On Issues of Identity and Friendship

Laila Abedi,

I like what you`re saying.

PS. You forgot to add the term ``Pakistani-Muslim`` in the last paragraph as well.

Hamidm2:

I know exactly what you are saying and i would be a hypocrit if i deny it because i am in the middle of sorting out a dysfunctional Pakish family, the awful language they use and the the way girls behave is not far from the way you described it.

Even the the female article writers started using four letter words and giggle about it. This is a new poud of Pakistani women for you!

All societies are made up of the Good, the Confused and the Ugly. Good can look after themselves; however, Confused need help and I would like to help and would try to salvage the Ugly though have no good plan for it. Wouln`t you rather ike to help your community? ... because the lambs are all silent out there.

You still owe an apology to Pakish community!

mkmalik

mkmalick,

............ so you think ``frigid lesbians`` and ``flaming drag queens`` is foul language?...........that is the problem with us desi parents - we are completely out of touch with reality .......... do you know that your seventeen year old daughter probably uses the word ``fcuk`` half a dozen times a day ?............. and the irony is that she uses it in place of subhallah, jazakallah, mashallah and alhamdolillah .............like ``fcuk i can`t eat another piece of piaaz, i am stuffed``, instead of ``alhadolillah, i am full``............ or, ``fcuk, he looks hot``, instead of, ``mashalah, what a handsome young man``.................that is why i said we paki parents should be pitied and ignord by our kids ................

Laila,

There are times when it is important to tell the truth, especially when it is so close and intimate to you like the identity. What you are faced with is not the question of the general issue of identity faced by the immigrants, it is a special case due to the nature of pak identity. I can well understand your desire to be some one else, when pakistan is knowk for nuclear proliferation, for terrorists like osama hinding in pak territory, with pak origins arrested in UK for planning terrorism.
It is terribel to say, `` sirry I am a pakistani``. Some have tried to say that they are desis, it doesnt help, no one wants to be bracketted with pakistanis, of course some from north india like dost mitte could offer you solace. It is terrible, but do not try to mask it as a generalised problem of identity, it is a tragic case of pak reality.
May be make a change, try to create a new pak identity, how aqbout writing an article honouring abdus salam, that could be a first step in creating a new pak identity dominated by gaznabvis and ghouris.

As I understand both Laila Abedi and #19 Hamidm2 gave out the same message though each stated it differently; message from Laila is polite and cultured while the one from Hamidm2 stinks with foul language. Nevertheless, i do agree with both writers and it is good that they raised issues facing our young generation growing up in the western society.

We the elders did the best we could to bring up our children with the little education we had. Most of us come from rural parts of Pakistn with hardly any education at all. Our government made no effort to provide us with cultural, religious and social incidental utility services we needed to guide us through the maze of western society. That is why our kids are falling prey to those clerics who misrepresent Islam and we the older generation are too naive to comprehend it.

Their are always failures as well as successes when bringing up children in every society; I wonder whether the elders who come from other third world countries did any better. However, there is no reason for Hamidm2 to take a swipe at our Pakish community the way he did. It seems the man has screwed himself up and is suffering from obsessive-compulsive whingeing disorder for which he needs help; and if he wishes to turn white, I suggest he get in touch with Michael Jackson for advice. I wish he would revisit Chowk.com to apologize for his vulgar language and would set the record straight for himself.

I hope that the views of both writers would provide some rationale towards the predicaments of our young generation growing up in the western society.

I ask our educated pakistanis not to observe `silence of the lambs` attitude, please express your views as we in the west both young and old need your advice. And I would request the editors of the Chowk.com to keep this article on display for at least another month; the issue is too important to disappear in the trailing end of the list of articles.

``#29 by rozaiba

Johnny_bravo, well Ispahani’s posts are always a treat now and then. It’s hard to figure out what’s being said but I’m sure he is trying to say something- one day the truth of it may just hit us! : ``

rozaiba,

Truth has revealed .....


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rozaiba,

In my interact, I co-related that I drive in straight line.
Johnny_bravo, well Ispahani’s posts are always a treat
The advertisers org above and Cult org individuals need solace
(prayer would be the correct place since their legs are in the
proverbial grave)..:-D .

This bold approach by illegals and some kind of arrest news
confirm ..

News today via radio and papers from UK Canada USA Saudi
Arabia ,Wana,karachi Lahore Islamabad took me by surprise.

My bank near radio office has reported that my bank file signatures
gone missing .

I am going to inform RCMP SCOTLAND YARD fB Iinterpol about radio
advert as real treat - home and abroad.

It is not possible to utter name of Allah and be engaged in iblis activities
without proverbial implications.

......... the problem with the paki-muslim-american is the double hyphen .............for god`s sake, get over it !......... there is absolutely nothing in the muslim-paki baggage that you are carrying around........ yes, it is baggage, not heritage .......... really nothing to be proud of........ the irish are not proud of their drunkeness and the italian are not proud of their thieving ways - are they?........

.......... most paki parents, specially the muslim variety, do their children a big disfavor by pushing their silly muslimness and pakiness on them, turning them into frigid lesbians, flaming drag queens, suicidal jihadis or simply confused idiots who can`t tell their elbow from a hole in the ground ......... what a waste! ........... go, be a proud american - you were born free unlike your poor parents who, like me, were born with this terrible condition that consumes us ............

...............you don`t have to be anything, just be yourself ......... if you want to stink up your house with biryani and then go out shopping at k-mart with six clips in your hair like your mother, go ahead, do it ............ you were born free ........ if you want to sprawl on the couch like your father eating moong ki dal and licking your fingers and whining, ``....... there is a jewish conspiracy against us muslims ......... i will never get promoted to supervisor because i am brown and muslim and the jews own everything and we will never have muslim toilets in this country ``........ go ahead, do it ......... you were born free .............but for god`s sake stop whining ......... why don`t you go to a concert or hang out at starbucks or download some crap from kazaa like all the other american kids, instead of brooding over your imaginary problems ................leave it up to us foggies who, like i said, were born with this horrible affliction ......... i wish i was born white, or at least american like you..... but i wasn`t ; so it is okay for me to mope and whine - it is in my nature ............instead of enjoying the fine merlot, i say silly things like, ``there is nothing like murree brewery`s london lager``..........i even worry about being buried in a cemetary somewhere in ohio and waking up to be surrounded by ghosts of white men and women who look like richard simmons nad tammy faye ......... i have these terrible fears because i was born a mslim-paki .......... what`s your problem?......... you were born free ............ don`t waste your life .......... your parents are very sick people - love them and pity them, but don`t inherit their horrible disorders .............

How you dare call yourself a Pakistani-Muslim, dear Laila? Have you filled in and submitted the `Halafnama` (declaration) about your faith as a Muslim which all Pakistanies have to do? The Pakish identity is allowed only to the `Halfia Muslims`. Even the muslims who had voted Pakistan into existence are required to fill up a `halafnama` if they now claim to be muslims. Our identity and the sense of belonging has now become a matter of faith to be decided not by our own Allah but by a Ghair-Allah, a nefarious therocratic beaurocracy of Pakistan having no faith at all.

its a well written essay, however, for the obvious reason I failed to make a connection

With the loss of empathy you also tend to alienate yourself from your surroundings- you become a monster in the surroundings- a zombie- one who has forgotten to feel emotions of LOVE for a human being . You forget that the other person is also made of flesh and blood like you- you feel that he has no right to live because he is not like you.
This is what OUR stupid culture brainwashes us into believing.

Well written Laila Abedi !

I especially liked :

``What I previously failed to comprehend is that I cannot, and should not, attempt to separate my american identity from my pakistani-muslim identity. They are fused together so tightly within my whole identity that trying to separate them only creates something false. They can all co-exist but simply need to be reconciled with one another.``

We need more articles like this on CHOWK.

The main problem that I have had is with seeing many members of my community attempt to shut out the American side of their identity. It is not a choice. Pakistani-Americans are
BOTH.

Life does not have to be lived here within the domain of the Mosque or Islamic center.
If you want to pray in my house you are welcome. If you don`t, you are welcome.
But if you preach hate, you are not!

Since I was not born here and came to the US as a teenager, I cannot fully relate
to your experience. But I too learned that Christians, Hindus and Jews etc. can be
good friends (and some Muslims cannot).

Good to read your work.

Ras

kawa chala hans ki chal apni chal bhi bhool gaya!

Quote: ``There is something very comforting about seeing yourself in another individual, and knowing that you are not alone in your experiences.``

That is the most poignant line in the whoel article. It almost brought tears to my eyes.
Well laila Abedi, you should know, your piece made me, see myself, in you.

It is amazing how there is a growing number of Pakistani-Americans who have experienced what Laila has so beautifully presented. I could personally relate to every feeling that is expressed, and I couldn`t agree more that the one crucial element missing from these non-Pakistani relationships is empathy. Good work!

9/11 is a real shocker...


Welcome to Reality....!!


it will be interesting....to find out....the impact of 9/11 on this sudden realization. !!

ABCD`s are so *yawn*


Zzzzzzz....