Shashank #2 by Kort

The error is due to a mistake on my part, not Mr. Handley`s. My aplologies to all of you. Sincerely,
SSS

Wanderings in the Twilight Zone
As Shashank’s “Wanderings” move into Chowk Archives, I want to thank all of you who read the memoirs, whether or not you participated in the interaction that followed. Hopefully this publication has generated some interest in the illness and will result in better understanding of it. To some of the family members, just reading your interacts has helped, perhaps better than the well meaning condolence visits that tend to be like an emotional roller-coaster.

GhalibZaman (#36-38)

Sir, you do not just look, you see. Bhai maan gaye!

Knowing Shashank, I would not put it past him that he deliberately planted that dig about expatriates. But it could have been a typo that his companion and friend introduced while typing from his scribbled manuscript. Whatever the reason, your pointing it out sure helps clear some of the blues. Thank you.

The Sanskrit word “Sanjeevani” roughly translates to an attribute that gives (or renews) life. The word is typically used as an adjective qualifying a noun.

There are two separate references to “Sanjeevani” in the Hindu epics Mahabharata and Ramayana. The former includes the tale of Shukracharya, who possessed the Sanjeevani “Vidya” or the Sanjeevani knowledge / science. The Ramayana refers to the Sanjeevani “bootie” that had to be fetched from a far away mountain in the Himalayas to revive Lord Rama’s brother Laxman, who was struck down by Rawana’s son Indrajit. So you were right about Sanjeevani being a life giving herb. :)

I believe Pataal to be a word of Sanskrit origin. There are supposed to be seven levels of Pataal, the seventh being the worst and the lowest. The word equivalent to the Greek “Hedes” you refer to (of Orpheus and Euridice fame?) would be “Narak” i.e. Hell. In the context of Pataal being the abode of Rakshasas or Demons, we should merely take it to mean the nether lands (no disrespect to my Dutch friends).

Sadna (#39)

At the risk of putting my foot in the mouth again, let me say that I think Shashank’s memoirs can also be looked at in terms of the second identity crisis that humans are expected to face in the later phase of their life. Unlike the first crisis that occurs between adolescence and adulthood, the second is supposed to occur at a much later stage, when one has arrived at the end of a productive life, and one’s physical limitations have started to assert themselves.

With no worthwhile physical ability at his command, and perhaps without even the desire to make a difference, the adult is left to brood over the past and ruminate over the “wrong” choices and decisions he made at critical junctures. “What if” and “If only” kind of thoughts haunt him during this stage. Not even the most “successful” of adults are exempt from this feeling of having wasted opportunities and having done wrong. Guilt, frustration and sadness become your companions. Religion, spirituality, priests, and yes, even the “shrinks” become useful. A small percent of people manage to make peace with themselves a second time, on their own.

Shashank’s illness had left him a physical wreck, although his brain could work feverishly, aided by his Bipolar Disorder. His most redeeming characteristic to me, was his strong desire to understand his actions, choices, and decisions, and to exercise his writing talent to get to the root of his problems. In that quest, the ordinary concerns like shame became irrelevant. I do like to think that he resolved his second identity crisis ably, on his own, and despite all his limitations and handicaps.

Sincerely,
SSS

Wanderings in the Twilight Zone
GhalibZaman (#25, #31) and Urstruly (#32)
That is some compliment, GZ Sahib. Passionate, and also, like Urstruly says, exquisite prose. The late author would have liked it. I particularly liked the phrase “steeped in the ecology of Indian-ness and Hindu-ness”. The interesting thing is that Shashank’s earlier writing rarely expressed an awareness of that ecology. In his early years, he used to be critical of certain aspects of it that he considered wrong or irrelevant in the modern context. Did it mean that he saw everything wrong about the ancient society? No, I think he merely criticized what he could not accept, and like most young men, overlooked the positive aspects that he would appreciate much later. I guess one has to pay for wisdom by way of age and experience.

I think your statement “Until & Unless Paki-Indis get themselves exorcised of the demons colonising their minds nothing worthwhile can happen” merits reflection. One must be comfortable with one’s own identity and heritage before one can make peace with the diversity that others bring to the neighborhood.

AmericanExpress (#28)
Thank you for that interesting input. It is not surprising, considering that Bengalis have traditionally been at the forefront of experimentation and reform in the Indian society. Their lead in creative and performing arts has inspired the work of many famous Maharashtrians.

Westwind (#30)
Appreciate your saying so. Autobiographical writing, as a form, is tricky. If you are too open about your mistakes, some readers don’t like it. If you are tactful, others accuse you of dishonesty. In the end, such writing is best undertaken to understand oneself, and the why and wherefore of one’s actions. “The Story of My Experiments with Truth” had a profound impact on me for the author’s sheer sincerity in trying to validate of his assumptions behind every action of his. Many thought the author to be Quixotic, others called him a pervert. They did not see that his single minded pursuit of “truth” elevated him from an ordinary Indian to a Mahatma, in the process giving hope to even the most wretched.

Sadna (#33, #19)
I believe that autobiographical writing, particularly when not written with a view to publish, can have a therapeutic value. Writing one’s daily diary was a good habit encouraged in the old days. It gave one the opportunity to confront oneself , a kind of Gestalt, if you like. I lost interest, like many of my generation, because we were overburdened by the loads of “homework” to improve our handwriting. It simply did not leave us interested in writing something nobody else was likely to read – and Gestalt was not known to most of us then. ;)

My understanding of the Freudian stages of a child’s emotional growth is significantly different from what you seem to suggest in #19. If parents are to be held responsible for the resolution of all the guilt conflicts of the child, when does the child ever become an “adult”? The supposed progression from infant to an adult in harmony with himself is explained in terms of the id, ego, superego ... the last mentioned being where the child begins to exercise an independent judgement against the framework of values given by the “parents”. The first identity crisis is supposed to happen when brushes with reality shatter the comfortable cocoon of values the individual had built for himself, and a successful resolution of that crisis is supposed to make for a harmonious adult. But let me not go and put a foot in my mouth. I am sure there are others far better qualified to respond to your point. FJ? Shankar??

Thank you for quoting the passage from Yayati - Devayani. I understand it far better today than when I last read it. BTW, I also have Rajgopalachari’s Mahabharata which we bought for our son, and have shared it with a senior Pakistani friend of mine. He has an enormous interest in the two Indian classics, and asks me probing questions that require quite an effort to meaningfully respond to. Incidentally, he was an Officer serving in East Pakistan in 1971, and spent some time in India as a POW. What is amazing is that he bears no grudge towards India or Indians. Both he and his wife have been very kind to us always, and sincere and balanced in their appreciation or critique of the many contentious issues between the two neighbors.

Einsteinwallah (#34) Thank you EW for pointing these errors out. I had noticed them, but did not correct them myself for reasons you guessed correctly. I will send an email to Chowk to correct the mistakes.

Sincerely,
SSS

Wanderings in the Twilight Zone In my last response, while addresing sac`s posting (#12), I have wrongly used the ord ``treatable``. I meant ``curable``.

GhalibZaman Sahib, you have hit the nail on the head when you see these memoirs as a couch-confession. Shashank did undergo several such sessions, and may have instinctively used the technique in his writing, trying to find correlations. I believe he refers to some such thing at the end of Chapter 2. And I am glad you do not see any attempt at being politically correct in Shashank`s writing. He needed to be brutally honest to himself even if it looked like washng dirty linen in public. Like they say, you do not hide anything from your doctor. And I do think he wanted to know the truth about himself.

BTW, did you mean Dev Mehta, or Ved Mehta? Which book?

-- SSS

Wanderings in the Twilight Zone Folks, I am grateful to all of you for your comments and feedback.

#9 by Saminasha:

No, I have not yet read either “A Gesture Life” by Chang Rae Lee or Richard Burton’s book on depression. My wife and I, both had read a translation of his translation of the Arabian Nights though, and I hope to follow up on your suggestion.

I suppose the relationship between mental illness and creativity exists even at the semantic level. Both are about crossing boundaries. “Abnormal” behavior is about breaking accepted norms which themselves are transient, so what seems crazy today may be acceptable tomorrow. And creativity is about noticing or interpreting existing concepts and things differently, or giving expression to something entirely new.

IMO the relationship between an artist and craziness can be readily experienced when you see the famous Van Gogh exhibit at Madame Tussaud`s (I saw it in Amsterdam). The old man is furiously at work at his aisle in a dark, dirty and dusty place, and only his eyes are highlighted by a beam of light ostensibly coming from some crack in the ceiling. The creative intensity in those eyes is crazy and frightening. Even before seeing that exhibit and a painting that may have inspired it, I have felt uneasy and disturbed every time I saw a Van Gogh. You can feel the power of his art.

A more recent example is that of Bobby Fischer, the greatest Chess player ever. Reported to have an phenomenal IQ of 180, he lives in exile in Tokyo, has a US warrant pending for his arrest for breaking he USG directive not to play against Spassky in Yugoslavia in 1992, gives anti-Semitic interviews on radio shows, and is assumed by many contemporaries as having gone off his rocker. There is an excellent article about his obviously Bipolar Disorder episodes in the December 2002 issue of “The Atlantic” monthly. He too has suffered from long bouts of manic depression, paranoia, persecution complex lasting years at a time. On the other hand, when he was on his high, he was at his creative best, demolishing the world’s greatest grandmasters with ridiculous ease.


Yildrim #10:

And before you think otherwise, let me state that I am gave the above examples merely to express my agreement with Saminasha’s point about artistic creativity and mental illness. It is not my intent to attribute any specific “greatness” to the author whose writing this thread is about. ;)

Seriously, I do understand your reaction to Shashank’s writing. Many of us in his immediate and extended family as well as friends circle, have gone through similar emotions and reactions ourselves over the years. Many of us still find it hard to understand, much less look at his past without feeling exasperated or angry. Over the years, my own view has changed significantly to the extent that I am no longer critical, only deeply saddened by the waste of a bright mind and the hurt to many affected individuals.

And yes, I have learned by now that Bipolar Disorder is something to be taken seriously. If this publication results in a few more people learning about it in whatever way, something good would have come out of it.

#11 by Studebaker

No, Sir. I am not Prem / Eklavya. And to support the validity of that statement, I’d say that I admire his well thought out postings very much, and wish he would write articles on Chowk himself. (The real Prem / Eklavya would not say anything to praise himself, you would agree.)

#12 by sac

Your point is drastically illustrated but I understand it. However, its relevance to the present case is not entirely clear to me. First of all, I am not sure that untreatable brain ailments such as Bipolar Disorder can be equated either with purely emotional problems which are treatable, or with purely physical problems which may or may not be treatable.

I am familiar with at least three separate cases of Bipolar Disorder patients in India. In its early stages, these Bipolar Disorder patients had the same concerns that you as an ADD patient expressed. I have seen the progression of their efforts to meet those concerns over time. Starting with denial of the existence of the problem, through working extra hard to overcome the problems through bigger and more risky endeavors, they went through aggressively projecting he source of the problems to others i.e. eventually becoming paranoids, to manipulating others to provide what they could not earn for themselves and their dependents, to losing all pretense of dignity and dying destitute. My cousin was lucky in the sense that he had access to medical care and financial support, and did not have to die homeless. But he did suffer many hardships and indignities that too many other patients in India probably suffer due to systemic ignorance and callousness common to a third world country. His natural independent instincts turned out, in a way, to be his enemies.

What I do not know is whether or not my impressions described above are valid, or whether they are farfetched. I hope that those who know more about these illnesses will find time to contribute a few lines.

#13 by FJ: Thank you for these clarifications. Appreciate your input.

#14 by Scout: Appreciate you saying that. As I said previously, I have gone through some of those thoughts and emotions myself, and know the sincerity behind them.

#15 by Akber:

Thank you. All chapters are already with Chowk editors, and they will publish them in due course. Looks like they have published the next installment as we speak.

I’d like to add that when I got the manuscript, it was not titled by the author. I had to name it before sending it to Chowk. I am grateful for the “spotlight” attention they have given to Shashank’s memoirs.

#16 by Banjaara:

I’d love to read the old stories you refer to (``Qalila-wa-Dimnah``). Is there an English version to be found?

#17 by GhalibZaman:

Aapne yaad dilaaya tho humeN yaad aaya...

There is an evergreen Marathi stage play called “Tujhe Aahe Tuj-pashee...” written by the famous PL Deshpande who died a couple of years back.. It is full of laughs, and yet poignant at the end. The title is taken from the first line of a philosophical couplet, which is very close to what you have quoted – You yourself have what you are looking for; only you have been searching in all the wrong places.

#18 by Urstruly:

Looks like Chowk editors have acted on your recommendation. Thanks. BTW, your response can be misread in terms of the quality of “The King’s Gambit”. I know you do not mean it that way, of course. Hopefully, when Chowk will publishes the next installment of that novel, they will also include links to the earlier portions below it, like you suggest here. That will make it easy for all of us to pick up on the narrative so far. I think it happened because the authors themselves are submitting the portions one-by-one.

#19 by Sadna:

I think I should wait to talk about what you say till the rest of the story is published. But I recall you had, in the context of “Yaksha-Prashna”, asked for articles about the challenges of bringing up an inquisitive child in the face of uncontrollable external influences. By coincidence, Shashank’s narrative covers that ground in some way, and contains many psychologically significant events from his childhood. What is more interesting it that although many of us in the same extended family went through the same or similar experiences, the impact on us has not been identical, or even close.

#20 by rozaiba: Thanks for your kind words. I think you will like what follows as well.

Wanderings in the Twilight Zone Saminasha, Urstruly, Yildrim, Einsteinwallah, and FJ

I grew up with Shashank Lele during a time when people did not lock up their houses, slept out in the courtyard during the hot summer nights, the joint family system was very common, and children passed through neighbor’s houses like little whirlwinds and ate in whichever home they happened to be at supper time. It was fun to be children then. And because of these memories, it is difficult for me to judge Shashank either as a person or as a writer. What all of you have discerned in his writing is probably correct to a significant extent.

Yildrim: I am no professional in these matters, but AFAIK, the most obvious symptoms of Bipolar Disorder are long debilitating episodes of mood swings between one extreme of manic depression involving a tremendous sense of guilt, inadequacy and insecurity, and the other extreme of euphoric restlessness, self-confidence, delusions of grandeur, and arrogance. Each episode leaves an impact on your physical health, and that impact may be aggravated by how the patient was treated medically and otherwise in his time of need. In between those episodes, there may be periods of clarity and tranquility, where the patient may wonder what it was all about. Shashank’ writing is therefore likely to show glimpses of a personality that has been there all across the spectrum.

We live in the most stressful times ever, and I understand this ailment is widespread also in India, although perhaps not as adequately recognized and sympathetically treated as over here in the USA. After all we are a billion plus people, crammed in an area less than a third in size of the United States. Perhaps there are readers who can shed some light on these matters.

To answer Saminasha’s question, I’d say that the writing is primarily autobiographical and honet in intent. But it could have been influenced by his sickness to some extent. I am personally sure about the accuracy of his references to the early childhood event he refer to.

FJ, thank you for your comment on Shashank’s writing. You seem to say that this is directly related to the disease. I thought writing style is a skill that he happened to have, and put it to use to record what was very important to his survival.

EW, I have read SFR, and liked Mashruwalla’s comments. An old Dutch friend of mine put the same question to me when Om Puri’s “Akrosh” was televised in the Netherlands. “Why didn’t he fight?” was the question. My friend believed that the roots lay in the difference between the Christian faith which gives you the freedom to choose and holds you responsible for your actions, and the Hindu faith which tells you that your actions are preordained. He did not seem to think that the theory of Karma implied a certain ability to decide for your own. Anyway, the Greeks also believed in Nemesis and inevitability of destiny, and I know my Muslim friends will instinctively say ‘Inshallah’ in response to a simple “See you tomorrow”. And then there are theories that say that say that religious precepts themselves may have been influenced by geography, and environmental conditions where the religion was founded. But coming back to the present author who was very iconoclastic since his childhood, I wonder. Perhaps the simplest explanation is in term of one’s second identity crisis. Perhaps Devdas also suffered from Bipolar Disorder, which crossed all boundaries, religious, economical and geographic. . I just don’t know.

SSS

Yaksha-Prashna I have been a regular visitor to Chowk for some time, and enjoy the articles, stories, poems and the correspondence on the boards. My sincere thanks to the Chowk Editors for publishing this little “piece”, to borrow a Bertie Wooster phrase.

The corporate publication where this story was first published was seeking contributions from the employee community, calling it their opportunity to brag about their kids, “in eight or ten lines”.

Being a loyal first time parent, I refused to participate, and missed all deadlines.

“Why didn’t you write?” they asked.

“Eight or ten lines would never do justice to the amount of bragging I need to do”, I explained to the editors. So they allowed me to write a few more lines.

Anamika (#1)

You are absolutely right. It was indeed Dr. Jayant Narlikar. But I hope you will agree that both he, and the episode he is featured in, is only incidental to the theme that was presented.

I thought I was trying to make fun of this tendency of us parents to expect a world of achievements from our infant kids. We do not seem to appreciate the hazards of dumping the burden of our overt and subliminal expectations on those tiny shoulders. Then we go and try to find deeper meanings into the smallest happenstance, and look silly in the process.

As to your (somewhat cynical?) query about how things turned out, all I will say is so far so good, and that I still remain the loyal father I was years ago.

Temporal (#2)

I knew I had to use the spell check feature to pass your scrutiny, but was not sure if the influence of Wren and Martin that was literally hammered in during my childhood had survived the years spent in non English-speaking countries including the US. But seriously, your encouragement does mean a lot, and I do appreciate your kind words.

Ashim Banerjee (#3) and Lubna (#4)

It was very nice to read your kind comments. It sure goes a long way to make up for the small number of responses.

Ashim, I suppose you are the same Ashim Banerjee who has written so much for Chowk. I hope to go back and read all your articles – my way of saying Thank You.

Lubna, just to help us become better parents, my wife gave up a promising media career in favor of pre-school education. I am all admiration for the wisdom she brings to our home, and am deeply grateful for the many sacrifices she made for our family. Thought you would like to know, being a teacher yourself.