The price of the bride

http://www.boston.com/dailyglobe2/083/oped/Pakistan_s_honor_killings_+.shtml

Pakistan`s `honor killings`

By Ellen G Oodman, Globe Staff, Globe Columnist, 3/23/2000

Mufti Ziauddin runs his finger down a chart that grimly chronicles the ``Status of Court Cases for Murdered Women.``

Before him are the statistics he has compiled in his home district in Pakistan. On the left hand side of the page are the victims, on the right hand side the verdicts.

``Acquitted,`` he reads, repeatedly jabbing at the page with his finger, ``Acquitted. Acquitted. Acquitted.`` The acquitted were men - mostly husbands - whose violence was condoned in a place where the real law is tradition.

The intense human rights lawyer goes on to describe women who were victims of what are called ``honor killings`` as if somehow the ``honor`` justified the ``killing.``

``Suppose I kill my wife,`` he says. ``I walk like a king to the jail. People come and hold a march for me. And I go free.`` If the woman has been accused, justly or not, of some infidelity from flirting to an affair, even if she has been raped, she`s ``defiling the honor`` of the man who claims her as his property. That`s reason enough for murder, socially approved homicide. ``They consider themselves heroes.``

Ziauddin is sitting in the UNICEF building at the United Nations where delegates and activists gathered recently to prepare for ``Beijing Plus Five.`` In June, the UN will hold meetings to assess how far the world has come in implementing the ambitious Platform for Action signed at the UN World Conference on Women held five years ago in Beijing. And there`s no way to chronicle the advancement of women without looking at the backward pull of violence.

In 1997 more than 300 women were victims of honor killings in just one Pakistan province. In 1998, some 200 women were victims of acid attacks in Bangladesh. Every year 5,000 women in India are killed over ``dowry`` arguments.

With this in mind, UNICEF has just renewed a drive targeting what Carol Bellamy, the chief of the children`s agency, calls ``culturally sanctioned homicidal violence. For too long,`` Bellamy says, ``some men have been getting away with murder.``

But it`s not easy to unravel the relationship between inequality and violence. Ranjana Kumari, the Indian activist and author of ``Brides Are Not For Burning,`` who has also come for the meetings, calls violence against women, ``lethal discrimination.`` But is it inequality that leaves women subject to random violence? Or violence that keeps women down?

Some of the representatives to the UN boast about the progress of the law, about equality in print and even in constitutions. But activists like both Kumari and Ziauddin see tradition as a terrible counterforce.

``If you change the laws but no one is responsible for enforcing the laws, what does it mean?`` asks the lawyer. In Swat, the northwest province of Pakistan where Ziauddin makes his home, the tradition is so virulent that women suspected of ``dishonoring`` their families live in jail because release would mean death.

In parts of India, echoes Kumari, where 60 percent of the illiterates are female, where arranged marriage is still the norm, and dowry the only capital, ``the laws might as well be written on the moon.``

We have come a long way in a decade. In 1990, the international community was still debating whether there were universal human rights at all, or whether one country`s human rights abuse was just another`s tradition. Countries have signed on to the belief that women`s rights are human rights. But tradition still rules - not just in South Asia but across the globe. Not just in ``honor`` killings but in what we too often trivialize as ``domestic`` violence.

The question that activists struggle with is how best to intervene. As Kumari says, ``We have done a lot of work on what is happening to women. Now we must also look at men.``

UNICEF`s Ruth Hayward, a former deputy director in South Asia, believes ``many cultural norms put pressure on men to show they have power and privilege over women.`` The justification - acquitted! - to protect the family ``honor,`` even by murder, is wrapped up in what it means to be a man.

Now UNICEF is trying to connect with men as ``partners not perpetrators,`` says Hayward, and link together men of the world who hold to a different standard and often feel isolated. In the struggle against tradition, against violence, one of the unsung movements is to redefine what it means to be a man.

As Ziauddin, one of nine sons of a founder of the fundamentalist Islamic political party in Pakistan and a father of two sons has learned, ``We have to redefine a man`s honor as the honor to have the courage to protect women against other men.``

This is the question for men to ask each other: How long will it take to separate the honor from the killing?

Ellen Goodman is a Globe columnist.

mannyd #24 you asked: ``Could somebody please explain different Eids and their significance?`` One eid is to celebrate the end of the holy month of Ramadan during which muslims fast dawn to dusk; the other (the one celebrated this past Thursday and by some people on Friday) is to celebrate the completion of the annual pilgrimage to Mecca.

PS I noticed your use (with acknowledgement) in your above em of a line from my earlier post. Thanks for the compliment :-)

i agree. but the world is like that. what society is completely fair, and more so, what society does treat women respectfully? men, since the beginning of time, in every culture, have a hard time seeing women as equals and objects of desire combined. i agree with you that violence against women, forced marriages, double standards (a woman can be a slut, but a promiscuous male is a stud?) are all atrocities that we need to avoid in every culture. but it`s hard to say exactly how we can go about changing things quickly. real change evolves over a long period of time. until then, women can only try to to find the good guys (if they are fortunate to be free to do so) and have fun in life!

Ref: Ravian One # 22

`` Among the rest, a majority falls into ``needling``, ``tamaasha dekho `` category.``

I agree with you this catagory of posts is indeed deplorable.

``When all is said and done, however, my choice would be to introduce, ``uql kay undhey... .``

Mine too.

``merey dost, ``aap`` is used in a semi generic, semi non-specific sense``

Thanks for the explaination. Even if you had not explained, no offense taken.

```Ravian` means an alumnus of Government College, Lahore. I went there for [about]one year``

I did not know the meaning of Ravian. Thanks.

``I wore the College blazer, a symbol of immeasurable status and prestige, that had the motto ``Courage To Know`` emblazoned on its upper pocket.``

I remember the blazers of my college. Can not remember what the motto was. From what little I know of Government College, Lahore, It indeed has some prestige.

``Your post or Dr. Sahib`s prescription?``

I meant Dr. Sahib`s prescription.

``I did get your message `between the lines` though``

Ravian Sahib, I have a tough enough time puyying any message in the ``lines``. If you see anything between the lines, please ignore it.

If I may borrow from Mr, TAhmad321`s # 15;

``Mera maqsad aap ka (ya kisi ka) dil dukhana nahin hai.``

My sincere and best wishes for you and your loved ones.

Eid Mubark to you and everyone on the chowk.

P.S.: I thought there was an Eid a few months back. Could somebody please explain different Eids and their significance?

Ref: Ravian One # 22

`` Among the rest, a majority falls into ``needling``, ``tamaasha dekho `` category.``

I agree with you this catagory of posts is indeed deplorable.

``When all is said and done, however, my choice would be to introduce, ``uql kay undhey... .``

Mine too.

``merey dost, ``aap`` is used in a semi generic, semi non-specific sense``

Thanks for the explaination. Even if you had not explained, no offense taken.

```Ravian` means an alumnus of Government College, Lahore. I went there for [about]one year``

I did not know the meaning of Ravian. Thanks.

``I wore the College blazer, a symbol of immeasurable status and prestige, that had the motto ``Courage To Know`` emblazoned on its upper pocket.``

I remember the blazers of my college. Can not remember what the motto was. From what little I know of Government College, Lahore, It indeed has some prestige.

``Your post or Dr. Sahib`s prescription?``

I meant Dr. Sahib`s prescription.

``I did get your message `between the lines` though``

Ravian Sahib, I have a tough enough time puyying any message in the ``lines``. If you see anything between the lines, please ignore it.

If I may borrow from Mr, TAhmad321`s # 15;

``Mera maqsad aap ka (ya kisi ka) dil dukhana nahin hai.``

My sincere and best wishes for you and your loved ones.

Eid Mubark to you and everyone on the chowk.

P.S.: I thought there was an Eid a few months back. Could somebody please explain different Eids and their significance?

My dear Ravian One:

Thanks for your post in behalf of my ``defence``. However, I am sure you know I could have taken care of all the posts. Perhaps not as well as you have, but...

I did not respond or otherwise, react, since --as one of my friends on the boards of the Chowk says -- all this activity is mental masterbation. Makes you feel good but doesn`t get you anywhere. The activity keeps you in a void of inaction and is a consequence of helplessness. My feeling is that it is a defence mechanism against inability or unwillingness to do something worthwhile; any thing, of value for their people, for their country, and for their nation.

Besides fifty years from now, what would it all mean for you? You`ll either be absent or will be having a big laugh at this all!

Forget it.

Ravian One #20, Mannyd #21

My dear Bhaii Mannyd:

My referents were Pakistanis / in / Pakistan. That is why this statement was followed by another which said, ``also internationally``. Individuals on this board, or any other, for that matter, were not my referents. A minor matter of misunderstanding, I suppose.

Also, as you are most probably aware, lemmings commit suicide --self-destruction.

The intelligence, civility, and the capacity of `expressiveness` were non-relevant to my post, which you quote. Either you, or I have fallen victim to a misunderstanding. Again, an inconsequential matter! [Mind you, Mr./Ms. (S.P. Wakil) may disagree. If he/she does, then s/he can speak up!]

You are quite right. Most of the posts, shall we say 75-80 percent [patently, a non-arguable figure], fall into the ``relevant`` category of Jagjit Singh`s geet. Among the rest, a majority falls into ``needling``, ``tamaasha dekho `` category.

I deliberately ``explained`` the word fishaar, the etymology of which, to the best of my knowledge, indicates it as derived `from Persian`. I, correctly, understood you to be `belittling` the word, and I felt it was uncalled for. Since, if / I / do not know the meaning of a word, I ask for it unashamedly. There not having been a school in my mother`s stomach, such a request doesn`t bother me. If I am in a jovial mood I may even say, ``hey, what is this mumbo jumbo, let`s say, about fishaar?`` Or, something like that.

There are two ways to deal with ``uql kay uNdhey``, etc. So what is wrong with ``Blind of intelligence, not of eyes!`` Or, ``the eyes see, the brain doesn`t``. Or, ``Brain dead, `eyes wide shut`.`` I am sure you can come up with better one(s) yet. About time we taught these `w`hite people [particularly, the North Americans] some Bhartiye English. If the Americans can say ``check`` while I still write excruciatingly unnecessary,``cheque``, then we have every right to introduce innovations of our own in the English lexicon to enable it to render expression of an idea in a simpler or easier construction. When all is said and done, however, my choice would be to introduce, ``uql kay undhey... .``

Brother, merey dost, ``aap`` is used in a semi generic, semi non-specific sense. As we use, `` `they` say...`` etc. I didn`t size you up. We can`t even properly size ourselves up, how can we size up others. Adelphi Temple`s main entrance had a motto above saying ``[Man] Know Thyself .``

You know, `Ravian` means an alumnus of Government College, Lahore. I went there for [about]one year. Lied about my matriculation diploma, the way seventeen years olds lie about their age to get into the army [a la Audie Murphy]. Everything went well, till I was caught, that is. I wore the College blazer, a symbol of immeasurable status and prestige, that had the motto ``Courage To Know`` emblazoned on its upper pocket. I never got to know myself, however. Nobody can know oneself. No. Then I cannot claim, or even be told, to have sized you up. And now Ghalib:

Kitney sheeriN haiN terey l`b keh `Raveen`[1] (Original, ``raqueeb``)

Galian khaa kay be-mazaa na hua

A goog shaier but totally out of place here. However, we shall enjoy it, in its own right. Sort of `stand alone`shaier.

[1] Poetic license

Achha Bhaii khush raho, shant raho. Aapka shubh chintak daass, Ravian One

P.S. To which serious article do you make a reference? Your post or Dr. Sahib`s prescription? In case of the former, I have commented. If you had the latter in mind, then I am afraid, I wouldn`t consider it worth a comment; unless I wrote a monograph. And I am too involved right now in trying to get the fact recognized that I have `done` a year of College, [they say, it was grade eleven!] to get a job, that I can`t write it, the monograph, not the job. I did get your message `between the lines` though. You are either too sharp for my comfort, or... you are not. In either case I don`t feel ashant.

Ref Ravian One # 20:

Dear Ravian Sahib,

` ..Why pakistanis are getting pumelled....They are lemmings..`

I do not quite agree. Most of the Pakistanis (and Indians) on this board are intelligent, civilized and expressive. That includes you and Mr. Wakil in my humble opinion.

Thanks for taking the time to explain the meaning of Fishar to some one who is Urdu-challenged. Most of the time the posts generally fall into Jagjit Singh`s song-category.

``Aap uql key undhey to awash-e ho saktey haiN, p`r aaNkh key nahiN,...``

No disagreement there. Amazing how quickly you sized me up.

Actually I got a chuckle out of `uql key undhey`. There is no easy way to translate that phrase into English. By the way my eyesight is not that great either.

Kitne shiriN haiN tere lab ki Ravian

galiyan kha ki bhi be-maja na Huya..

Look forward to your comments on this serious article on hand.

Ref Ravian One # 20:

Dear Ravian Sahib,

` ..Why pakistanis are getting pumelled....They are lemmings..`

I do not quite agree. Most of the Pakistanis (and Indians) on this board are intelligent, civilized and expressive. That includes you and Mr. Wakil in my humble opinion.

Thanks for taking the time to explain the meaning of Fishar to some one who is Urdu-challenged. Most of the time the posts generally fall into Jagjit Singh`s song-category.

``Aap uql key undhey to awash-e ho saktey haiN, p`r aaNkh key nahiN,...``

No disagreement there. Amazing how quickly you sized me up.

Actually I got a chuckle out of `uql key undhey`. There is no easy way to translate that phrase into English. By the way my eyesight is not that great either.

Kitne shiriN haiN tere lab ki Ravian

galiyan kha ki bhi be-maja na Huya..

Look forward to your comments on this serious article on hand.

Mannyd #17

1. One of Jagjit Singh`s songs goes something like this:

Baat niklay gi to buhut door chali jaei gi.

One of its interpretation is keh baat sey baat nikalti chali jaaie gi. Right? [One thing leads to another].

2. Another situation is the one in which two individual may be talking about the planning, let`s say, for the establishment of a new business for themselves since their existing one is almost going bankrupt because of changes in the structure and orientation of the market, when a third one enters the talks by saying ``but why doesn`t the Government build a railway between Delhi and Annant Naag?`` So, the original planning suffers and the discussion turns towards the possibilities of establishing railroad between those two points.

The reason(s) for the introduction of this non-sequitur:

2.a). The third person wanted to see a tamasha.

2.b). He/she wated to undermine the business plans of the first two, because,

i) The third person itself has a business in that area and fears competition.

ii) The third person is a relative who is jealous of the potential success of the conferees.

iii) A combination of the above, particularly of the 2b.(i)&(ii).

As you can see, re.1, baat sey baat to nikalti hi hai. But the #2 is a diabolical plan. This is fishaar, you understand, you fishaaria? Aap uql key undhey to awash-e ho saktey haiN, p`r aaNkh key nahiN, as Dink and Ta123 seem to be who are extending thanks and accepting them for each other for safequarding the right(s) of expressing opinion by the other, without seeing it mentioned ten times in S.P. Wakil`s posts. I`d rather see his posts on this board than of the circus jokers`. I now understand why Pakistanis are getting pummelled both in their own home by each other, by the Indians and by others internationally. They are lemmings!

Lawyer for Ousted Pakistan PM

Gunned Down

March 10, 2000 10:29 AM EST

KARACHI (Reuters) - Unidentified gunmen shot dead a lawyer defending Pakistan`s ousted prime minister Nawaz Sharif against a possible death sentence in a daylight

attack on his city center offices Friday.

Police and witnesses said Iqbal Raad, a leading member of Sharif`s defense team, died from a volley of bullets to his chest. An office assistant and the visiting son of a High

Court judge who were in the premises were also killed.

Pakistani military ruler General Pervez Musharraf called the killing ``a dastardly act of terrorism.``

The murder happened just weeks before President Clinton visits Pakistan.

A spokesmen for Sharif`s Pakistan Muslim League (PML), which was ousted in a bloodless Oct. 12 coup by Musharraf, said Raad had received a number of threats but declined to elaborate.

``For the past some days he was complaining that he was receiving threats,`` Raja Zafarul Haq told Reuters in Islamabad.

He declined to comment on a possible motive for the slaying, but said it would hamper Sharif`s defense, which resumes Monday.

The head of the legal team defending Sharif, Khwaja Sultan, said that the defense was ``terrified at the killing and would like to know the motives behind it.``



We have our own problems, let US deal with them. Get off our backs you PunjBrahm monkies who have started coming down from the trees.

So far as TaDickn are concerned. My opinion is la`aanat ho tum p`r. You will defend my right to express my opinion, won`t you? Thaannkk you.

Fairdinkum,

Thanks for taking the time to uphold my right to express my views. I shall try to go easy on you next time I catch you off-guard in any of your posts on chowk. Cheers :-)

Wakil Sahib,

Aap nae meri tanqeed ko nahin maana, yeh aap ki marzi hai. Aap ko meri tanqeed ka tareeqa pasand nahin aya, is ka mujhay afsos hai. Mera maqsad aap ka (ya kisi ka) dil dukhana nahin hai.

Re: S P Wakil #9

Dear Mr. Wakil,

You are probably not familiar with chowk interactive. We have freedom of thought and expression here. Respondents are free to comment on other responses, and exchange views. The idea is to have a debate happening - preferably relevant to the subject of the article/essay/poem under review. However, sometimes one thing leads to another, and people veer off to an entirely different direction to that of the original subject matter. There is nothing wrong with that either…after all, this ain`t Mullah Omar’s madarsah!

Tahmad321 is perfectly within his rights to comment on your reply or anybody else’s reply for that matter. You shouldn’t take it personally or get offended by it at all. You must realize that this is a public forum, if you don’t like people commenting on what you write, then you shouldn’t post here.

Cheers,

Fairdinkum

Wakil Sahib,

It appears from your post that you were forced to read Dr. Husnain Sahib`s article, thereby depriving you of quality time with BBC, CBC, children (in that order, per your letter). Could you please share with chowkwalas the process through which you were forced to sign on to internet and then forced to stay away from your loved ones until you had completely read the article. I am sure that web page designers and other aspiring internet entrepreneurs across the world will bless you all the way to the bank for sharing this knowledge with them.

PS Incidentally, I thought Dr. Hasnain`s was one of the more thoughtful articles on chowk.

Different strokes for different folks, seems to be the prescription here for Pakistan. I have no doubt the patient will get soon get well should the good doctor`s advice be followed.

Who, incidentally, is the genius at chowk who made is trying to attract attention to an article on politics by using suggestive language (``one hour of sweet passion``)?