All My Love As always, digging far too deep into the story, but thanks for the comments, bj. :)

And thank you to the others too, for appreciating it.
- mp

Sex Education For the Next Generation Although, I'm among the people who think sex should be conducted within marriage - I frankly don't believe in "fornication" - my beliefs. However, I do think the next generation should be given a sex education. And I don't know many people in my circle who don't enjoy making love to their partners. Isn't that a concept more reflective to the generation of our (the twenty-somethings) parents? Just a thought.

All My Love Re: # 2
Dry? Really? How?

Re: # 1
Cos, thank you. :)

Color Me In 'ello bj.

As for the ending, it was quite conclusive in the initial draft although it's been left open to interpretation in its current state.

Secondly, the title...ahh. I suppose in answer to that question I'd request you to read in between the lines. Look at what hasn't been said, on the relationship between mother and daughter, and what was said and more importantly, what wasn't. Was it a complete picture she had? Or was it just a monochrome portrait?

As for the pace...can't do anything about that I'm afraid. Entirely reader subjective. later.

White Re: # 5
Oh I completely agree regarding the need for writing. Why do we write? Because we need to, it's a compulsion.

For me, and this is my own personal opinion, formulated more on the basis of a writer, reader and critic than an editor. I'm not an editor by profession, to be clear.

However, I do think that the short bursts were overdone. There were times when you didn't need them and I felt that's where the real weakness was.

You are of course, utterly free to disagree with me.

If you've read my work here, you'll agree: I don't go for formulaic either. But I do think that the bursts of speech and expression were a tad overdone. My point being: nothing stops you from using them, but if you are going to use them, then use them to your advantage. Sprinkle them. Tease the reader. It just seemed like overkill to me.

:)

later.

Color Me In Re: # 4
That my friend, is quite true. I was told a book could be weaved around this. But I had a page deadline, which I had to adhere to. But tis true.
There are worse prisons than words

White Okay...I read this and thought it had potential. There are two reasons a writer writes publically - the first is to be read and admired - the second is to get better. If it's the former, I can't help you. If it's the latter however, I have a wealth of things to say.

Firstly, the short blipy sentences - they work sometimes - but to write an entire story of them...aaaaaaah! A yowl of frustration.

There are parts where you build up the right amount of emotion and then bam! The short sentences and the flow ends...it stops dead in its tracks and continues in glitches, like a computer when it's been turned on for too long.

I could go over this piece and edit it...really edit it...mostly because I do that as it is but secondly, because this piece needs it.

The piece in its present condition has its moments...but oh! Imagine it edited and touched up...it'd be bloody brilliant! Unfortunately, this isn't a forum and I can 'quote' and point out my suggestions.

However, I would suggest if you're willing to improve your work to check out dwl.net - google it. It's a nice place and I can guarantee you'll improve.

But for now: know that short sentences are there to make an impact, much like capitalizing certain words are. An overuse of either can kill a piece.
There are worse prisons than words

Color Me In Ah...thanks. Any other takers? I'd like some butchering if you will...although compliments are nice, I thrive on criticism. So bring it.
There are worse prisons than words

Window Shopping Why hello, stranger! :)
There are worse prisons than words

Blue Line Re: # 33
Err...what?

Re: #32
BJ, yeah I know...I hate going into explanations for stories and like the differing perceptions I get from each reader. That said, I also tend to go into unnecessary explanations regarding the whys I said something. Will refrain from the future.

later.

Blue Line As an addendum, I needed to make it absolutely clear that she did not kill herself and was on the plane as it took off. It was very important to the story. Hmm? later.

Blue Line Re: # 29
Okay, so I see what you mean. Regarding criticism, I run and own a writer`s website and we`re pretty brutal to the writers out there so I tend to take it in stride.

There were many questions I posed myself during the course of this story, only some of them of which, made their way into the story answered.

It`s odd that you mention the ``show, don`t tell`` - another writer wrote that about one of my unfinished pieces, a couplea years ago. I`d have thought I would have grown out of that by now. Oh well...back to the drawing board.

As an aside, I realize that my username is misleading, but please realize that the author name clearly indicates that ``maryam`` and whatever follows are entirely separate. I`m rather touchy about my name, as you can see!

But back on topic, I can see the conflict of perspective now. But as I mentioned earlier, this was originally a third person story and this was an epilogue type thing. I was determined to input the line in its entirety when I converted it into a first person narrative, when confusion arose regarding her mental state (my semi-cum editor thought she committed suicide...and that just wouldn`t do!).

I value the criticism - more than two years of receiving intense feedback does that to you, I guess.

later.

Blue Line Re: # 21
I`m sorry...what confusion in perspective? The line was written to denote the narrator is leaving. I don`t see the confusion. But then, that might just be me.

However, I understand what you`re saying - this piece was actually severely edited before I finalized it. And not just by me. :)

This story was actually written in the third person and was converted to a first-person narrative.

Hmm-mm...later.

Blue Line Re: # 17
Dude! (Dudess?), in case it wasn`t clear from the author name, it`s ``maryamp`` as in...maryam piracha? Most decidedly not MaryAmp. :D

Blue Line Re: # 15
Nope, I have not implied abortion at all. Although the ending is very open to interpretation, she simply isn`t ready to receive a definitive answer to the question of whether or not she is pregnant. The ending denotes a blue line flickering on and off...not just on.

Secondly, you didn`t understand the context of the line in conjunction with what preceded it - she wants to make a decision on her own, not with the help of her mother. Hints of it have been dropped throughout the story. She`s struggled to unlearn herself - the person she was before as opposed to who she wants to be now.

I really thought the story conveyed all this...

Blue Line Re: # 9
No, you`re not wrong. The reason I brought that to attention was because she`s not married and she`s pregnant...so...! :) And thank you everyone, for liking this.