What will I teach my daughter?

Dear hamidm;

Before thise article leaves the board, I would like to reiterate one point. It`s your prerogative to scrub the floors, wash the bathroom with a toothbrush and paste, cook sehri and iftari for everyone after getting back from work and do whatever you have to do. There was no malice or sarcasm in my previous post towards you.

To each their own.

To share with you something very personal: I do not believe in having babies in the worldly sense. I treat my projects and various initiatives I have on my plate as my babies. I take care of them and gain an immense sense of contentment as each of my babies reaches a certain stage. I would lie if I say that I do not have vested interest in the good upbringing and grooming of my babies. I am very passionate and territorial about them. I invest time, emotions and myself throughout their lifecycle. My way of seeing the concept may seem an eccentric way to others. Do I care? Hell, no!

Re: # 149

Sattar:

The blackberry example was sweet.

hamidm, an after thought …

… and zahra chiding you on less-than-maximum utility of your time is just as annoying as tahmed telling me not to pick up women on chowk. wtf??? We live in atrocious times, among cultural savages who, when their population reaches the critical mass, have historically brought about the downfall of human thought and civilization. If lectures on quran don’t kill you, using a blackberry to keep track of your dry-cleaning surely will …

Re: # 146

subroto,

............ you are right............ but those wonderful years go by in a flash, so enjoy every moment ! ............

Teach her about Jinnah :)

AFS

Jeez! Where are the younger fathers on this thread? Azmat the fact that you are already thinking about how to bring up your daughter makes you a good dad in my eyes. Now forget about everything that you wrote here. There are manuals on bringing up children but unfortunately the children refuse to cooperate. The most important lesson to be imparted is not about religion and morals and tolerance - its about potty training. In the coming months you will be surprised how much your conversation with your spouse will revolve around the bowel movements of the young one. Get used to the terms ``hard, soft or lovely jubbly``.

Discipline is important but be a kid with your kid. I often hear my young one say ``My dad`s silly`` but there is a sense of pride in that. Hide and seek, dodge ball, getting a ride on the trampoline, or just running away from the ``tickly monster`` these games may not be taught in schools but apart from being fun help you bond with your children in a manner that text books can`t explain. Read from the scriptures but tell your stories too. My elder one who turned eight this year is a voracious reader but even now she will join her four year old sister in clamouring for a ``make up story``.

While Mummy may do the bulk of the cooking it is the dads who make the special stuff from time to time, like the tandoori chicken, pizzas, pasta, noodles, pies and meat curries. Notice the absence of green vegetables. I still love reminding my wife of the time my dearest first born said ``Mama is you learn to make tandoori chicken like papa then you will know everything``. So while you may waste your precious hours in making things for them - it is always worth it. Of course there will be days when that dish so lovingly made and a favourite dish to boot does not appeal any more. ``Yukky! I don`t like it, I never eat it``.

But its not just them who will be learning. Its a whole new learning experience for you.
``Pick up your toys S``.
``Why Dadi?``
``Because you can`t leave them on the floor. You must learn to look after your things``.
``But why Dadi? Why do I have look after them?``
``Because things cost money, you can`t be careless and throw them around. Nothing in life comes for free``.
``Not everything. Something`s are free``.
``Like what?``
``Like a rainbow. You can`t buy rainbow in a shop``.
Wisdom from a four year old. Sometimes kids can teach us a valuable lesson.

Correction:

Paul McCartney`s concert dates - 10/04 and 10/05.

MJ,

….. I do get a decent meal every now and then … esp. after sex. Although at times mrs sattar can’t help but wonder if I really have a job … or if I leave the house every morning and hang around downtown pubs all day. Come to think of it, it’s not a bad way to spend the day … if only I can come up with money to pay the bills at the end of each month …..

Sattar,

You are such a poor fellow. Mrs. sattar should acknowledge your right to a decent meal. I get away with not cooking at a lesser price than you. Or may be, Mrs. Sattar is too hard to handle for a humbler man like you.

hamidm,

Agreed somewhat, but cooking and cooking are two different things. It is one thing to cook when the family is gone shopping and the mistress is out of town … and another to cook everyday, to feed one’s stomach as well as one’s gene-carriers. Heck, as a hobby even I enjoy cooking … and am quite good at it too. In my college days I also found it to be an inexpensive, more efficient way to seduce members of the charming gender …

But when it comes to nurturing-instincts (… and I hate having to use such new-age terms), women are way ahead of men. They undergo backbreaking tasks of bearing, delivering, and nurturing children … as somewhat of a crude example … and are tooled with supporting instincts as well. When men are expected to look after infants, infants start dying of negligence. No kidding! Almost every such case involves a father or hired-help … but hardly ever a mother. This new age women’s lib stuff has built expectations of men, but has failed to acknowledge men’s inaptness at performing such tasks.

++++++++++++

I have gotten into foolish and dangerous arguments with mrs sattar over this … who thinks it is not fair that she is having to look after 2.5 kids all day. These appear to be light-hearted discussions … but my instincts told me that if mishandled, they can assume a life of their own and degenerate into full-blown altercations …

… so I laid it on her … asking it if it is fair that I have to slave away the entire day … fighting traffic, dropping kids at school, keeping track of their vaccinations, putting up with assholes at work, picking up groceries on way home … what the hell for??? And weekends are spent fixing broken bicycles and looking for carpets (they are now called accent rugs) that match the color of the sofa, even under different shades of sunlight. And if I cannot even get a decent meal at the end of the way, what’s the fucking point? And where does all the money go? … you may wonder. On mortgage of an overpriced house that I had to get to get mrs sattar off my back, groceries, kid’s tuition, auto insurance, family outings etc. etc. I hardly see any of it for myself. If I were single I’d work a few months every year and divide my time between mexico, rio, and bangkok. And no, it’s not the local cuisines that draw me to these places. The point being … marriage is a damn mess to begin with … and whatever of it can be salvaged, may very well also go to hell if women start acting like men. Everyone has to give something up … and the rest is bogus, modern, women’s lib nonsense …

… mrs sattar conceded that I had a point and withdrew. It was so easy that it almost scared me … and for months I wondered if she is quietly coming up with a new line of argument. She hasn’t so far … but what curse the future holds, I can’t say. But you’ll surely know … I may need your advice making it work as long you have (or claim to have … I sometimes have doubts about you …)

cooking food is like making music... and it could be avery relaxing experience.... i never knew that until i had to start living on my own..

hamidm sir:
if you dont mind, could you please post your qorma recipe with merlot sauce ( if i remember correctly you mentioned this improv. on qorma long time back)...?

i might wanna give it a try...

many thanks.

Hamidm:

On a personal note: I am amazed at your versatility. As a busy single professional, I have no time to indulge in household chores due to my professional and personal committments that are my top priority. There are only 24 hours in a day. If I waste my precious hours in taking care of the stuff that is not worth my time then I am dead. I`d rather outsource that than worry about it. I did have to look into cooking first time in my life last year due to strong food allergies and the fact that my GI Specialist was not happy with my eating out routine.

I am amazed that you have the luxury of time to cook and clean, be the mother and the father, in addition to being one of the breadwinners. It`s certainly your personal matter but I think you need to get a LIFE. Your children will have their own life. Your wife will have her own life. You seem to be wasting enormous amount of time on silly household chores and discussing the red and white stuff on Chowk that is poisonous for the GI System. You may be doing the former to show your support to the women of the world and make the men on Chowk feel envious, whereas the latter must be out of peer pressure :)

You are an anomaly on Chowk on the basis of the various hats you wear. That`s a compliment to you! I think Azmat should retain your advisory services. He will be all set till his daughter grows up.

Please no more Pink Floyd quizzes. I won`t mind Queen or Cyndie Lauper (based on my current mood). Paul McCartney is playing in NY City sometime around the Columbus Day weekend in October. You may like to grab the tickets and enjoy the show vs. cleaning the bathrooms with a tooth brush (I cannot forget that case study) and cooking wine mixed cuisines.

All the best and happy ramazan to you.

I have had the honour of working as a cooked food delivary guy a year ago.

To my surprize, all the cooks in the kitchens were men, even boys. There were not a single woman that I saw. But surprizingly again, most of the waitresses were girls, mostly good looking.

Desi women cook not because they have good talents, but because their husband is at least more than 4 years older than them and does not want to cook himself. Plus, he usually establishes this `fact` that he is the more capable bread earner and cooking does not fall into his area of responsibilities. It is okay as long as he keeps on bringing the money. But he is really a bad man when he does not cook while collecting employment benefits.

My father loves so much to cook for him that my mother has become out of job. She just watches TV. And he has this thing common with hamidm, of having a glass of scotch whiskey by his side while cooking.

Re: # 137

tahmed,

it is people like you give men a bad name !

hamidm: real men dont cook either. they stuff themselves over lunch, end lunch with a burp of thanks to the Lord for providing a woman to cook and do laundry, and then they pop off at 45 due to grease-clogged arteries.

sattar mian,

``that here are certain things men are inherently designed for and certain things women are inherently better at.``........ i hate to argue with you, we being good friends and all that, but i must disagree with you on this one ............. i love to cook (really!) and mrs hamidm hates it ......... i get really turned on by making sauces and pastas, the aroma of garlic and the sizzle of olive oil in the pan !........ of course, i always have a glass of wine while i cook and once in a while, when the mrs is not watching or i have had one too many, i throw a little wine into the sauce - may the good lord forgive me .......

............. but you are partially right - real men do not fold laundry