The Boys who will be Men

Ugly, really. I wish to know, people, does writing about such incidents, really deter offenders (and potential offenders) from performing such heinous acts?
The details were really really killing.

Very disturbing and very real. When she slid down the mound and was surrounded by her brothers I cringed. Her knowing that they would soon be bigger than she and equally capable of physically overpowering her was dramatic. Equally as powerful was the protective circle they formed around her as they walked home. They are confused too. They want to protect their sister, but because she is a girl they need to be stronger from her. Topple her from her perch. I`m new to Chowk and you are the first writer I`ve experienced here. WoW! Oh yeah, I live in the Western United States. Somethings aren`t so different no matter where you are.

Re: sahmed

I was born and spent most of my life in Pakistan, and did not hear or saw incest except two cases where the culprit was a relative like an uncle but never a father. I left Pakistan about twenty years ago. May be the things are different now but it is still very hard to swallow the news like this.

When I was growing up my mother were very particular about not allowing anyone being too close to any adult member of opposit sex of the family, including brothers, cousins etc. I guess she knew that it could happen anywhere if the man is thrown in a situation like that. So the best thing was to take precautions and prevent such a thing from heppening.

The bottom line is that man cannot be trusted blindly with anyone, not even with his own children.

It is a sad state.

`smalik: I read and heard a lot about incest in this part of the world but could not imagine it happening in the ``land of the pure```.

Educate yourself on the horror that effects more of our children than children anywhere else in this world. Take the time to ask those around you what has happened to them. Out of all my desi friends, both male and female, only 2 have never been molested or sexually abused - by everyone from family members to men dressed in dhotis who live in the flats next door.

More among us than anywhere else.

Excellent article. My only problem is that I could predict the outcome somewhere near line 2. So where`s the element of drama?

aahhh

read this one an hour ago .. havnt been able to leave the page .. and am still having breathing problems!!!

what an expressive depiction of the system in pakistan.. all of the piece is except the cruel awakening... thats too much to take! cant imagine such a thing happening in pakistan (i need air!)

didnt realise my first visit to chowk would be so nervewracking (if thats the right word)!

and also didnt realise that you had such immense writing prowess, shandana.

still havnt got rid of the breathing problem..

re: slink.

it is a constant form of amusement for me when elders start on the `the west is immoral`...it is even more amusing when they are sitting in the good ole west. i have grown up partially in pakistan and partially in the states. my parents at times, have ``threatened`` to move back to pakistan because larkiyaan out of hand hou rahee hain. i think about pakistan the way i saw it a year ago and think...damn...my parents want me to be part of that society? they want me to grow up learning to prank call boys, learning how to correctly taroofy boys and to date maroofy at copper kettle? amee abbu`s of the desi world...get a clue. not for a moment would i ever mistake pakistan to be this moral pure landing ground that it seems to be reputed for. it is harder to be an ``achee bachee`` in pakistan ( esp karachi..i LOVE karachi :)) ) then in the states. people in pakistan..young people i should say are surprised by how un modern i am and how i love tradition. they feel that comming from AmErIca *exaggerated desi abcd american accent * i should be at all the parties, be drunk at all the parties and be high at all the parties. as an amreekan i should know all about sex drugs and alcohol and should be in the forefront when its being presented to her. sorry to dissapoint y`all...and yes little 12 year old cousin going 30, you may borrow those hip hugging jeans...they seem to be hugging you tons better then they be hugging me anyhow. ( its something in the water..im convinced...12 year olds DO look older then me)

i love pakistan..dont get me wrong but to uphold it in this holy land sorta light is all wrong. love it for its people and its ambiguiousness and its growing diversity. as for many of pakistani society`s problems having its roots in sexual frustrations..could NOT agree more. i do not think i have ever walked through bhori bazaar without feeling the sexual repression vibrating all around me. i have a couple of unorthadox solutions that did not seem to fly well with other desi friends. its not like anyone is going to do anythign about it as it is. paki society is wonderful ( okay well most aspects..well mebbe some...ummm, it has its high points), but the amount people are expected to keep inside themselves is not healthy and not a step in any sort of right direction. my mother has always said however that if sex is brought up in the forefront in paki society men will start raping women and vice versa and evil will spread all over. my initial reaction to this was rolling my eyes and certainly not believing amee. thinking about it seriously yes i can see that being the case. it woudl all depend on how sex was introduced as a non taboo topic. its ok to have sex ppl...koiee gandi baat nahi hai. ofcourse..most ppl see it as a gandi baat and till its seen that way, there aint much that can be done. im sorry i got all tangential. just wanted to add in my...four cents.

ciao

z.rizvi

OH MY GOD!!!!

It occurred to me during the roach saga within the story. What the hell!!!!

Some very good work, I am a fan of your work anyways. This just does it.

Keep it up.

thanks people :)

re mubasshir:

exactly. i have this constant argument with my mother about how we need to stop saying things like `the west is immoral` and sit up and look around. this is a very repressed soceity, we publicly deny the sensuality of our nature and suffer the consequences without ever confronting what happened. i know this sounds juvenile, but i firmly believe that if a lot of our problems can be traced to, simply, sexual frustration.
how many monsters has our fear created?

(ami if you`re reading this i`m not saying we should all get nekkid)

and very poignantly written ---

loved it

chilling, diturbing and eerie

those who say that pakland is safe from the horrors of incest and violent sexuality

should take a better look at how our society tries to shame the female figure in hijab or duppata with the fear that a glimpse might set off tremors in the phallocentric landscape...

where is the pent up repression released in a highly gender segregated and sexually violent culture?

it is about time to end the silence.

p.s.

Chowk should make a special edition compiling all the great pieces on gender role(s) and sexuality.

Powerful Shandana, eerily powerful and disturbing. Stays in the mind. Superbly executed.

For people in or near the Boston area, a researcher from the Aga Khan University is presenting her work on domestic violence in Pakistan at the Global Chat Forum at the Harvard School of Public Health on November 18, 12.30-1.30. The title is ``Cycle of Domestic Violence - a Power and Control Trap. Those interested can contact me at Zaidi_a@a1.tch.harvard.edu

Anita

Wonderful manipulation of words . Great story about a sordid topic.

re rana ransher

time out! yes, i wanted to drag that out of you. and yes, of course, if you still find that humorous, it is your right. i just wasnt sure if piggy grunt also evoked horror and disgust, which you claim it did.

of course its about gender roles. but that paled in comparison to incestuous rape -- anyway, to me. incidentally, i would be curious to know how incest differs with regards to male and female children. any ideas?

re BG:
Also......
It isn`t only about incest. It is also about the `role` of women in general. It is about the gender divide. Boys will be Men and Girls will be Women.
Even if you take out the incest part.....
The boys get to play. But the girl HAS to go feed him (serve food, clean the kitchen up afterwards). The mother who would have probably played that role is out working, only to come back home and do the `womans` (kitchen) work, anyway.
The boys, even with their playful innocent minds, are starting to become reflections of their environment. For them `girl`, `mother`, `father`, `men` are becoming well defined roles and they will soon be part of the whole gender divide, since that is what they grew up seeing.
There is resignation even in Ayesha`s acceptance of her `role` as a woman when she tells he younger brother to,``...eat otherwise you won`t grow up to be big and strong like your father``.
Now all this happens even without any incest.
As far as incest is concerned, a lot of the victims are not even aware of their rape being something `wrong` or a crime. Afterall the people involved are often trusted people they look towards for support. Hence, Ayesha still looks at her incestual father as the patriarch and just resigns herself to her `role` as a woman.

regards
RanaRansher