Pakistan Travelogue II Stuka - you are a man of class!!! You have taken around 900 responses to your article in a matter of week. Hinduvtas have gone to the nth degree in abusing you - just because you had the audacity to say something positive about Pakistan!! Yet, you have responded with patience and grace. Awesome! Now only if all of us chowkie men can get together and gang-circumcise you as a first step in making you suitable for a muslim wedding.

Manto - you have taken much abuse from fukkin hinduvtas. All this because you had the audacity to be a gracious host! Don`t get into this `dunkin donut debate` - you are head and shoulder above this swarming, sweaty and smelly mass of fukkin hinuvtas. You and the rest of lahori hosts have won our hearts.

Sobia and Ash - After reading Stuka`s account of your beauty, I have become a believer. Lets get together for a dinner on my next trip to Lahore. No need to invite Manto or Feroz. Not even that guy with a female name, rozaiba. Just the three of us - sobia, ash and atif. I promise I will behave.

Pakistan Travelogue II Mahesh - Her name is Dhana. She calls herself Donna.

Same with Tony Patel, and Steve Shastri and Jason Venkatramanshiva and ...

Pakistan Travelogue II maheh # 72 asks ``Is Azhar Das a Muslim or a Hindu? Why is he calling himself ``Azhar`` if he is Hindu? What is he afraid of?``

Is this frikkin Dhana Parkash who lives two doors from me, a hindu or a christian?? Why is she calling herself ``Donna`` if she is a hindu??!!! What is she afraid of??

Is it that hindus like to change their names to blend-in with the local culture? Or is it that ``Donna`` is trying to get some white sperms into her uterus so she can rid her offspring from the complex of dark complexion??? I really don`t know the answer.

Any pointers???

Pakistan Travelogue I mahesh #340 writes ``I wouldn`t mind if both India and Pakistan improve their lot (as long as Pakistan stops needling India)``

THAT i cant promise.

You probably realize that as you move west, the looks start to improve - starting from east India, through south, central, west, north, and then into Pakistan, looks keep improving. With looks comes the attitude. And this is precisely the reason that many of the models act so arrogant. They have this look about them that says ``I am hot, and you are not``.

Yes, I know, in the spirit of humanity we all utter this mantra that its not the looks that matter in life. But put aside this ``Special Olympics mentality`` and you will find that this is not true. The evidence abounds around you - we have had a lot of dumb US presidents. But there hasn`t been a single president whose picture you look at and say ``wow, that face is ugly like a monkey`s butt``.

So, please understand. If you think we are needling you, blame it on our good looks. And looks are something that either you have it or you don`t. If you don`t, then no amount of Fair & Lovely, white foundation creams or blue contact lenses can change that (please tell that to the Indian ABCDs in Boston!!)

So in essence, we like needling India, acting arrogant and, worse, not being apologetic about it. As a poet once said:

khuda jab husn daita hai
nazakat aa hee jaati hai

Pakistan Travelogue I farzana #78 writes - ``PS: I will never understand why I did not get any discount in any city of Pakistan.``

Hey Farzana, tell us about all those rishta offers you got from Lahori shopkeepers. I bet those offers were anything but `discounted`, if you catch my drift ;)

Pakistan Travelogue I Let me begin by asking for some volunteers who could pull the red hot chilli from satyam, veeresh, and bharatvassi`s ass. For reference, tahmed32 has even posted the picture of what that chilli looks like. Any volunteers?

Now to Stuka. Man, I tell you this. I wish I could write as well as you did. This is an amazingly well written essay. And I don`t know what to say, it is hard to express, but I am glad that you got to see the land of your fore fathers. That land that you visited, Bhaun and the nearby Chakwal, is a very fertile land in many ways.

Now, with this almost hour by hour account of your stay in Pakistan, and having someone escorting you all the time, I am perplexed as to how you still found an opportunity to take pictures of the Kahuta Nuclear Plant. Just kidding!!

Also, kudos to all those lahori chowkies who were the gracious hosts of this fine Indian.

Asoka echo sahib - Did you say ``bayhooda``??? Let me tell you what is beyhooda. The poetry that I had to explain in my 11th and 12th class was not just beyhooda, it was leaning towards homosexuality. I had to bite my tongue everytime I had to explain about ``shaair ka mehboob``. In the begining I tolerated it thinking that perhaps he was referring to God. But then that stretch of imagination became too stretched.

urstruly - Somehow I knew I would confuse you. Sounds like I will have to invest a little bit more time with you through chowk to bring you up to the par.

Shoresahib - Nope, I was just curious. Nothing else. As long as you have a smile on your face, it really doesn`t matter whether you got it through a guy or a girl (I feel like vomiting now).

Asoka Ok guys, sounds like I have my work cut out for me.

Its really heart-breaking for me to see that grown folks here don`t have a their fundamentals in order about sex. And then they have the nerve to go on and explain a poem! Ms. Zehra would be turning in her bed just seeing these weird explanations of her fine piece of poetry.

So guys, when you are looking for real estate, whats the most important thing? Repeat after me: Location, Location, Location.

When you are having sex, whats the most important thing? Repeat after me: Position, Position, Position.

Now that we have got that out of the way, let me explain the relevant pieces of this poem to you. And Ms. Zehra, please jump in if I say something you didn`t mean.

Basically, the poet was having a marathon sex session. And when she says ``The floor was cutting into my back``, she is giving you a hint that sexual position that was assumed at the moment was anything but missionary. I would venture to say that only her shoulders were on the ground and her back was raised and arched. He was probably in a sitting position.

But then the poet complicates the picture a little bit when she talks about his ``hard tongue``. While she leaves it to reader`s imagination as to where the tongue was used, but within the context of desi culture, one can safely say that any tongue lashing that did occur, took place prior to the assumption of this ``arched back`` position.

I hope I have done a good job in explaining.

Shoresahib, you write ``The men I have been with have yet to hurt my back``. I am hating myself for asking this, but how many men have you been with? And what do you look for in a man before you decide to be ``with`` him. Thanks.

Not Your Mother’s Holiday Bina Shah - I, for one, am willing to accept a National Bitch Day - whereby all women can bitch about to their hearts content about anything.

However, I would like to trade in the PMS induced bitch days I have to deal with amongst the circle of my friends EVERY SINGLE FRIKKIN MONTH!! And heaven forbid, if TWO of them have PMS at the SAME time - I would run for the hills, if there were any around Boston. They transform into these viscious hungry cats who just want to tear you apart.

Here is an innocent little suggestion - Instead of having an annual National Bitch Day on top of the monthly bitch days, why don`t we have a win-win solution by arranging a wet t-shirt Bitch of the Year contest?

But seriously, what about men? Why don`t we get a National Pig Day. That day all of us men would not pretend to be ohhhhh sooooo sophistimacated either. We can drink milk straight from the carton, fart and burp whereever and whenever we like, fidget with our balls in public to our hearts content. And if my cutie pie`s birthday falls on National Pig Day? Fuk that! I will go bar hopping with my buddies.

Half a Confession II this is a good read. reminds me of Tolstoy`s Ivan Hoe, where at the end of it the character lies in his deathbed evaluating his high flying life.

temporal sahib, good one!

Women vs. Men In Science Urstruly # 17 - I hear you brother!

With women`s education level rising and men`s sperm count decreasing, God may once again have to intervene to keep the human race continuing. The last time He did that was when he fathered Jesus. And frankly, the last thing we need is a few million more ``God`s children`` roaming the world. Southern baptists already have their hands full deciphering the message of one such God`s child from 2005 years ago.

So women, there you have it: rising education levels or rising men. Take your pick. And frankly, with the level of stress running high amongst men, we may not get around to inventing artificial sperms for you to fulfill your genetic itch to get pregnant. So go back to barracks ...errr... houses. Take care of house affairs, chat with neigbours` wives etc. Let we men battle it out in the world.

You are warned.

Women vs. Men In Science Urstruly # 14 writes ``It saddens me to see the kind of world we will leave behind for our comming generations. Our infammy will go till eternity and our legacy will be our name ``the sissy generation`` ``

Dear Urstruly, for chrisssake, there will NOT be any coming generation if the rate of impotence amonts men (as a result of rising education level amongst women) continues unabated.

Women vs. Men In Science At the onset, let me make a claim ala Larry Summers: The rate of increase of cases of impotence amongst men has a direct correlation with the rise in education level of women.

Now let me back up my claim.

As women made advances in education, they increasingly challenged the male psyche of machismo and started making demands. While for thousands of years, men roamed free in the jungles, deserts, plains, hunting animals, fighting other men (and capturing their women) and other testosterone boosting activities - today, sadly, they are confined to offices where they increasingly report to female managers.

As women became more assertive and demanding, men began to experience psychological traumas. As you very well know, 90% of the cases of impotence are caused by psychological issues. Whereas before, men grew up in a testosterone driven world, today they have to act soft, and caring, and ohhh soooo sweet. Whereas before, men copulated to have pleasure (and frankly to irk the relatives of captured women), today they have to worry about her ``needs`` too. All this, along with stress of running the world, and finding new sources of plunder (to provide comfort to the substandard female species) contributed to making men `softies` and lowering their sperm count in the process.

As I drive down Kennedy Ave today, I see hard men acting sissies, smelling flowers, making paintings, lining up at manicure shops and getting their eye brows nipped at barber shops. This is a sad demise of a hard-assed valiant specie which built dams, landed on moon, conquered the volcanos and seas and new territories (while capturing women), set up universities like Harvard (to which women would even do mud wrestling to get admission in).

Dude, Where’s My Reference Point? samina - good to see you sowing the seeds of your unconventional intellect in the barren land of front page. (now that was a mouth full).

by the way, your last name `shahidi` is really nice. all feminine last names that end with an `i` tend to disrupt my regular heart beat. may be it has something to do with my first crush - her last name was hilali.

anyways, your review style is really good. but i do agree with some of the interactors - perhaps the movie itself is not worth this intellect-heavy review.

hope to read more from you. now come back to the unplugged and lets talk about your feminist agenda.

Myths about the Golden Age of Islam After years of propagating hatred of Islam via his mullah (who he claims hold absolute power in Pakistan) bashing articles, he has now written about the ``myths`` of Golden Age of Islam. Basically, he is telling us that we don`t have anything to be proud of. Our religion sucks, our civilization sucks, our history sucks.

Next he will debunk another myth - that Islam is a religion. He will claim, from historical evidence that Islam is really a cult. And sooner we leave it, the better off we all will be.

He supports those who have broken another ``myth`` in Islam - that Prophet Muhammad (saw) is the last prophet.

Irshad Manji - who has been universally ridiculed for her extremely anti-Islam book, gets a letter of support from Mantolives. Its on her webpage. She has been ridiculed by not just Muslims for propogating hatred towards Muslims, and thus putting their lives in danger in West, but by christians and some jewish organizations as well. But she has Manto`s support.

In Manto`s Pakistan, hijab wearing women are flogged, the bearded men are executed, Salman Rushdie, Irshad Manji and Taslima Nasreen become the ministers of Religious affairs.

He hates the unification of Muslims in any sense (economic, political or even a coordinated foreign policy), yet he drools with glee at the unification of europeans in EU.

Secret Passages Urstruly - it was a bit fragmented, but overall nicely written. must say the picture of the foot up front was too delicious to pass up. so had to read the article - no matter the length.

For those who are perplexed by the pervert muslims` foot fetish, I am a living example of one of those perverts. However, my initiation into this foot fetish was commenced by non other than my christian brothers in Boston. As a freshman, i thought I had gained all requisite command of the fine art of sex through books and internet and often through letting my imagination run wild. But then, one day I was dumbfounded to learn from my christian brother about the mountains of pleasures derived from sucking and nibbling on toes.

I begged my christian brother to explain to me how in the name of Lord Jesus can you get any pleasure by having someone else`s foot in your mouth. In the ensuing huddle in the close quarters of my dorm room it was decided that I needed to be initiated.

And then a gang of nearly 10 friends, of mixed gender, ethnicities and faiths descended in my room. A volunteer was chosen, who promptly washed her feet before sitting on the couch.

Many years later, I often think about all that happened and that how incomplete and meaningless my life would have been if it weren`t for that fateful day.