Maheen Haq October 8, 2006
#4 Posted by Komel on October 12, 2006 12:18:34 am
For a while . i waz so involved .. i felt it waz not Ali .. it waz mee .. cant ve exact words to praise ..
amazing work ..
simply awesome...
tc
Kumail Raza
amazing work ..
simply awesome...
tc
Kumail Raza
#3 Posted by farrukhkamrani on October 10, 2006 10:22:33 pm
In spite of some of its gaps and weaknesses, the story grasped me completely. Good work Maheen. I think that there is a need to connect the beginning of the story in the first para with the flashback of the glorious experience of beauty by the young ‘A’ fifty years back. This can be done through a few sentences. The story is full of romanticism, and as has been said, written with real passion.
The points raised by Kumar and Azure have also due worth. I would recommend you to rewrite it as it may get much better by a second editing. Regards
The points raised by Kumar and Azure have also due worth. I would recommend you to rewrite it as it may get much better by a second editing. Regards
#2 Posted by Azure on October 9, 2006 9:38:09 am
Maheen, this is beautiful. I loved the way you described their meeting. Something most definitely written with passion.
You could have given more description about the condition of the library, the colors, the contrasts. I believe these things give more life and masala to the mahole of the story... know what I mean?
Keep writing here! :)
You could have given more description about the condition of the library, the colors, the contrasts. I believe these things give more life and masala to the mahole of the story... know what I mean?
Keep writing here! :)
#1 Posted by bjkumar on October 9, 2006 2:25:54 am
Interesting read and a good effort, except for the last part about the woman visiting fifty years later which appears less than credible. It is also difficult to believe that in the subcontinent of fifty years ago, a woman would be driving by herself. And what did she use to call her husband - a cell phone?
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