The Dinner Guest

#22 Posted by wayfarer on October 13, 2004 12:41:19 pm

#17
Temporal

Temporal, where is this from? Not your own?:)

``Hay ki kiya taareef karouN
hay bhee aur nahiN bhee hay
yahaN hay aur oodhar bhee hay
agar na hota tou bhee hota
aq’l o feh’m maiN na hota
tou khaab o naf’s main hota
suna hay
woh Mohammed bhee hay
aur oos ka Rehman bhee hay
kabhi Ram hay kabhi Bud’h hay
kabhi tujh maiN hay
kabhi muj’h main hay
gharaz, jidhar talak pohanch hay
khayalat ka taana baana jata hay
hur taraf bus woh hee woh hay. ``

#21 Posted by parmid on March 31, 2001 7:32:17 pm

Another damn poem!

#20 Posted by Godot on February 18, 2001 10:28:57 am

Re: temporal #17

I`m sorry, but this ``joke`` of yours is in very poor taste. Apology not accepted.

#19 Posted by Studebaker on February 17, 2001 3:55:59 pm

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#18 Posted by Mahim on February 17, 2001 3:55:59 pm

Dear Kaneez,

I started really enjoying your poem halfway down, when the play with language grew tighter. There is an echo of Emily Dickenson`s darkness in your lines; the sun and the boil filled with pus. What a comparison. There are also some other truly origninal lines:

bunsen burners under their bottoms is my fav.

also cone heads pinioned with brylcreem. My favourite verse is the one with the police quote. I think that your enjambment or line breaks are right on the mark.

In the beginning, if you will allow some criticism, you seem to be straining at fitting the rhyme in because you`ve chucked out some definite and indefininte articles. like (a) and (the). Perhaps a little editing will fix that.

Love Mahim.

#17 Posted by temporal on February 17, 2001 2:06:44 pm

Omarphoenix 14:

[... On another note, the greatness of Urdu lies with the fact that the word ``is`` or ``Hai`` can and very often, does lie at the end of the sentence. This is not true of English. The result, whereas Urdu can be poetic, philosophical and much more fluidic, English cannot reach that level...]

Haven’t you heard this.

A man dies and goes up there. When he is brought before the Mighty One, this man begs to ask one question first before his fate is decided. Permission was granted.

He asks, “Is you black or is you white?”

“I am what I am,” comes the reply.

“Is you black or is you white?” he repeats.

“I am what I am, my child.”
``Come on man. level with me, man is you black or is you white.”

With just a tinge of irritation comes the reply, “ Listen carefully my child, I did not say I is what I is!”

(Apologies to those who can’t enjoy this. Admittedly, this has a distinctly North American flavour.)

regards,

t

PS: Also, did you add the snails and plecostomus?

PPS: As for your attempted insinuations against this language, since I am I am biased in favour of both the languages I will leave that for hamid or someone else to reply. Paging hamidm!

PPPS:

Hay ki kiya taareef karouN
hay bhee aur nahiN bhee hay
yahaN hay aur oodhar bhee hay
agar na hota tou bhee hota
aq’l o feh’m maiN na hota
tou khaab o naf’s main hota
suna hay
woh Mohammed bhee hay
aur oos ka Rehman bhee hay
kabhi Ram hay kabhi Bud’h hay
kabhi tujh maiN hay
kabhi muj’h main hay
gharaz, jidhar talak pohanch hay
khayalat ka taana baana jata hay
hur taraf bus woh hee woh hay.

#16 Posted by SaimaShah on February 16, 2001 12:02:30 pm

Hi Kaneez

I am quite speechless with the creative brillance and empathy in this poem.

#15 Posted by hamidm on February 16, 2001 11:57:31 am

..... i have never written a poem, but now i am tempted to .... but may the good lord strike me deader than byron before i torment his creation with bad verse ....... i suggest all would-be poets post their stuff on http://www.coffeeshoptimes.com/badpoet.html so that rsaxena and urstruly can get on with the important stuff ........ i give it five more posts before we hear from the hyenas that prowl the LOC ..

#14 Posted by Omarphoenix on February 16, 2001 11:57:31 am

Dear Kaneez,

Man! that was neat. I loved the flow; flowed like green phlegm down a child`s gullet. Beutiful. You gotta tell us the inspirations, mechanics and the dynamics behind the work.

On another note, the greatness of Urdu lies with the fact that the word ``is`` or ``Hai`` can and very often, does lie at the end of the sentence. This is not true of English. The result, whereas Urdu can be poetic, philosophical and much more fluidic, English cannot reach that level.

T, I`m hoping you`ll correct me at my ignorance:-)

Take care

Omar Phoenix

#13 Posted by Chotu on February 16, 2001 11:57:31 am

Nice. I`d be lying if I said I understood everything though. Some parts flowed the way they do in Dr.Seuss`s poems. I think that did it for me.

Peace

#12 Posted by temporal on February 15, 2001 5:06:53 pm

sac #8:

[... Pardon my ignorance but what is a `daishatgard`?..]

Try deh-shut-gurd. Terrorist.

[...Come on man get out of your funk. You are becoming as incomprehensible as George Bush...]

OK. Since you brought it up....

---Slave/Servant of the Generous One: Kaneez Rehman
---Pleonastic: n; The use of more words than are required to express an idea; redundancy.
---Redundant: of or involving redundancy in the transmission of messages. (OK: Will admit this to be an in joke also between Kaneez, Rehan and I.
---delphic: obscurely prophetic
---oracular: obscure.
---apocryphal: of questionable authorship or authenticity (my attempt at self-deprecating humour)
---enigmatic:of or resembling an enigma; puzzling

And do you still think I am/was incomprehensible as in ---(a) Difficult or impossible to understand or comprehend; unintelligible or (b) Impossible to know or fathom?

(sigh)

The other shoe is yet to drop. Come on hamidm, get it over with.

regards

temporal

#11 Posted by sac on February 15, 2001 3:54:31 pm

Great poem Kaneez. Pardon my ignorance but what is a `daishatgard`?

And temporal: Come on man get out of your funk. You are becoming as incomprehensible as George Bush.

later

-sac

#10 Posted by Asim on February 15, 2001 3:54:31 pm

``Kaneez Rahman

Hay sab say uper``

Taahmed Sahib,

Lagta hai aap bhi Kaneez Sahiba ki verbal imagery sey meri tureh buhat mutaasir haay hain... Adaab :)

Sincerely,

Asim

#9 Posted by SaadPAslam on February 15, 2001 3:54:31 pm

Fascinated by the mix and match of languages; ever noticed how people are even beginning communicate like this! I foresee emergence of a new language.

#8 Posted by zaib on February 15, 2001 3:54:31 pm

Kaneez....i am always so completely imperessed with how you use your words/experiences and it seems to capture my life. Amazing word-smith.