Doves

Beejay:
But ofcourse! How silly of me!!!
SK.

#22 Sameena (part)

My analysis in #14 was given in an honest manner, and was not an attempt to get anyone (especially me) into trouble.

It is difficult to give you my comments on your translation of an original Urdu work when (1) I have not read the original, (2) I can’t read Urdu, and (3) (according to some) I also can’t read English.

Perhaps you could have separated the thoughts, letter quotes, spoken quotes, and author’s narrations in certain ways – maybe using quotation marks, italics, etc. It would have probably made it easier for me the reader to follow it along. But there is a chance that it may have been too intrusive into the original author’s style. Therefore, strictly a judgment call! A little bit of introductory paragraph of your own regarding who the original writer is, the circumstances of the story, why you consider it worthwhile to translate, and perhaps a discussion of some of the “regional” meanings of terms (discussed in other interacts) can probably enhance its usefulness further.

sameena:

I don`t think that you goofed on Lobh Singh. Laabh Singh is a more popular name but it would be written differently. BTW the meaning of the two words is different as you would know from your Hindi. Lobh means greed while Laabh means profit.

The use of Kariat reminds me of the post cards in old days; no matter how many bad news were there to convey, the letter always ended with ``baaqee sab khairiyat hai``.

dw:
I do not know where Chhiwanda is situated.

Bupinder:
Thankyou. I wish I could provide any url but I have none.

Beejay:
That was quite an analysis!. But how did I fair?!
;)

Khammy:
Will try. Its nice to see you keep them coming on the front page!

Dost Mittarji:
I am afraid honour is for aap janaab and welfare for qairiyat!!
Don`t tell me I have goofed up with Lobh Singh too!
I don`t think this particular story is o the internet...

Kaura:
I can see what you mean but kya kar sakte hain?
Life has to go on, here or there...
Thanks for the appreciation though...

Shobig:
Cheem-waw-noon-daal-alif came across as chonda to me!!!

Ana:
Thats a relief to know!

Regards to all,
Saman Khan.

Re: # 19
DM Sir,
Is this the same Chawinda as in Battle of Chawinda in 1971 war with Pakistan?

writers and poets don`t always use zair zabar paish and the longer vowels. neither do most of us. which does make it harder for those of us to read words we haven`t come across before. i suspect that like persian, the thing is to wean us away from the short vowels (zair, zabar, paish) at least.

poets did this as part of ``poetic`` language. for example faiz, in some of his poems, did not use longer vowels. so if you read a verse with the word ``khamoshi`` but without his adding the paish or the ``vau`` and you ignored the context altogether. it would read as ``khamshi.`` (perhaps this was also done for purposes of meter. . . or khamoshi without the `vau` was how it was written in classical urdu/persian)

for students of advanced urdu the absence of short and long vowels may not pose a problem, but for those not so advanced. . . it`s still a guessing game. :)

shobig_sifar#18:

``One lil correction, the town`s name is pronounced as chawinda, not chonda. :)``

Joginder Paul made the same mistake as Lobh Singh; he did not use zer/zabar or vowels :-)

One lil correction, the town`s name is pronounced as chawinda, not chonda. :)

Many people (me included) long for and dream about our homes we voluntarily left behind. Not a moment goes by when I remember snippets of my childhood I spent back ``home``. One can only imagine the plight and pain of the people who were forced out....even the second and third generation of refugees say `sada pind kasur kol ey, jay waheguru nu manjoor, jaa kay aawan gay`...........I saw the anguish of Lobh Singh in the face of people after 84 carnage.........only the sufferer of pain knows...the world is oblivious like Lobh Singh`s son who dubbed him `crazy`...........nature`s way of continuing

Sameena:

Thanks for the story. Translation seems to lose some of the oiginal flavour. Is ``honour`` a translation for ``janab`` and what is ``welfare`` in original Urdu? Is the original available on the Internet?

This was brilliant: ``And the five waters of Punjab gushed from his eyes into his mouth and beard``.

saman,
smooth transition from urdu to english of a good story reminds one of qasmi and bedi who wrote extensively on punjabi ethos so brilliantly... technical aspect of this particular mode of urdu afsana nigari probably goes back to the early days and the first name that comes to my mind is hijab imtiaz ali who was a master at weaving stories within stories and was influenced by french writers, but i digress...keep them coming.

Sameena:

This story is very touching! In my view, most victims of the partition were innocent pawns in the game that high-profile politicians pulled on a more-than-willing population (some of which “more-than-willing” specimens continue to grace these same web pages, WAY past their prime, no doubt!)

For many refugees, the pining for the “home” they left behind never stops. The reality of course is that such “home” only exists in their minds and if they do ever return, they will more than likely be very disheartened by reality. The last line of the story epitomizes it in some ways – the friend he was writing to had already passed away and only lived in his memories.

Another thing that comes through load and clear is that a letter can NEVER adequately substitute for the in-person, being there, and hands-on experience of little things of which, after all, life is made. A letter will always filtered by its writer, for a variety of reasons.

An aside – like others here, I detest the way the (original) author started every sentence in a new paragraph! It ruins the reading experience for me.

[We small people would meet just to embrace each other.]
Friends and neighbors always get to know, like, and even form close bonds with each other. The unfortunate fact is that does not stop those same folks from staying passive while other of their kith and kin are doing cruel things to other individuals that they don’t know on an individual basis – because their passive mindset is inherited, they are too ignorant or stubborn to change it, and many times just too chicken even to face up to it. It is my observation/opinion that in case of many on this web site (especially (but not only) Muslims), that remains the case, and the level of education appears to have a zero correlation with that mindset! I only hope that the next generation can call that bluff because obviously the current one is not going anywhere in solving this problem.

Brilliant.

It takes a lot for any writing to make me weepy. This worked.

Only wish I read Urdu to truly get the flavour of the original. The translation works, but...

Good job, Saman.

Dear readers,
I am not guilty for the length of the story; blame it on Joginder Paul!
Anyways, thankyou all for appreciating the effort.
It was a tiresome task but had to it as I received the story as part of Katha`s Story Writing Competion some years back, a fact I forgot to mention in the foot note. Joginder Paul`s work is published by urdubazaar.com but it doesn`t feature this particularl story.

Ana:
Thankyou again. Your pat on the back means a lot. I don`t exactly remember the number of pages but the story indeed was as long as the translation. Since its a flash backcumpresent narration, the tenses seem to be a bit unnerving. I too was a bit perturbed but couldn`t help it.
My best wishes and good luck with your translation effort. Looking forward to read it.

T,
Kyon zakhmon per namak chidakte hain? Baaz aajayein!

Faiza,
A word from you at last!
Thanks for the appreciation..........
Alls well in the family........
Hope the same at your end.........
Gawd! This sounds like a letter!
Cheers!
And keep writing...

Subroto,
Thanks. How`s Nawab doing?

Regards,
Saman Khan.

saman:

i would really like to read this in urdu now. it is just a little curious that he didn`t write this in punjabi since so much of the ethos in this is punjabi, the way the first names are pronounced, etcetera. you`ve captured it all quite well.

it was difficult, not because of the length, but because of how the flashback is utilized. this story is about memory, and the deceiving (not the word i`m thinking of, but the only one my vocabulary allows at the moment) nature of it, and we are deceived in the reading process.

like subroto said. . (and khalil gibran, i think) a smile and a tear. :)

are the breaks in paragraphs in the original version as well? am working on ashfaq ahmad translations, khudaiya, the man is heartless with run-on sentences and longish paragraphs!!

nicely done saman. and do bring more when you can.
--ana

Salam Saman Sahiba

Hope you are well...can`t comment on the translation since I have never read the story in Urdu, but the story itself is quite interesting. Thanks for translating it. I miss your own short stories...the ones with the hyderabadi phrases intermingled with english prose...Take care and hope all is well with your family.

Faiza Hussain