Vanity is My Favorite Sin

A note to the author -

This is a good piece, I like the social comments it makes. However, it needs some work. A topic like this can be handled in two ways. One, you can write a long and serious article on people`s tendency to be pompous and how it negatively affects the society, how the poor are getting poorer while the reach are getting richer, etc. However, that would be a pretty boring piece. Also, it has been done.

Instead, you can follow the comedic angle of people flaunting their _inherited_ wealth and feeling superior solely because they happen to have a rich uncle / aunt / grandmother etc. That can be riotously funny and very biting satire.

Your piece, dear author, falls somewhere in between. IMO, you started out trying to write a satire, but then lost your way somewhere trying to be rather serious. This is a pitfall you should try to avoid next time. You do write well, only you need to organize the thought process a little better.

Cheers and good luck for your next literary venture!

A word to Nadia Zehra -
How much money do YOU have to pay to chowk-staff in order to get your ``english`` interacts published?

You say in #9 ``I still hold my grounds of pointing the loop-holes and the composure it is badly lacking and the worn out norms it is blindly stressing.``

I did not notice you pointing out any loopholes in the article. Nor do you explain what ``norms`` you think the article is ``blindly`` stressing. All you did was ask a snarky question, and when someone challenged you, you tried to wiggle your way out of explaining your post. Even in #9, where you do have the opportunity to explain your criticism, you did not. Instead you launched into a long-winded and incoherent defense of Islamabad.

If I feel sufficiently bored, I will analyse your #9 line by line and prove what a shitty writer you are.

First of all, I like this piece. It has been said that any conversation is a great success if ONE person is a good listener. It’s also true what you say about a “pompous mouth” not necessarily indicating a snobbish heart – people talk about what is close to them, and gives them a sense of some reassurance regarding the importance of their own roles in the scheme of things. In reality, most people are just LIKE US.

Just to make it more palatable - here are a few things I would have done differently with it (disclaimer: my background in creative writing is ZERO):

(1) avoid straight quotations (for example, right in the beginning, you could have given some more depth to that quotation from your ammi perhaps by building up a little even/scene of sorts in which she says it. That way, it would have retained its message longer.)

(2) Consider being a bit more descriptive of the characters. It would make them more real and interesting to me, the reader. (Since you were present at the conversation you see a lot more than we do, and some of the external details which evoke little interest in you can really “light up” somebody else’s curiosity.)

(3) I personally like the way you sum up your own thoughts at the end, but I can also see how it can leave one with the feeling of having just been sermonized to! Maybe there are more subtle ways of conveying it – perhaps in littler dosages throughout the body, instead of all at once in the end.

(4) Try to be more FUNNY!

Re: # 17

Somebody said for Chacha Ghalib and I am saying it for you

`` Hum sukhan fehm hain Ghalib key tarafdar naheen``
so do not bother and keep saying what you think is right, however one must be sincear in his thought and try to correct himself once proved that he is not right.

thank you for sharing jami :)

Re: # 12
once a politician asked the other that your father sells `PAKORAS` at a chowk he replied I am proud of him bcoz he was better then yours ``JO GOROUN KEY KUTTEY NEHLATA THAA``
i mean nothing by quoting this It is just a lighter part.

Very well defind problem, Mrs Kazimi in your support I have a small little incident of my very young age. a birthday party was on. Ladies were sitting. All old friends, except one Who had just married and joined her husband at Islamabad. Lady was wearing big ``CHAADAR`` and bcoz of that,all others were making fun of her by asking her funny questions. You studied from village, have you seen some big city prior to this. Last question was that have you attended some school. The reply was ``Gee Haan`` I have done my masters in Chemistry and I am a gold medalist, I also topped civil service exam this year and then there was very long silence afterword.

I have been listening since childhood about proper khandans and khandanipun and it had always sounded illusive to me. The criteria of being a pure khandani person is to be an elite enjoying luxury bestowed by “unknown kind “ means. The memons of Karachi, the Ismailis of Karachi, I think they are hubs not in Islamabad as husnaangelique mentioned. And we proudly alloy the presence of 21 the most elite Pakistani Khandans since becoming of Pakistan which are getting added with time and are obscured.
Moreover how much times has changed the Mahavara which once used to show an intellectual impotency by Saada Loh wa Safaid Posh but with intellectually stable Khandans is now tamed with price.
“the fuller the pitcher, the lesser the noise.”...“Thota Chana baje Ghana”…”Khali bartan Kharakta hai”…used to be pointed towards a talkative person with shallow exsistantialism.

hello readers,

i agree with husnaangelique. sadly this was the point of my piece which i failed to bring out properly.

as for Chowk`s rep...this is an open forum for novice writers who can hope to gather here to write, get better at the craft and create their own pool of readers. and i thank chowk editors for all the times they`ve been this generous to me.

this article may not be up to the mark but i`m no Banu Qudsiya either - not yet :)

one more thing, i didnt say the women i mentioned in my article were either housewives or rich desis` daughters. i said they were rich women who liked to show off their riches. in fact, most of them were working women with very promising careers.

anyway, i wont try to defend or explain my article any further as the piece should`ve been able to do that on its own.

take care,

Humeira

``Vanity is My Favorite Sin`` , That was claimed by A ``Devil`s Advocate``. I do agree with the logics and arguments in this post. But i wonder if someone can ensure consistancy in one`s attitude? worth ? relative phenomen... dont u think worth is something determined by a specific time n space....! well neverthless u presented urs thoughts in convincing manner.

Khuram Bukhari

``Vanity is My Favorite Sin`` , That was claimed by A ``Devil`s Advocate``. I do agree with the logics and arguments in this post. But i wonder if someone can ensure consistancy in one`s attitude? worth ? relative phenomen... dont u think worth is something determined by a specific time n space....! well neverthless u presented urs thoughts in convincing manner.

Khuram Bukhari