Reforming Pakistan’s Universities -- II The author mentioned ``an intense and growing controversy`` in the first paragraph, but never elaborated on what the controversy actually was. Was it just fake degrees, or was there more to it?

On Issues of Identity and Friendship It is amazing how there is a growing number of Pakistani-Americans who have experienced what Laila has so beautifully presented. I could personally relate to every feeling that is expressed, and I couldn`t agree more that the one crucial element missing from these non-Pakistani relationships is empathy. Good work!

Talk to Your Wife Reading through this was such a torturous experience! I guess this is our punishment for not submitting enough poems to chowk. Simply awful!

The Immoral Family Dear Shiraz:

The first step towards change is to accept that our current system is flawed. Muslims in general, and Pakistanis in particular, have a hard time accepting their mistakes and admitting their flaws. That is why they are so rigid against change. We have closed our eyes to the deep darkness of our current status on the global platform, and have resorted to conveniently assigning blame on the zionists and non-believers. We can not move forward by even an inch unless we first don`t honestly admit to ourselves that our own lack of strategic thinking, flawed and abusive societal approach, missing productive action element, and in many cases, ignorance and silence is the true reason for the destruction of our society.

I commend you for bringing up a very sensitive topic that is bound to get you some criticism from the apostles of morality. While your weak attempts to develop some econmoic relationships to your point were uncomfortably illiogical and statistically flawed, the basic point that you have raised is striking. I find it hard to believe that even the intelligensia in Pakistan, and some extremely bright Pakistanis living outside of Pakistan, dismiss the whole open issue of the organized abuse of the elders in our society, using power as their weapon when the kids are dependent, and guilt as their weapon when we are independent and in a position to bring change. You hit it right on the head that with such an approach, we can never develop, and only survive (at best). Youth is our biggest asset, and a good part of that already deprived youth ends up burning its energies and resources in pleasing the older generation.

The brain-wash is far more deep-rooted than the mafia psyche. Look at all our movies. There is always a daadi-amman in the family who noboby listens to, but she is always right. The ending always shows that the daadi-amman was right in everything she said from the very beginning. Even our advertisements often show an older character being worshipped and pleased by the young ones. Like a teenage girl trying to prove to her naani amman how she can cook perfect parathas like she used to. I personally know some quite intelligent young friends, who during their senstive early teens, got into Saigal and Bade Ghulam Ali to please their parents and get their attention, and are still listening to those songs, completely missing out on the ``feel`` of their time. A guy who listens to Mukesh is by default considered to have a superior character than the one who listens to Sting. We all have our own identities that we can associate ourselves with. The Pakistani identity, the Indian identity, the Chinese identity, the American identity and so on. But there is one common identity that we share globally. It`s the identity of our time. The 80s, the 90s, the 2000s. The Pakistani youth, through years of brain-wash, has lost that identity, and is lost in the world of missing the good old days of Amanat Ali Khan`s Insha-Jee Utho, and the culture and tehzeeb of the 50s and 60s.

Parents are considered to be great because of their unconditional love. Unconditional? Look around and you`ll see for yourself. Their expectations much higher than the just expectations of a newly wed bride! This ``return-on-investment`` thinking of theirs is natural for humans, and that is why, they should not be considered as Gods. Neither should they be treated as Gods. They make mistakes and poor decisions like all of us do, and they should deal with the consequences of their decisions. I could ramble on and on on the need to change this abuse in our society, but the bottom line is that we all have to collectively just admit that the abuse exists and that this ``return-of-favor`` approach needs to come to an end.

Thanks for bringing this obvious but often ignored topic, Arthur. Our generation has taken enough damage of the brain-wash for us to get out of our shackles, but we have to do everything that we can to make sure that our coming generations have the independence of thought and decision that they deserve and desire. This tyrannical abuse of the old has to end.

Good luck with your endeavors,

Farhan

P.S. You are very good at making your point. Just one suggestion. Please stay out of enforcing your point with statistically flawed analogies and relationships that you believe are valid for your argument. If you do find them necessary to include, make sure you qualify your assertions with some blanket statements or disclaimers. For most readers, a flawed analogy is a good enough reason to assume that the main point being made is flawed, which is obviously not the deal in your case.

Operation Searchlight Thanks for the artcile, Tariq. We cannot make progress without admitting and accepting our mistakes. The events of 1971 were a national embarrassment that we should keep reminding each other. That is the only way to help our younger and coming generations to see through the fog of our self-glorification under a militarized society.

Like the Japs commemorate the atomic bombings every year, we should also commemorate Operation Searchlight every year in March to remind ourselves of our gory mistake as a nation, so that we stay clear of such mistakes in future.

Farhan

Oh America! Very disappointing, to say the least. Shallow and highly biased observation and opinions, generated from seemingly preconceived ideas. You should stick to writing about India, FV.

Is It A War On Islam? Highly compelling. Cannot agree more!

Larka, Larki Aur Smartee Aray ye putti to acchha likhtee jee. Magar iss ko thori see tanqeed hona. Here’s what I feel are the key aspects of Hyderabadi weddings missing from her article:

a) Description, or even specific mention, of exquisite Hyderabadi jewelry (that cool stuff that hugs the neck can make even a clown look graceful); and

b) Hyderabadi wedding songs, some of which were written and composed by the great Amir Khusro, that help recreate and maintain the atmosphere of all that has been described.

All in all, it was good work. I just wish she had not mentioned the “khara dupatta” though. It can go a little hard on some pashas who find themselves cut off from these glorious traditions.

Farhan

Little White Pills #5 Scout, I agree with your funny comment, but Bismil`s work has more than just sex, Indian, and Pakistani. Good work, Bismil. Keep it up!

Farhan

Shadi For Dummies Lol at SaraJ # 79. ``... waiting for a pakistani fob who scratches his crotch in public ...``. So damn funny :) You know they tend to do it more when they are on the phone, especially with women. And when they are put on hold, the scratching goes on hold too, only to resume at the continuation of conversation :)

Farhan

Success Through Communication Jesus mbenz, you need treatment! Where is all that coming from? Like all of us, you are entitled to hold and ``communicate`` your opionion, but for goodness sake, be a little open and gentle. I am just amazed at your ability to make a sentence painfully convoluted with the use of only a few words.

Without agreeing to disagreeing to what you have said, I would like to point out to you that both Muhammad and Iqbal were what you think they were, and did what you think they did, because they were great communicators.

Farhan

The Daily Mullah Nice piece, Noman. It was worth storing for 9 years. Quite hilarious. The idea to use a newspaper to portray your imagination is pretty cool. I liked the ``bonus effigy`` idea :)

Farhan

Success Through Communication Oh and by the way, that beautiful lady coming over and giving a red rose part was a bit cheesy. How about just making her come over and say, ``nice presentation`` :)

Farhan

Success Through Communication Interesting piece, Rajeeb. There is nothing more valuable than clear, open, and effective communication. Apart from your use and criticism of Nepalese society as an object to prove your point, I liked your approach. I fully agree with the “Communication is not always what we say, or do, but it is also what or who we are” part, and yes, I myself have attended (and conducted) many ``Surgery was successful but the patient died`` sessions.

Couple of questions:

1) You have taken a very solution-oriented approach in this article. But I did not see any direct reference to rectifying issues associated with “bad experiences at subconscious level”. Medically, psychoanalysis is the commonly adopted practice to alleviate disturbances in the subconscious mind. Do you think visualization addresses all or part of that problem from a spiritual standpoint? I personally think that the state of your subconscious mind by itself restricts your ability to visualize effectively. Any thoughts?

2) I noticed the use of 21 a number of times (breaths, days …) in your proposed remedies. This is probably something trivial, but I am just curious to find out if there is some significance to this particular number in the school of thought that you have attempted to represent. The use of specific number of repetitions has also been heavily used in Sufism, and some Islamic forms of meditation. But I have never been able to get any reasonable explanation on how these numbers were determined, and the significance of specifying a fixed number. A simple explanation could be that it was determined that these number of breaths can get you to a certain point of relaxation. But on the contrary, to achieve a state of relaxation (this is coming from Yoga 101), you have to think of nothing, so much so that the key challenge left in your mind is ``not to think that you have to think of nothing``. To that end, just the strain of counting your deep breaths till you get to 21 can prove to be a bit of an ``undue burden`` from the standpoint of achieving pure relaxation.

Cheers,

Farhan

Shadi For Dummies Decent response, Brat. I knew from the beginning that I wasn`t wasting my time on a brat. Anyway, before I start sounding romantic, I`d like to thank you for providing me with some pointers on sounding more assertive on the web. You are right, I am a bit off the desi breed when it comes to basic computer literacy, but I am sure I`ll catch up if I hang out with the right people.

Hope to see you around.

Farhan

* I liked the Govinda example (sums it up all, doesn`t it?). Could have used it in my response to cut all the crap about Anwar Maqsood and the rest. Brevit, man, brevity! :)

Shadi For Dummies Shankar Ji:

You are right. You did misunderstand me. I am not against the content of this article. I am a big proponent of everybody`s right to put forward his or her point of view. But it`s the manner in which the view point is communicated is what I found below standard. There has to be a difference between a coherent article passed through an editorial board of a website, verses an article that reads like it was written as a collection of excerpts from phone conversations of 20 different guys who think alike. May be you should read some of the stuff from Farzana Versey or Pervaiz Hoodhboy, who have been active contributors to Chowk, at least till the recent past.

Thanks for your advice on not being too sensitive. Found it funny to come from a guy who apologizes after voicing a disagreement in opinion ;)

Take care,

Farhan