Cool Desperation Defense Phase V
with its multitudes of mansions
for some reason, all colored white.
Their columns tall, their walls high;
yes, the ghareeb can apply
to be servants.

Defense Phase V, with its lush green lawns
watered by the magic of money.
With parties aplenty,
ne’er a glass empty
of the drink of your desire.
Decadence truly abounds,
we’ve all done the rounds
before we move to America.

Life here is a lot more fun,
away from the gaze of the relentless sun;
we are finally free.
Free to pursue the American dream,
the two-car garage, the trip to Hawaii,
the retirement accounts, yet another shirt.
Please, only Gucci or Armani!

Hey, we can be as bourgeois as we like-
everybody here has plenty.
Unfettered we are,
no more surrounded by the vulgar faces of poverty
that make us so uncomfortable on our short trips back home.
The trips getting shorter by the year.
Now every other year, and then every five.
Too busy making money to keep all our material dreams alive.
Assuaging our guilt by a few extra bucks dealt out
here and there,
these are sure to go a long way.

How can the people of Defense Phase V
be so oblivious to the misery that surrounds them-
the Lalu Khaits, the Mahmoodabads
the chappal-less children with bloated bellies.
Well, we don’t have to deal with them, do we?
We have buried our heads in the sand.
Aha! We live in the luxurious lap of America!

Anita

Patriot Games Brilliantly said! I too found both - the vulgar celebrations following the birth of Ghauri, and the exhibitionist, belligerent epidemic of insane euphoria following the Pokhran explosions equally appalling. The strongest voice of reason against such misplaced nationalistic pride has to come from within -from people like you.

Anita

Thanksgiving Thank you. This is a truly lovely poem. I loved your alternating English/Urdu style of verse. Please do more.

Anita

A Letter to the Prime Minister of Pakistan As-salamalaikum.

I support the sentiments expressed in this letter.

Anita Zaidi
Brookline, Massachusetts

A Letter to the Prime Minister of Pakistan Wasiq,

Although I`ll readily lend support to, and sign your letter, the problem of course is that the US, as a rule, does not put its money where its mouth is.

From a theoretical perspective, I am committed to a stand against all weapons of mass destruction. Period. The world`s resources should be used to help people, not destroy them. However, in this two-tier world where some countries are ``allowed`` to have nuclear weapons, and impose their imperialistic will on others to not have them, this stance is admittedly naive. Therefore, I sympathize to a degree with the Indian viewpoint. Why should they not have nuclear weapons when China does? That said, from a Pakistani perspective,it is of course very unfortunate that India carried out the tests because it leaves Pakistan in an awkward, almost a no-win position. No, I do not see this as a ``golden opportunity`` for Pakistan, or for the rest of the world. Just very, very tragic. Pakistan will conduct the test (it doesn`t really have a choice) and slowly nuclear weapon technology will spread to the rest of the world. What I fear is not intentional detonations, but accidents, terrible unintentional Chernobyl type disasters as more and more countries get nuclearized without having all the safety measures in place, especially as they have the added imperative of keeping everything hidden from those satellites. Mistakes, huge, costly mistakes will inevitably happen. The countries to blame here are the BIG FIVE, not India. In the post-cold war era, it behoves them to instantly denuclearize. Then they can justifiably take the high moral ground with the rest of the world.

In the best-case scenario, Pakistan will choose to hold off conducting the test in return for small economic concessions, while international pressure mounts on the US and other nuclear states to give up their nulear destructive capabilities. This is the dream-on scenario.

In the worst-case scenario, Pakistan will conduct the test, and will suffer severe economic sanctions which will affect it much more than they will affect India. Also, India is a huge emerging market. Very few countries can afford not to trade with it, so the effort to impose sanctions on India will be muted at best. On the other hand, to the Western world, Pakistan appears the much bigger threat, with its ties to the Islamic world, and trade with Pakistan in no way compares to that with India. One can bet that Pakistan will be suffocated. That is the whole rona - Pakistan is in no position to bargain - we are damned if we do, and damned it we don`t. The choice here is, which is the bigger damnation?

Anita

The Complete Desi Step-By-Step Guide to Filling Out Your Census Form Dear r3po:

Sorry. A typo. I do indeed think of you as r3po. Would appreciate the genesis of the term (any relation to C3PO from the Starwars trilogy, or is it a drug in product development ?).

The Complete Desi Step-By-Step Guide to Filling Out Your Census Form Shan, the point that BG makes about ``South Asian`` being nothing more than a PC term that applies mostly to Indians is quite accurate. South Asian cannot be an identity that forces us to mobilize politically, since from a political standpoint, Indians and Pakistanis have agendas that are poles apart. From a cultural standpoint, we of course have many similarities - so we can have South Asian art,music,cuisine, haute couture etc. but herein lies the problem - India is huge, Indians are here in much bigger numbers - they don`t need us to be part of them, they can make it without our help. Why would they care about representing our interests?

Don`t get me wrong - it hurts me too that we are subsumed within this much larger beast, after having tried so hard to break away from it; that South Asia is merely a synonym for a Greater India, isn`t that what it is? It bothers me too that the word `Pakistan` does not conjure up the magical romantic sentimentality of the word `India`. As rp03 points out, what we think is largely Pakistani, the world refers to as Indian. I hate having to tell people that Pakistani food is the same as Indian food. We were irked enough to make a fuss at the recent Metropolitan Museum of Art exhibit of Mughal carpets which referred to the carpets being made in Lahore, India, without pointing out anywhere that Lahore is now in Pakistan.

So, one ends up asking the question - will we always remain the little orphan child of history, struggling to get away from the lap of Mother India - if so, why did we bother with independence anyway?

Anita

The Complete Desi Step-By-Step Guide to Filling Out Your Census Form Shan, an afterthought about your ``still being an undergrad``. That explains your ``wanting to roar``:).

Anyway, you seem to be one hell of an undergrad. I enjoy your writing immensely. Would love to see something from you on the life of a desi undergrad, having never had the privelege of such an experience myself.

Anita

On Cyberspace and Human Communication Nicely written! Enjoyed reading this. And I agree with your basic premise of the potential power of this media in areas where free communication is suppressed, but that this comes at a certain price. Somewhere I read that web traffic is doubling every hundred days, and this has been the fastest media to reach a mass audience (less than 7 years) as opposed to radio and TV which took decades. From a personal perspective, I am disturbed that The Jenny Cam Page (a site that has snippets from the ordinary life of a 23 year old woman who has installed a camera in her bedroom to let the world peek in) would be the third most visited website worldwide with over a half a million hits per day - I mean what does that say about society? Also, although I love the fact that e-mail, for example, has revived the lost art of letter-writing, and has put far-flung people in touch, I feel that it has really cut into people`s limited amount of free-time. It`s another thing on the to-do list, not to mention all the false intimacies created.

Anita

The Complete Desi Step-By-Step Guide to Filling Out Your Census Form Syed Ahmed says:

``...analogy about the American Judaism and their ``religious`` identification is flawed. The American Jew is as pleuralistic as they come, - they are
neither racially alike nor are they monolithic in their adherence to religious or any another cultural factor. Their bond is inherently historical and sentimental, perhaps therein lies the success of the Jewish American, - their co-operation is inherently voluntary and is based on collective self interest. The American Jew is free to join or break away from the informal relationship that defines American Judaism, - He neither has to adhere to racial guidleines, or religious dogma. All he has to do is to prove lineage, and that is good enough to be accepted into the fold.``

``Perhaps Ms Zaidi and so many of us are hoping that our religious identification somehow remains preserved during our assimilation into Americana.
That Ms Zaidi is doubtful, Perhaps a small segment of American Islam will survive much like the Orthodox Jewish community in New York and other major centers, but the vast majority of our progeny will be as much Muslim as Madonna is Catholic.``

The Muslims of America are also pretty pluralistic and racially diverse. And I envisage an informal, voluntary participation by the majority, based on collective self-interest. I agree with you that the Islam they practice will be entirely a different beast from the dogmatic version we currently follow, but I can see the need for people to have religion and spirituality in their lives (witness the massive following of the charlatan, Deepak Chopra) and I can see an identity forged on the basis on religion as much more relevent to the melting pot of America than an identity based on nationalistic origins (regions). Also, I used the analogy of Jews rather than Catholics because they have done a far better job of retaining their faith than Catholics have. I live in a community of Jews of all kinds living in harmony with us gentiles- some are orthodox, most are reform. Most reforms gravitate to this area because of the cultural ties they want to cultivate in this modern enclave of synagogues and kosher groceries, although for the most part they do not practice ritualistic Judaism. I love knocking on my neighbour`s door to borrow some something I`ve run out off and being asked do you want the kosher kind or the regular kind - there`s pluralistic for you!

Re: Shan Anwar

Shan, correct me if I am wrong, but I don`t think the NYC cabdrivers are basing their unity and strike on ethnolinguistic/nationalistic origins - they are not saying these are South Asian demands, Haitian cabbies should develop their own agenda - they represent the demands of all taxi drivers of New York City.


I live for the day when the majority of the people in this country will tick of the ``Other`` box. It will happen. I don`t think one needs to add a label to the census form to become recognized as an important community in the United States. I defy simple external categorizations and labeling - because my heritage is too complex - South Asian doesn`t quite capture it. Our organization has to come from within - not dependent on external forces and agencies, if we want the community (both Muslim and South Asian)to continue to grow both through reproduction, but more importantly through continued immigration. And recognition of the community as a vital, thriving force within the landscape of America is inevitable. In fact, it will be threatening.

Incidentally, I don`t know why you think South Asians are invisible. Perhaps I am at the wrong place, but it just so happens that this place has produced and will produce many leaders of America. And it is crawling with South Asians! A very noticeable presence here. The guy who gets a cover story devoted to his work in last week`s Newsweek (The birth of new planets) is a mere graduate student here, and he`s from Sri Lanka. I take a Molecular Biology of Parasites Class in which we invite the world`s renowned experts to come talk about their life`s work followed by a session in which the students have to suggest original experiments to the speaker based on his/her work - invariably, the speaker is floored by the suggestions that come from the Asians among the students. That`s the way to make yourself noticed - just do something important, and you will be!

The freedom and wealth of America, combined with the brilliance and industry of our people - boy, can we look forward to being dazzled!

Anita

Man or mouse Syed Ahmed`s quote:

``The whole problem with desi relationships in general and marriages in particular, is that both parties enter such relationships with strong
preconcieved notions. The boy is often advised to maintain the ``upper hand`` in the marriage, wheras
the female is throughly engendered with techniques to foil the aforementioned situation.
Consequently, one invariably notices the tug of war in desi marriages in the post-honeymoon period. Unfortunately more often then not, it is the Praveens of our time - the more accomplished individuals have the unfortunate corollary of being completely rigid and inflexible. In order to reverse the wrongs of the preceeding generation , the Praveens of our time overact often times with disastrous consequences for all parties involved. ``

Syed Ahmed, lets be very clear here - when it comes to `` women being engendered with techniques to avoid men getting the upper in marriage`` we are talking about a very small minority of Pakistani families. The vast majority of Pakistanis are just too eager to marry their daughter off to the first rishta that arrives - no questions asked, because they are perceived as a burden, ``beti ka bojh``.

The women we are talking about here are the hyper-educated ones, and yes, perhaps they do ``over-react`` - but you let the men off too lightly - these women react to the objectification and model wife and servant role expected by Pakistani men, most of whom appear to be making two polar choices when it comes to marriage - either they want the ``real gori varitey Amreeki``, or the docile home-grown variety from back home. The educated, emancipated desi woman is left stranded. And she is not ready for compromise. Also, she is trapped in the kind of thinking that says she can only mate with somebody who is ``superior`` to her. This thinking is very flawed. As more and more of our women get educated and independent (as has happened in the West), for them (assuming that they want to get married)it will be increasingly hard to find men that are even as educated. If men can marry housewives, whats wrong with women marrying househusbands? As an aside, I have a couple of American women MD friends who are happily married to a carpenter and a firefighter. When they decided to have children, their husbands were more than willing to become full-time fathers while they continued their very busy jobs.

If one isn`t into this ``my husband has to be rich, have a very cool job, a tall, macho guy to impress all my friends with``, a whole new world will open up. Of course, we`ll still have to find Pakistani guys whose egos can stand powerful, liberated Pakistani women.

Anita

Man or mouse Thank you Syed Ahmed, for getting the point of this story. No, Miss Parveen is not perfect, neither is her mother, nor the potential suitors. All can be faulted for focusing on the wrong things. Miss Parveen wants a suave, well-educated man who lives in an upper class area. The men she meets are looking for an easily-dominated woman who will make her husband the center of her life, to the exclusion of all else, who will cook, clean, bear and raise children, and wait upon him hand and foot. This has resulted in the situation that Miss Parveen finds herself in. The kind of men that she wants to marry do not want to marry her. However, mature feminism demands that women get out of this mind-set of wanting to only marry men who are as educated or more educated than they are - otherwise they are falling in the same old hierarchal trap, the man one marries has to be somehow more ``accomplished`` or at least as ``accomplished`` as oneself. Why should we use that standard? Why shouldn`t we be free to marry anyone less accomplished? What`s wrong with a Phd woman marrying a BComm guy - the answer should be - nothing! Isn`t what`s important in a marriage caring for, and understanding each other?

Anita

The Complete Desi Step-By-Step Guide to Filling Out Your Census Form Shan, as we have discussed elsewhere, the problem in the US is that minorities are defined in so many different ways - racial, ethnolinguistic, geographic. So, we have black, white, Hispanic, Native American, Asian, and so on. Being the melting pot that the US is, these terms are getting increasingly hard to define. What identifying group, for example, should the children of mixed heritage choose for themselves - the offspring of a Chinese and a white individual, a desi and a Hispanic, black and Native American)? What about all the other people in the ``other`` category? What criteria should we use to have a separate group designated for them? What about the other ``others`` that are significant in number, such as the Lebanese and the Iranians (who since the revolution no longer identify themselves with the geographic Iranian - they go with the ethnic Persian, hoping that the average American is too dumb to realize the connection - and they are probably right about that!).The criteria for categorizing all the others will necessarily have to be arbitrary - let`s say we choose a 1% figure, that a minority should be 1% of the US populatioin - that`s 2.6 million folks. There aren`t enough South Asians yet to qualify - but there may be if immigration isn`t restricted further, than it already is. That`s the downside of standing up and being counted right now. As long as the immigrants were white, it didn`t matter - now that the majority of immigrants are non-white, there is a backlash, an anti-immigrant sentiment. People are seeing more brown and Asian faces in places they don`t want to see them. Much is being made of the Berkeley admissions this year - without racially-based admissions, more Asians got admitted than whites. I predict that we will see this repeated all over America, ``Asian types`` taking over from whites,and it will create a further anti-immigrant backlash against new immigrants. As it is, it is projected that by the year 2025, whites will no longer be a majority in this country.

At the same time, as America moves forward, I think, with the exception of African-Americans (who have a unique history in this country), it will be very hard for people, already here for many generations to hang on to their separate racial, ethno-linguistic identities. The American culture is just too enticing. Do you really think your grandchildren will be speaking in Urdu, wearing pristine white kurtas, marrying only South Asians? I say that they won`t be. They`ll be as ``American`` as they come, a blended variety of whatever the dominant culture will represent at that time. On the other hand, if anything can be ``preserved``, it will be religious identities. So, one may be identified as a Muslim American. An obvious analogy are the Jews. They have been here for several generations. They don`t get identified as a separate group on any census form, yet they are very much a recognized, and highly-organized minority. We have much to learn from the Jewish community in how to go about making a niche for ourselves in the US. This is why I think going with a South Asian identity is a short-sighted and reactionary approach to the simplistic categorization that we see so rampant in the America of today.

Anita

Sex Everywhere The humanism of a society can be judged by how well it takes care of its underpriveleged - its poor, its handicapped, its physically ill, its mentally ill, its orphans, its disenfranchised minorities. Our society doesn`t even BEGIN to take care of the needs of the majority of its population - the ``main-streamers`` - the fact that minorities suffer under these conditions is hardly surprising. While isolated incidents serve to bring focus to the problem, social injustice and abuse are a wide-spread, every day occurrance in Pakistan, with poverty being the common denominator.

Having said that, I do have ``views`` on homosexuality. Will have to dig that essay out. The editorial staff initially thought the readership wouldn`t be interested.

Anita

Intolerance in Official Practice I totally agree with you Raza. What does a passport application have to do with whether I consider Qadianis Muslim or not? And apart from its obvious discriminatory nature, it is a ridiculous question anyway. What`s the declaration supposed to prove? It obviously is not a survey of how the Pakistani population views the issue, since the signature is required under duress. And I don`t see how my signature to this declaration helps the state. What do they do with the declaration - wave it in the face of the Ahmedi community to show them - see, this is how many people think you are not Muslim.

Anita

Sex Everywhere Re:concerned, confessor, and hidden

More power to the women who are coming out and talking about the abuse they have suffered. Your stories should help quell the doubters and deniers among us. Especially the ones who make the distinction between ``mahrams`` and ``namahrams``. As if the crimes are limited to namahrams. Most rapes and assaults in fact are perpetrated by mahrams.

Re: altaf Bhimji

I agree that Chowk is not the place for counselling abuse victims. However, a personal catharsis may be achieved by talking about the abuse in a public forum. No other such place currently exists for Pakistani women.

Re: Reader

Dear Reader, you missed my point. What you do with your life is your prerogative, but advising all Pakistani women to stay away from Pakistani men and marry Europeans and Americans is hardly going to solve their problem, unless you envisage mass immigration of all Pakistani women to the West! We can`t give up on Pakistani men - for that is ignoring the vast multitudes of our suffering sisters. We need to stay on the ground and fight. We need to reform Pakistani men. That would be progress.

Incidentally, I thought an alternative solution may appeal to you :). I read in a paper today that some orthodox Jewish women in New York who are sick of their husbands`refusal to grant them a ``get`` (a religious permission to initiate divorce granted to men only in orthodox Judaism) have organized a militant group of thugs who go beat up on any guy who is refusing to grant a ``get`` in order to force him in to submission.

Also, FYI, I am not a Mrs. Zaidi. Zaidi is the name I was born with. Also, for good measure, our daughter has both my husband`s and my last names as her last name. Its only fair, we thought. Why should a child be known by her father`s name only?

Anita