Towards a Ramzaan Sunset Rozaiba

Very fine.

The Peace Makers Read the piece after coming across reply 3.
It brought something of a lump in my throat. Great charactors, almost perfect for a short story. Not too complex, not overly simple. The story and the idea behind it are both ahead of their times; in terms of timetime as well as thought.
This was thought provoking. And on chowk!

Regards and chai to you :)

The Meaning of Life Saminasha

I certaintly am not. Will you tell me please?

Thank You

The Meaning of Life Saminasha
Why thank you :) Yours is too, why did you choose it?
My ancestors were fishermen and women, I am told. The imagery and idea of coming from a land where people lived off the river and the ocean appeals very much.
But I, cannot catch fish to save my life.

The Meaning of Life Aaria
Interesting replies, few articles nowadays prompt these.
While my idea of meaning of life is no where as advanced or hi fi as most of these, infact its much too simplistic, it works miracles for me. Grades, good jobs, money, companionship, happiness, peace, its like this big question everyone is wanting answers to. What most of us have forgotten is what we hear our grandparents & chicken soup for the soul tell us- happiness and peace will come when you do your part in spreading the same. Simply, if we want meaning to our lives, the simplest way is to be selfless. Or atleast try :)
If youll put a lot of zore on your mind, the people who appear to be most happy and content are those who help others when there is nothing in it for them, say a kind word when theres no need to do so and those who will go out of their way to not hurt others. When at your most miserable/ hopeless state, tri it. Go out of your way, make a conscious effort to make someone, anyone happy. Sincere effort, geniuinly. See what it does to you. This is all very fimli I realize but there is a lot of wisdom in `give and so ye shall get.` At the end of the day, isnt that what we are here for, to give off ourselves? Spread good vibes, theyll eventually come back. Who knows, maybe in the shape of a sexy, stupendous, jawaan adonis? ;)

Now then, what is it about your pieces that prompts me to babble away?

Be well

Hour of Separation Aaria
I dont think marrying a guy you dont love is a sacrifice. It is plain and simple silly and if the man/woman involved is unaware, its wrong. I`d go so far as to say that this is a messed up notion of qurbani and tears promoted almost entirely by films and books. Such qurbani wali marriages working out usually sells like hot chicken rolls because they appeal to the martyr and sap in us :) There ARE instances where it works out but in most cases its a big fat disaster. Regret, anger, bitterness or hurt are not thing you want to walk into a relationship with, especially the most special relationship of your life. We all need to be good to ourselves-- and if in the shoes of your story’s bride, to take time out, to let calm things in out heart, undergo a spiritual bypass of sorts and then maybe love again. If things dont work out with whoever one is in love with, then wait. Extract that person from your mind. Appears difficult but once you let go off the soft and sweet notions and start working on and blowing out of proportion the guys/girls faults, ;) it does happen. The idea is to fall out of love, to stop loving with so much intensity some one things didnt work out with—for your own sake and happiness and that of whoever u will eventually settle down with. Once that is accomplished one can marry another so that atleast the marriage stands a good and fair chance of working. It is unfair to marry someone when in love with another. Bad idea. Someone I know is going through something of the sort. Her ex, a sweet intelligent young man close to her in age wants to marry her. She is in love with someone else who doesnt. The ex is aware of this yet persists. That, in my opinion is idiocy. If she marries him she will have a husband who is intelligent, funny, worships her, a smashing set of inlaws and social and financial security in abundance. But she cant do it, simply for the reason that she isnt in love with him anymore. I think thats the smart, fair and right thing to do. Everyone deserves tlc :) To deprive the nice boy who loves her so much of the same is not nice. If she were to be pragmatic, she’d do it but pragmatism is much too overrated in her opinion and I quite agree. Also, as WM puts it, one needs to be `prepared for the consequences of your choice and take personal responsibility of your choice.` She is not prepared to take a responsibility as monstrous as this because there are many factors playing wildly in any relationship. All kinds of good and bad things happen and fate, circumstances and situations are strongly in play all the time. Dealing with all of this would be very difficult in a marriage when in love with another. So she`s taking her time. Once over the man she loves, she will move on. Key point that she needs to get over him and move on, thats the priority. Not marry another man while in love with him. By choice or zabardasti, it wouldnt bode well. How well with the girl in the story love the man she is married to if she is thinking of the medal man through out her own wedding? I`m repeating myself now.

Regarding the man woman thing, as sad as it is, most men and women in our society consider the woman responsible for the making and breaking of a marriage. It`s no new news, why we have sayings like `aurat hee ghar banatee hae`. :) It`s part of the social psyche, we`ve all accepted it. Equal respect and space is a notion many espouse, almost all do nowadays actually- its quite fashionable, but very few understand and a small teeny weeny percentage practices. But there are some beautiful folks in this world. They understand the joys of equal companionship. Inshallah we will all find such a person to spend our life with.

I hope very much your bride will be happy with the man she has married.

Hour of Separation Being in love with one man and marrying another. A theme with no end and one that interests me much. Youve brought out the ambivalence that most women feel in such a situation quite skillfully Aaria.
Why do women do this? For security, out of hurt, social obligations? I have known three people who have been in such a situation. One girl got married out of high school, this one was for money. Her boyfriend wouldnt commit. She got a divorce last year only two years into the marriage. Another girl, a good friend married a much older man because her parents wanted her to. Her fellow wasnt settled enough to be able to commit. Initially very happy with the man she married, she is having very bad problems with the inlaws and as a result her marriage is on the reef. The third, an acquaintance, got married by force. She kept on saying no till her Nikkah such was the vehemence, but nobody would listen. Her boyfriend was a non sindhi thus the parents objected. She is possibly the happiest young married woman I know.
So what is it? How do women in love marry other men, what do they feel and why such paradoxes in the cases above? From what I made out and believe, when you marry for reasons other than love, it becomes hard to give in, adjust all the time and sacrafice. If youre marrying to be rid of pressure as a single woman or for financial and social security, theres only so much bull you will take from a marriage. Once inside a marriage, factors such as money and fitting in and amma abba ke khooshi quickly dissapear- its a hard, often frustrating, sweet struggle to make work a relationship with a person you have to live with day in and day out. If youve married for reasons other than a firm love, it may be a bitter struggle and in the case of the friend who is divorced, a half-hearted attempt. When for love- face saving, `wanting` for the marriage to work and ofcourse love itself, all these factors play an immense role and increase the chances of the marriage working. If you marry for love and one day when you get up at 7 in the mornign to make anda paratha for your sleeping husband and are taken by an overwhelming desire to claw at him for being irritating and boring and insensitive and just plain unbearable, you will stiffle those feelings and go make the anda paratha with extra oil (or in the case of a very healthy relationship, wake him up, tell him off and let him go back to sleep) In a marriage where you got in to get it over with or to do away with the social bakwaas about being a kunwari larki/larka, this exact situation may cause resentment. Why should i get up and make his food? I`m like a naukrani in the house. He doesnt bother once to call me from work and ask whats going on and I make his breakfast at this ungodly hour, how messed up is this? And then the I should have married HIM, mera khayaal tau rakhta. Not to say this always happens, many girls are blissfully married with their much loved boyfriends long forgotten. Still, while by no means a gaurantee of any kind that a marriage of love will work, it stands a better chance in my opinion. Considering my inexperience on a personal basis with marriage, this may very well be an idealistic and non pragmatic view. What have the married ladeez got to say?

P.s: About being in love with a man, marrying another and how fair that is to yourself and the man you marry, kissi auR din. My fingers are hurting. :)