to the passage about Jamal`s schooling. I suppose this sort of comment would drive you up the wall in frustration, but I`m afraid I can neither explain better nor suggest anything without encroaching on your right to write as you wish to.

It is an interesting question that urstruly raises: how to write a good first chapter? without being formulaic, nor trashy nor cheap. just let the story tell itself from the first.... ``Call me Ishmael`` :D

finally: ``it all seemed cold, even though the temperatures outside were scorching.`` very, very nice.

I loved this!

A book with the name of my old neighborhood in its title is one

I will just have to read. But Novels are meant to be read on paper.

Where can I find the hardcopy?

Ras

DoubleC: hope you enjoy the book!

Urstruly and Yellow: very sorry the chapter didn`t please you. Good luck elsewhere.

Einsteinwallah: LOL, you have sharp eyes. That mistake is corrected in the print version. I kept confusing Abdul and Ahmed thorughout the manuscript. There is also a conversation between two PTCL officials that did not make the final cut of the book. You are lucky to find it here. Consider it an ``outtake`` from 786 Cybercafe.

Soundmeister, Freddy: thanks for your positive comments. Karachi is both good and bad, if only you know where to look.

Great prose and momentum. Love the restrained tone.

Usually, the first chapter of every novel that I read is excrutiating and painful. This was no exception either. It really sucks. I hope it gets better in later chapters. Moth Smoke was written quite well by Mohsin - the pain was less excrutiating since the first chapter was just two pages.

[Jamal knew he could put the whole thing together. The technical expertise would come from Ahmed, who was now in his final year at NED]

Around this line Abdul became Ahmed?!

Anyways read Part 2 only, yet to read Part 1. Its good.

Tomorrow (hopefully) i shall have this book in my hand. Will let you know what i think about it........ certain portions on the first chapter remind me of my life when i was in Karachi. Brought back memories.

Excellent stuff ! This is first time I`m reading any of your writings...though I have previously heard of you via Chowk. Look forward to reading future instalments.

Boring, really boring Bina bibi. I read your stuff but this
was not what I had expected. At best it is pretentious. sorry
about that.