Flying Spaghetti Monsterism

Giant Spaghetti Monster, eh? Wow. Where was I all the time?

A new board was elected in Dover Area School District with a mjority of its members voting to eliminate Intelligent Design from the school curriculum. Read the following news item:

`Intelligent-design` school board ousted in Penn By Jon Hurdle
Wed Nov 9,12:35 AM ET

Voters on Tuesday ousted a Pennsylvania local school board that promoted an ``intelligent-design`` alternative to teaching evolution, and elected a new slate of candidates who promised to remove the concept from science classes.

The board of Dover Area School District in south-central Pennsylvania lost eight of its nine incumbents in an upset election that surprised even the challengers, who had been hoping for a bare majority to take control of the board.

The new board, which includes teachers, opposed the incumbents` policy of including intelligent design in science classes.

The ousted board was the first school board in the country to implement such a policy. The challengers also criticized what they called arrogance and secrecy by the incumbent board.

For the last six weeks, the teaching of intelligent design has been challenged in federal court by a group of Dover parents. They said the concept is a religious belief and therefore may not be taught in public schools, because the U.S. Constitution forbids it. They also argue that the theory is unscientific and so has no place in science classes.

Bryan Rehm, one of the winning board members and a former teacher at Dover High School, said the new board will hold a public meeting to decide the precise future of the policy. He said intelligent design will no longer be a part of the science curriculum, regardless of how the court rules.

Defeated board members were not immediately available for comment.

Dover residents have been split on the issue of intelligent design since the board adopted the policy in October 2004.

The policy requires that students be read a four-paragraph statement that says there are ``gaps`` in Charles Darwin`s theory of evolution and that students should consider other explanations of the origins of life, including intelligent design.

Intelligent design holds that some aspects of nature are so complex they must be the work of an unnamed designer, rather than the result of random natural selection, as argued by Darwin`s theory.

The trial, which attracted national and international media attention, was watched in at least 30 states where policies are being considered that would promote teaching alternatives to evolution theory.

U.S. President George W. Bush, whose re-election was boosted by many Christian-conservative votes, has said he believes intelligent design should be taught alongside evolution.

U.S. District Judge John Jones is expected to rule on the case in December or January.


Mohammad Gill

There is an equally hilarious satire on what The Onion calls ``Intelligent Falling`` at:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39512

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New `Intelligent Falling` Theory
August 17, 2005 | Issue 41•33

KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held ``theory of gravity`` is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.


Enlarge Image

Rev. Gabriel Burdett (left) explains Intelligent Falling.
``Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, `God` if you will, is pushing them down,`` said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: ``Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, `I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.` Of course, he is alluding to a higher power.``

Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world`s leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God`s Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue ``so they can make an informed decision.``

``We just want the best possible education for Kansas` kids,`` Burdett said.

Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein`s ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.

``Let`s take a look at the evidence,`` said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden.``In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, `And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.` He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, `But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.` If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling.``

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton`s mathematics and Holy Scripture.

``Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein`s general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world,`` said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. ``They`ve been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don`t know how.``

``Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work,`` Carson said. ``What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that `gravity waves` and `gravitons` are just secular words for `God can do whatever He wants.```

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

``Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the `electromagnetic force,` the `weak nuclear force,` the `strong nuclear force,` and so-called `force of gravity,``` Burdett said. ``And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus.``

Cheers!

okay, first kabala, now spaghetii what next pizza created universe ppl are mad,

really these are the signs of day of judement as ALLAH( Subana tallah) mention in the holy Quran : KNowledge will be taken away from human kind.
And so it seems it is.

Spaghetti God vs. Tylenol PM

Sleepless mind in a weary body cries
Him I see in half of the million floaters in my eyes

I meditate upon the restlessness that deep within me lures
Ah, a revelation! I see Him, I feel Him, in all my jittery nerves

Then I commit a sin, two pills a time
The intoxication parallel only to that of a satanic glass of wine

Two pills, an affordable price for my faith in you divine
Spaghetti God, sold to the highest bidder, the Satan wins yet another time

Boo!

Dear Dr Gill,

That is the way it all starts.

After the Sphagatti monster is born. They all dressed in gnnoci move toward the mount arrowfart where thet pour the red pasta sauce on the devil and hit him with stones of caprichosa.

Mr. Gill, thank you for writing this article. My mind is very clear now, and I have found my purpose. And that is to create the best machines in the world to please the Almighty FSM, so that he may bathe me in the beer volcano, and bless me with his noodly appendage. I shall dedicate my life to make the best plastics in Pakistan, and on every plastic product would be the embossed figure of FSM. And I would make the most comfortable plastic plates for Him to sit on and spend his leisure time in when he is not creating us puny midgets.

And I hope that one day the Great FSM would solve the Kashmir issue and bring peace in the Subcontinent. Ramen!

Blessed be all Midgetkind!

ha! ha!

ha! ha!

(The following conversation was recently said to have occurred in a public transport bus.)

Intelligent Design Proponent (IDP): (a lot of detailed stuff about the theory of intelligent design)

Fellow Janitor (FJ): So was it God who created the world?

IDP: That’s what I have been trying to tell you – this theory is not religion – the theory does not specify WHO created the world!!

FJ: Could it have been a monkey?

IDP: (Face reddens – no words come out)

FJ: (Getting out at his stop) Maybe we can resume this conversation tomorrow.

IDP: (Still no words)

(No follow-up conversation ever took place.)

Here is another take on the same topic from last week`s New Yorker:

http://www.newyorker.com/shouts/content/articles/050926sh_shouts

Day No. 1:

And the Lord God said, “Let there be light,” and lo, there was light. But then the Lord God said, “Wait, what if I make it a sort of rosy, sunset-at-the-beach, filtered half-light, so that everything else I design will look younger?”

“I’m loving that,” said Buddha. “It’s new.”

“You should design a restaurant,” added Allah.



Day No. 2:

“Today,” the Lord God said, “let’s do land.” And lo, there was land.

“Well, it’s really not just land,” noted Vishnu. “You’ve got mountains and valleys and—is that lava?”

“It’s not a single statement,” said the Lord God. “I want it to say, ‘Yes, this is land, but it’s not afraid to ooze.’ ”

“It’s really a backdrop, a sort of blank canvas,” put in Apollo. “It’s, like, minimalism, only with scale.”

“But—brown?” Buddha asked.

“Brown with infinite variations,” said the Lord God. “Taupe, ochre, burnt umber—they’re called earth tones.”

“I wasn’t criticizing,” said Buddha. “I was just noticing.”



Day No. 3:

“Just to make everyone happy,” said the Lord God, “today I’m thinking oceans, for contrast.”

“It’s wet, it’s deep, yet it’s frothy; it’s design without dogma,” said Buddha, approvingly.

“Now, there’s movement,” agreed Allah. “It’s not just ‘Hi, I’m a planet—no splashing.’ ”

“But are those ice caps?” inquired Thor. “Is this a coherent vision, or a highball?”

“I can do ice caps if I want to,” sniffed the Lord God.

“It’s about a mood,” said the Angel Moroni, supportively.

“Thank you,” said the Lord God.



Day No. 4:

“One word,” said the Lord God. “Landscaping. But I want it to look natural, as if it all somehow just happened.”

“Do rain forests,” suggested a primitive tribal god, who was known only as a clicking noise.

“Rain forests here,” decreed the Lord God. “And deserts there. For a spa feeling.”

“Which is fresh, but let’s give it glow,” said Buddha. “Polished stones and bamboo, with a soothing trickle of something.”

“I know where you’re going,” said the Lord God. “But why am I seeing scented candles and a signature body wash?”

“Shut up,” said Buddha.

“You shut up,” said the Lord God.

“It’s all about the mix,” Allah declared in a calming voice. “Now let’s look at some swatches.”



Day No. 5:

“I’d like to design some creatures of the sea,” the Lord God said. “Sleek but not slick.”

“Yes, yes, and more yes—it’s a total gills moment,” said Apollo. “But what if you added wings?”

“Fussy,” whispered Buddha to Zeus. “Why not epaulets and a sash?”

“Legs,” said Allah. “Now let’s do legs.”

“Are we already doing dining-room tables?” asked the Lord God, confused.

“No, design some creatures with legs,” said Allah. So the Lord God, nodding, designed an ostrich.

“First draft,” everyone agreed, and so the Lord God designed an alligator.

“There’s gonna be a waiting list,” Zeus murmured appreciatively.

“Now do puppies!” pleaded Vishnu. “And kitties!”

“Ooooo!” all the gods cooed. Then, feeling a bit embarrassed, Zeus ventured, “Design something more practical, like a horse or a mule.”

“What about a koala?” asked the Lord God.

“Much better,” Zeus declared, cuddling the furry little animal. “I’m going to call him Buttons.”



Day No. 6:

“Today I’m really going out there,” said the Lord God. “And I know it won’t be popular at first, and you’re all gonna be saying, ‘Earth to Lord God,’ but in a few million years it’s going to be timeless. I’m going to design a man.”

And everyone looked upon the man that the Lord God designed.

“It has your eyes,” Zeus told the Lord God.

“Does it stack?” inquired Allah.

“It has a naïve, folk-artsy, I-made-it-myself vibe,” said Buddha. The Inca sun god, however, only scoffed. “Been there. Evolution,” he said. “It’s called a shaved monkey.”

“I like it,” protested Buddha. “But it can’t work a strapless dress.” Everyone agreed on this point, so the Lord God announced, “Well, what if I give it nice round breasts and lose the penis?”

“Yes,” the gods said immediately.

“Now it’s intelligent,” said Aphrodite.

“But what if I made it blond?” giggled the Lord God.

“And what if I made you a booming offscreen voice in a lot of bad movies?” asked Aphrodite.



Day No. 7:

“You know, I’m really feeling good about this whole intelligent-design deal,” said the Lord God. “But do you think that I could redo it, keeping the quality but making it at a price point we could all live with?”

“I’m not sure,” said Buddha. “You mean, what if you designed a really basic, no-frills planet? Like, do the man and the woman really need all those toes?”

“Hello!” said the Lord God. “Clean lines, no moving parts, functional but fun. Three bright, happy, wash ’n’ go colors.”

“Swedish meets Japanese, with maybe a Platinum Collector’s Edition for the geeks,” Buddha decided.

“Done,” said the Lord God. “Now let’s start thinking about Pluto. What if everything on Pluto was brushed aluminum?”

“You mean, let’s do Neptune again?” said Buddha.

Not a bad article for a retired person. I wish was living on my 401K and SS.... sign...

dude you gotta lotta time.

on the other hand, I can`t believe I didn`t read this before. This unnatural article begs the question, [i]who is Alfredo?[/i]