Doping and Conspiring in a NYC Apartment

t - No, no – not a whining grouch, surely. : -) In fact, not a grouch at all...
As for involvement in mafia orgs, there are some like the D company for eg. But they can almost always trace their roots back to the home country. I believe there are a lot of arms dealers of desi persuasion abroad as well. The well heeled tend to stick to the more profitable and less dirty white collar variety. Knew a whole lot of well heeled young Indians in India who were into mafia stuff and common thuggery though. Most of the desi kids I met abroad (America and Britain) stuck to run-of-the-mill hustling and drugs.

Thothoewing – thank you for your…er, valuable input. After according it the consideration it deserved, I regret that my personal proclivity forbids me to carry out violence upon my person. I am, of course, desolated.

Lakhania - so I`ve heard, so I`ve heard...

Re: # 13

“It’s a free country, dude! You can hardly see it any more but it’s still a free country.”

What kachra this ABCD is writing? Needs a firm slap to get all this out of her brain.

amrita:

arey baba refrain from painting me as a super whining grouch here;)...did i not mention ( #7) my comments were chowk-specific...yes i did!...khair...am just rambling...and yes, second rahul!...

HERE are some early morning digressions:)

lve

t

Re: # 10
Amrita, keep writing and sharing.Its great to have you on chowk.

Re: # 9
Rahul,
You`re absolutely right and no, it wasn`t a stylistic experiment in the strictest sense. It was more an experiment with characters and language. The narrators of all my pieces tend to be strong, whether they be men or women, but I try my best to keep faith with their `natural` voice. However, I`m not comfortable with the immediate tense that I employed here nor do I write `everyday` or profane (for eg, how much is too much?) very well.

This was an attempt to do both and it`s apparently not so dusty. My usual writing voice is very different and comes far more naturally to me - ``Bubbles`` is an example. But it`s a bit tiring to write a novel in it and then keep writing shorts in it too (esp when they`re not very short as t pointed out :-) ). There were elements in this story that interested me and a literary style would have stifled it - in my opinion. I had fun with it.

samankhan #5 :-), exactly my thoughts.
Amrita, somehow I get the feeling that experimentation was an end in itself in this piece,all other things taking a backseat. Did you employ any specific method?

Samankhan - experimentation is the name of the game.... :-)

Usama - no offense taken. I like constructive criticism, it hones my craft. Why did I write this? Because everyone keeps writing about the industrious South Asian who smells like curry and breaks his back to put dollars in the bank account while dreaming of the green fields of Punjab. I`ve even had taxi drivers harangue me on the subject and I`m sick and tired of it. The aimless young junkies in this story are real ppl who`re going to run the world tomorrow. And this was fiction - the truth is almost unprintable (ha!)

t - thank you! yeah verbosity is a big problem. I keep trying to cut down but all my stories start at the dada-pardada level before getting down to the nitty gritty. This one was an experiment that grew and grew until I just stopped.

Thanks for reading....

amrita:

tum achcha likhti ho!

…have a few chowk-specific comments:

--at 5261 words it is a difficult read on a small screen…1000-1500 max is ideal…any more and one needs to print out and read later…
--the first person narration was unobtrusive…you pulled it off well
--too many characters …in a way they diluted the effect…

lve

t

Now what the hell was that all about, i hope u donot mind (the author) but i donot understand the point of narrating the sights & sounds of a party that u arranged for ur friends and their friends. I thought chowk was a place for serious, focussed kind of debate, not about someone presenting her analysis of different people from different backgrounds and their behaviours under the effect of narcotics. i hope no one is offended. Even, If u categorize the above narration into the category of a social commentary, there are far better topics then a discussion involving drugs and a bunch of directionless young people.
I hope u take it as constructive criticism.

Two extremes within a month.
Thats amazing!

Thank you.

Very well written. Bravo !

But the narrator`s tone and some of the subplots and main plot done quite well!

Eh.