Catfood and Little Women

Excellent Amrita. This was good and refreshing. Need more of such stuff to brighten chowk.

Re: # 49

what is happening in marriages these days is beyond comprehension. Too many factors, problems and issues. The bigest problem to me is the change in roles and immaturity on the part of both the people. Every marriage is different and may have different problems. These problems compound when every TOm, Dick and Harry intervenes and gives their opinion.
I do believe friendship is the key to a long lasting relationship with trust and respect . The irony is that these simple things are not present in most relationships.

Re: # 45
:) :) :) :) Ok, too much information! But very far from offended. :) :) :)

sajal - I think we are starting 2 see some things same way.
Friendship, mutual respect & trust r the most imp. What I see in many marriages is codependency - physical, emotional, what have u.
Thats y they end up in severe discord or where 1 partner owns the other.

Re # 47

DrDr,
I said so before marriage depends on two people not just one. If one does not want to then he/she should not have to, is all I am saying.
If your parents are still friends then that must be what works for them. Sometimes, distancing a little bit is for preserving one`s own self. Their friendship might be what is saving their marriage.
Marriage is a long hard road that one has to travel , if there is love the journey becomes relatively easy.

sajal - I see pics of homeless sleeping in pavements with kids & all. How do they procreate - do they go 2 love hotels or something? Copulation takes all of 5 minutes.

Im not prying but in a relationship where u share a bed w/ ur partner coz u want 2 does the partner have the freedom 2 say he/she doesnt want 2?
My parents have different schedules, have their own private rooms & they r 2 friends living together who raised a family.

RE # 40

I was trying to understand what u meant by,
`` Im turned off by dragon breath & body odor. When theres sex ur too busy to notice.`` So I assumed since you are a man you meant that for a woman.

I am a woman so naturally I have feminine views, Secondly why would I`` believe shit doesnt stink`` as you put it so crudely.

I believe in love and to me when you love someone u make decisions together.
I do not believe in a loveless marriage and believe me I feel bad for people who have to live in a loveless union for whatever reasons.
As for your question, I was married and when I was I slept with my husband as lying next to someone I love was comforting to me. I did becasue i wanted to not because i had to and that is the difference.

RE # 42

If they didnt sleep together then how did they procreate? Maybe on a shedule like once or twice they would tell the elders please put us in a room tonight as we need to sleep together tonight after all we are married!!!!

Re: # 41

This is truely last. While dropping to air port a friend and biz associate started and came to your comment while playing around history in the car.

> if you have a sixteen year old (or was that more of your sp mistakes?)

this comment of yours is coming from Chitta of vicious Shrupanakha. I hope you do some Tapas to clear it. Yes! you could be my daughter. Beti, you need psycho help. First stop writing and sublimate your harmonal thoughts. Most of our thoughts are mere sensations a play of harmones and cacaphony of indriyas due to lack of integrity (Dhyarya). Logging of these thoughts can never be Sundar (beauty which leads to bliss) artifact, since they are not based on Satya (Parmanent truth) or Inspirational (Shivam) flow of consciousness. Take a time out from writing, internet etc and attend Vipassana meditation. It`s free. There are places near NYC or better in Igatpuri, Maharashtra.

FYI, for long time even after marriage I considered intercourse was only for procreation. Both of us did not mind because the creative juices were being used for studies, career etc. To tell you the truth which might help, since I called you beti, I used to pray the IshtaDevta and KulaDevi before intercourse. I thought whole thing a serious (divine) ritual. You may call me Devdass and my dear wife devdassi. When I went for my reco for my PhD app and lived with my IIT Prof in his house for 7 days, I saw this Cambridge PhD Bangali Bramhin`s real life style (Kriya Yog, meditation etc). I still remember his words, your career, PhD etc does not matter for the most of us the best gift we can give to this world is our children. Because of this I felt soooo responsible after the birth of my son, a very blissful, funny and free kid. Too much of my perfectionist attitude might have made a dent in his confidence. Now I treat him just as a friend, ...he makes his own decisions.

Hope your MTVized mind gets cleared. I hope you are not offended. We are all product of our circumstances when not living fully as human. Vigilant intellect, Bhakti and Karma Yoga helps in not getting affected by circumstances.

Again Take Care! Most important Be Happy! This world is funny Maya!
Thanks to the friend, in correcting my verbal bursts.

This needs to be the last one.

Ill ask them again but from what I remember it used 2 b rare 4 couples to share a bed what w/ mom dad aunts & uncles all living together.

Re: # 42
How do you mean, ``this man woman sleeping together thing is a fairly new phenomenon in India`` ?

amrita - Im neither married nor a desi so I wudnt know. But desi friends say that this man woman sleeping together thing is a fairly new phenomenon in India. So your desi husband might be ok w/ it.

Re: # 39
Baal - I`d say something but you wouldnt understand it. So never mind. And pls, feel free to call me Amrita - I presume you must be old enough to be my father if you have a sixteen year old (or was that more of your sp mistakes?). And thank you for the kind words below. I am now very happy. And I promise to use my powers only for the forces of Good.


#40
DrDr - not married so I didnt chip in before but that`s one of the things that`s stuck in my mind - how would an arranged husband react if I suddenly said: I`d like a separate bedroom pls. And I really would, you know. Unless he`s employed in something that keeps him away from home a lot or even a little so that we arent together 24/7. Did you have to handle something like that? If you didnt, how would you react? Interested to know if its not too intrusive.

Dear sajal - Thanx 4 ur ``feminine views`` but I did not refer 2 ``a woman`` in any of my posts. A stinkin dog is a stinkin dog & a stinkin person is a stinkin person unless u believe that ur or ur consort`s shit doesnt stink.
U see our bodies r factories 4 bacteria in & out. U cud wash up twice a day but the critters always win by doing their nasties on u when uve been laying in bed for 8 - 10 hrs.
We had a discussion under another topic abt marriages. Related 2 that I think sharing the same bed w/ some1 is a sign of codependency. I assume u r married. Cud u sleep on another bed if u wanted 2 w/o raising ur partner`s suspicion? Think abt it.

last post! Amruta Didi you are probably good word smith. Just write for harmony not harmonal.

Chowk=walas whyv do you allow the divorce brigade stop here. They have live ammunition.
Bring some happily married or baratis stop here.

Again best of luck to uou guys. But I see futility of this chowk. In the short term India economic power will solve most of the problems in the subcontinent.

Be Happy

Probably the last post.

I am curious about what makes a good writer. Was Gandhi a true writer or IqBaal? As I see this IqBaal guy wrote Sare Jahan Se Accha Hindustan Hamara Hum Bulbule Usaki etc one time. Dont know if the reason was some lifafa or was he high on some bubble of gudgudi, hukka-Pani. Jalianwala does not make him give up his Sirhood. He does not do anything for Indians. I mean schools, jobs etc. or works against social evils. Later the same IqBaal wanted to burst the Bulbula. Guy cared a lot about Urdu, Parsiam and Arabic but sent his own kids to English mediums and UK for higher education.

Compare this with Gandhi. Probably a writer with simple short sentences and simple vocabulary. He followed inspirational thought into words and then his own individual actions and followed by forming organization, societal actions leading to some institutions. Who is true writer? One who writes with his own blood and sweat or one who writes only on piece of paper. Someone who writes, puts in action and checks the validity of it, corrects it if necessary or some one who writes flowery, with lot of symbols may give temporary high.

That is why Gandhi, Anna Hazare`s are better writers, Insaans. One who have integrity (Dhyarya) and Vivek (dont know how to translate
but choosing always the path of growth and common good but at the same time supported by practical reality, what Buddha called Pradnya).

Amritadidi, take up a real job or cause. Words will come as inspiration. No one needs training to be a writer. Same thing I tell my 16 year old. If you exercise well, do meditation then your whole demeanor and persona will express. If words have to be expressed they will come naturally. One first need higher thoughts which can be supported by one`s own life and the reality around us.

Before you brandish your label gun, please consider the fact that I am not a higher caste Hindu. Even if I were how does it matter. Probablt for Pakistanis it matters.